


Escape To Where?

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Kane (Band), Smallville RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-19
Updated: 2009-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-03 04:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8696734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sometimes trying to get away from your life doesn't always make things easier but can often make things better.  Jared runs off for some time alone and the stray he picks up changes his world forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

** Chapter One **

 

_Oh yeah, this was the life!_

 

Jared Padalecki cruised down the highway, and to be honest he’d completely forgotten which one. He didn’t have a care in the world, other than having some fun and getting away from the shit-hole of a thing called his life.

 

Five years! _Five fucking years_ he’d been with that bitch and he couldn’t be sure she’d been faithful for a single day of them. He’d always known of course, which actually hurt worse, because every single time he’d told her he knew about her fucking every good looking guy that crossed her path, she’d turned on the water works – _oh, she was so good at that!_ The thought made Jared’s blood boil. She’d promised it would never happen again, that she loved him and only him. And being the trusting sap he was, he believed her. Every time, he took her back, every single fucking time.

 

But not this time. This time he was getting away.

 

He’d told her that her things had to be out of their place by the time he got back. She’d protested of course, asking why she was the one that had to leave. Jared had patiently reminded her that it was _his_ house they lived in, _he’d_ earned the money to pay for it, and it was _his_ name on every, single signed piece of paper. Plus, she was the one that had done the dirty, _repeatedly_ , so she could just go and shack up with one of her conquests for all he cared. God! He was so glad he’d never married her.

 

Jared put his foot down on his Chevy; it was his pride and joy – the car he’d wanted since he was a kid and had worked damn hard to afford. His black ’67 Chevy Impala. He’d thrown a bag full of clothes in the back seat, grabbed his wallet and thought of nothing else. He’d peeled out of his driveway without looking back, leaving a gob-smacked Sandy gaping after him. She’d always hated his car; said it was too big, too noisy. But then again, at 6’ 4” Jared _was_ big, _and_ noisy, so the car suited him perfectly. Sandy was a slip of a girl, not to belittle her – she was gorgeous – but the chip on her shoulder was bigger even than Jared.

 

It had been early afternoon when he’d left, so Jared had no idea where he was heading, and he was finding he liked it that way. He planned to just drive and drive, see where the road took him. But now it was dark and Jared was getting tired, making it so he had to find a place to stop soon. _Surely there’s a motel around here somewhere!_

 

Okay, so in hindsight, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to not keep an eye on where he was going; now he couldn’t even look at his map to see where the closest rest stop was. He hadn’t seen a single car in the hours he’d been on this road and he couldn’t remember seeing any turn offs either.

 

_What the hell._

 

Jared leant over and rummaged in the glove compartment – he knew there was a map in there somewhere. He thought maybe he could get a read on where he was by his surroundings, he had to pass a mile marker somewhere along this road.

 

_Ah-huh!_ Success! Jared grinned as he felt his fingers touch the little folded map. Jared pulled it out and sat straight behind the wheel again.

 

That’s when he saw them – bright green and glowing in the headlights, just staring at him as he bore down on them.

 

“ _Jesus, fuck_!” Jared slammed on the breaks and swerved the car away from the stunned person standing in front of him on the road.

 

_Oh crap, please God, no!_ As soon as the car skidded to a stop – narrowly missing a tree at the side of the road – Jared pushed the car door open, grabbed a flashlight that had fallen from the glove compartment in his exploration, and began searching the road for signs of the person who had been standing there moments before.

 

“Hello?” Jared called; his heart pounding as he scanned the pitch black road with his poor light. “Can you hear me? Are you okay?”

 

“Fuck!” Somewhere off in the distance Jared heard cussing and immediately headed in that direction.

 

Eventually, following some very colourful language, Jared found the source of the verbal abuse on God and anything else thought of. Jared shone the flashlight in the direction of the voice and his breath hitched as he was met with the sparkling green eyes he’d seen in his head lights.

 

“Are you okay?” Jared asked, moving quickly to the guy’s side.

 

“Am I okay? _Am I okay_? What kind of fucking question is that?” Came the guy’s pissed off reply. “You nearly ran me the fuck down! Of course I’m not okay!”

 

Jared took a step back. _Okay, so maybe I deserved that._ He took a deep breath, then moved to crouch beside the guy sprawled on the ground.

 

“I mean, are you hurt? Are you sure I didn’t hit you?” Jared reached out his hand, touching the man, searching for any blood or sign of a serious injury.

 

“Get your fucking hands off me, you pervert,” exclaimed the man as he swatted Jared’s hands away, causing Jared to recoil again.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Just… let me help you, make sure you’re okay!” Jared reached out his hand again, but this time he didn’t initiate contact, instead he held his hand out in an offering, to see if the man took it himself. The guy stared at him for a moment, seemingly sizing him up. Then he slowly and cautiously took Jared’s offered hand, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. Jared sighed with relief.

 

Suddenly, the guy hissed in pain and stumbled on his feet. Jared quickly moved to catch him and hold him upright.

 

“You alright?” Jared asked urgently.

 

“No, I’m not fucking alright!” The guy repeated as he held onto Jared unconsciously, but at the same time trying to lean as far away as he could. “I’m having the worst fucking day of my life and then I nearly get hit by a fucking car. How could I possibly be alright? Jesus, stop asking me that.”

 

“I’m sorry. I just meant are you hurt?” Jared reiterated. He’d managed to help the guy to the front of his car and together they leant on the hood, illuminated by the headlights. Jared stared at the guy in concern and the guy stared right back at him, seeming to hesitate for a moment.

 

“Um, my side hurts a little where I hit the ground, but I think I’m okay,” the man told him, his voice suddenly soft and he offered Jared a weak smile in reassurance.

 

“Jesus, you might have internal bleeding or something,” Jared panicked. _What if this guy is really hurt?_ He’d never forgive himself.

 

“No, I’m okay, I think I might be in much worse shape if that were the case,” the man said with a gentle smile. “Look – I’m sorry for going off at you like that. I’m Jensen,” he told Jared, holding out his hand.

 

“Jared… Padalecki,” Jared informed him, taking the pro-offered hand gently but firmly, still terrified Jensen might have been hurt more than he was letting on. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m just having the worst fucking day of my life!” Jensen growled, agitatedly poking experimentally at his side and wincing a little.

 

“Yeah, so you said,” Jared smiled, pleased when Jensen smiled back. “Anyway, I kinda deserved it, I mean; I _did_ nearly hit you with my car.”

 

“I noticed,” Jensen smirked. “What’s up with that, dude?

 

“Well, you were standing in the middle of the road, in the pitch black,” Jared attempted to defend himself. “What the Hell were you doing crossing the road like that anyway?”

 

“Trying to get to the other side,” Jensen quipped, biting his bottom lip as he grinned cheekily. Jared’s stomach did a flip. He let his eyes roam over Jensen as the other man pulled up his shirt to examine his side in the Impala’s headlights. He had short, slightly spiked, dirty blonde hair; his startling green eyes were framed by slightly hooded lids sporting long, thick lashes, and his slight stubble led down to full, plush lips. Jared couldn’t look away - the man was undeniably beautiful. When Jensen hissed in pain, Jared’s eyes moved and he was struck once again with an awe inspiring sight. Where Jensen had pulled his shirt up, he’d revealed well defined abs covered by soft pale skin. Jensen’s muscles rippled as they flinched away from his touch, and Jared had the sudden and unbidden urge to reach out and discover what those muscles felt like under his finger tips.

 

“Nothing’s broken, I think it’s just bruised,” Jensen confirmed, sighing in relief as he covered his body again with the thin material of his dark blue shirt. Jared was snapped back into reality and mentally shook himself. _What am I thinking? I’m not gay_ , he thought to himself incredulously. He’d never had any desire to be with another man nor found one attractive enough to warrant thinking about it. He laughed to himself quietly; breaking up with Sandy must have messed with his head more than he thought.

 

“Uh, I don’t find anything funny,” Jensen snapped suddenly.

 

“Oh, sorry man, I wasn’t laughing at you,” Jared was quick to reassure him. Jensen eyed him for a moment before looking away, shivering suddenly.

 

“Jesus, it’s friggin cold out here,” he noted, wrapping his arms around his body.

 

“Oh, hey,” Jared replied quickly, already bounding his long limbs around to open the passenger door for him. “Get in the car. I’ll turn the heater on.” Jensen eyed him warily. “Don’t worry; I’m not some psycho axe murderer or anything.”

 

“Obviously,” Jensen said, but hesitated once more. Then he shivered again, and finally climbed into the welcoming warmth of the car’s interior.

 

 

Once Jared was safely sitting behind the wheel, he reached into the backseat and rummaged in his duffle bag, pulling out a large black hoodie. He tossed it to Jensen who pulled it on happily and seemed to snuggle into its soft warmth.

 

“So, did you run out of gas or something?” Jared asked as he started the car again. “There a car somewhere I can take you to?” Jared reached for the roadmap, turning over in his hands but otherwise staring blankly at it.

 

“Yeah, I wish,” Jensen huffed as he slumped back in his seat, his body slowly warming. “No, no car. Just me.”

 

“O-kay,” Jared said slowly. “Do you live around here somewhere then? Can I drop you off?”

 

“Dude, I don’t even know where _here_ is,” Jensen exclaimed and Jared’s mouth fell open.

 

“You’re kidding me, right?” he responded and Jensen shook his head.

 

“I wish I was, buddy.”

 

“Wait, don’t tell me,” Jared deadpanned. “You were abducted by aliens and found yourself out in the middle of nowhere?” He chuckled and grinned widely when Jensen laughed with him.

 

After a few seconds, however, Jensen’s laughter faded and a dark look fell over his soft features.

 

“That would have been a picnic compared to what I’ve been through today.” 

 

“What happened?” Jared asked cautiously.

 

“Let’s put it this way, never tell your boyfriend that his mom can’t cook, even if it’s true,” he replied, a small smile catching on his lips. He raised his eyes to Jared’s; grinning wider at the other man’s shocked and confused expression.

 

“You ended up in the middle of nowhere, not knowing where you are – at God knows what time of the night – because your boyfriend’s mom can’t cook?” Jared clarified incredulously, and Jensen nodded.

 

“Yep, pretty much.” When Jared looked at him inquiringly – admittedly amused, but even more confused – Jensen explained.

 

“Tom – my boyfriend – well, my ex-boyfriend, I think, but anyway –”

 

“Jensen, focus,” Jared prompted him with a chuckle. Jensen flushed a little.

 

“Tom had taken me to his parents place to do the whole meet them over dinner thing, but seriously man, this food was inedible. I made out I wasn’t feeling well, which to be honest, watching him and his dad dig in like it was the finest steak or something –” Jensen grimaced. “I wasn’t. Then we were driving back today and he asks me what was up, why I was so weird during dinner and then again at breakfast this morning – and dude, those pancakes could’ve been used as Frisbee’s, seriously. So I told him, said I couldn’t understand how he could eat it like it was sent from God or something.”

 

“And he didn’t like that I presume?” Jared interjected, trying desperately not to laugh, but unable to withhold the amusement from his face.

 

“That’s putting it mildly,” Jensen replied. “He started ragging on my brother, saying he was like an interfering old busy-body and that his partner was the most boring guy alive. Well, I told him to shut the fuck up. I mean, just cause his mom can’t cook doesn’t give him the right to say shit like that. Then… well, things were said, most of them were meant, most of them came out of his mouth – and he can have a nasty mouth when he sets his mind to it – a lot of those things were about my friends and how much he hated them. I told him if that’s the way he felt, he wouldn’t have to see them again ‘cause when we got back home, I was moving out.”

 

Jensen was breathing heavily by this time, his face betraying his anger and Jared shifted uncomfortably in his seat while he waited silently for Jensen to continue.

 

“So you know what the asshole did then?”

 

Jared shook his head but couldn’t wait to find out, completely enthralled. “He stopped the car, opened my door and literally kicked me out. Then he drove off and left me there, on the side of the road. I’ve never been to this part of the fucking country before; I've got no clue where I am or which way to go. All I know is that I’m at least a hundred miles from home.”

 

“Dude, that sucks.” Jared rejoined the conversation. “He really kicked you out of the car?”

 

“I got the impression I was lucky it wasn’t still moving at the time. Son of a bitch drove off with my jacket, which of course has my cell and my wallet in it.” Jensen slumped in his seat, looking completely exhausted from his outburst and ordeal.

 

“Well, you’re totally welcome to catch a ride with me, but I have to tell you something,” Jared said as he peered sheepishly at Jensen, who just raised an eyebrow, waiting. “I have no idea where we are either. I kinda just got in the car and drove, didn’t pay any attention to where I was going, just figured I’d hit a motel at some point.”

 

Jensen stared at Jared like he was insane and Jared felt like he was shrinking under the scrutiny. Then all of a sudden, Jensen burst into laughter – loud and strong and heartfelt.

 

“We’re a Goddamn pair, aren’t we?” Jensen laughed, and Jared found a chuckle rumbling in his chest until finally he threw his head back and let it out. The car was filled with hysterical laughter, the two men holding their sides and gasping for breath.

 

“Okay, okay, stop. This hurts,” Jensen said, tears falling from his eyes and cradling an arm against his hurt side.

 

“Alright, how’s this?” Jared began once he’d calmed down enough. “We just keep driving down this road; it’s gotta take us somewhere, right? Then, when we find some signs of life, we can ask directions from there.” 

 

“Sounds good to me – it was daylight when I watched that bastard drive off,” Jensen responded. “God knows how long I’ve been walking for. Kinda figured he’d come back for me, you know? Like I’d ever wanna see _that_ face again.”

 

Jared watched Jensen sadly; he knew all too well what that kind of betrayal felt like. When Jensen saw him staring, he flashed him a bright smile, making the corners of his eyes crease into complicated lines. Jared felt his breath hitch again, and smiled unconsciously.

 

“Come on man, get this beautiful beast of yours going and let’s get the Hell outta here,” Jensen said, interrupting Jared’s thoughts.

 

Jared laughed, slammed the Impala into drive and stepped on the gas.

 

 

They’d driven in silence for a while – both lost in their own thoughts – until Jared became aware of Jensen watching him. He looked over and smiled slightly, but Jensen just kept staring.

 

“What?” Jared asked nervously.

 

“Your turn,” Jensen said simply.

 

“My turn for what?” Jared questioned, confused.

 

“You heard my story, now what’s yours?” Jensen explained. “Why are you driving around without knowing where you’re going?”

 

Jared sighed. It was only fair he supposed; that he reciprocate the storytelling.

 

“Had enough of my girlfriend cheating on me,” he explained with a shrug. “Got sick of being treated like the faithful dog that would always be there no matter what, you know?”

 

Jensen cocked his head to the side and listened; his expression was kind but there was sadness there too. Jared got the feeling he was being felt sorry for.

 

“There’re only so many times I could take her back. I don’t even know why she stayed with me at all; I obviously wasn’t enough for her. God, she must’ve fucked every guy I know! I lost more friends to her in the last five years than I made in ten, and enough was enough. Sometimes I thought guys just spoke to me so they could get in her pants – kinda felt like her pimp, except I never got paid and wasn’t treated with any respect. I just set up her next fuck and walked away.” Jared took his eyes off the road to look over at Jensen, whose lips were pressed into a tight line and his forehead was creased by a heavy frown.

 

“Bitch,” Jensen said so quietly Jared wasn’t sure he’d actually said it.

 

“So when I walked in on her actually going at it in our bed with a work mate – who by the way, was supposed to be home sick – I’d had enough. I’d really thought we’d make it this time; I’d gone home to surprise her. I’d taken a few weeks off work and was planning on sweeping her away somewhere nice, find whatever plane tickets we could get last minute and just go, just the two of us. God, I think I might even have asked her to marry me. How deluded am I? What a sap!”

 

“So, what did you do?” Jensen queried, leaning forward towards Jared in interest. Jared smirked.

 

“I knocked the guy out, packed a bag and told her to be the Hell out of my house and my life by the time I got back,” Jared grinned. It felt good to get this out of his system; he didn’t really have anyone to talk to back home anymore.

 

“Nice,” Jensen grinned back. “Serves the bitch right.”

 

“Then she told me that she’d never loved me and had only stayed with me so she didn’t have to work. That she actually couldn’t stand me, that I was too tall, I needed a hair cut, ate like a pig, laughed too loud, talked too much, touched too much, was naïve as Hell, and that she hated my car,” Jared reeled off, squinting his eyes in thought trying to remember all his apparent faults.

 

“She dissed the car? Man, she had to go!” Jensen tried to lighten the mood.

 

“Yeah well, I guess I’d kinda been asking for it,” Jared said. “I was so stupid to stay with her all that time. Guess I had it coming huh?”

 

“What? Jared, don’t say that. Don’t even think that. That drama queen never deserved you,” Jensen said crossly.

 

Jared scoffed. “Yeah, cause I’m such a catch.”

 

“Yes man, you are. It’s just that your taste in women sucks.” When Jared looked at him, Jensen winked and they both laughed.

 

“Well, I give ‘em up – women are just not worth the heartache.” Jared concluded and threw a hand in the air carelessly.

 

“Really?” Jensen raised an eyebrow with a chuckled as Jared suddenly realised he’d said that in front of a gorgeous gay guy.

 

“Well… I… What I meant was…”

 

“Relax Jared. I was just yanking your chain.” Suddenly Jensen yawned, covering his mouth, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

 

“Hey, why don’t you catch some sleep? I’ll wake you up if we hit a motel or something, okay?” Jared told him.

 

“You sure?” Jensen’s eyes were already drooping.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure. You were walking for God knows how long, you must be exhausted. Take a nap, dude.”

 

“Yeah, alright. Thanks.” Jensen shuffled down and tipped his head back to rest against the seat, his eyes closed and Jared heard him sigh deeply. “Night Jared.”

 

Jared smiled. “Night Jensen.”

 

***

 

_That’s it!_ Jared killed the engine, huffed out a breath and leant back in his seat. His eyes were refusing to stay open any longer and he knew that if he didn’t want to run his car off the road or wrap it round a tree, he had better stop driving now.

 

He tipped his head and looked to see if Jensen was still asleep – he’d been fidgety all the while he’d been dozing, trying to get comfortable. Now he was leant back against the door with his head resting on the seat and his knees bent at an awkward angle. Jared watched him in the dark, finding it difficult to tear his eyes away – Jensen couldn’t possible be comfortable! Jared looked around the car, he decided that he would climb into the backseat and let Jensen spread out in the front. With a soft smile, Jared shifted slightly in his seat, and watched Jensen sigh in his sleep.

 

_Adorable._

 

He smiled, closed his eyes and was asleep within minutes, completely forgetting to climb in the back.

 

***

 

Jared immediately closed his eyes again as the bright sunlight assaulting them painfully. He groaned and turned his head into his pillow, snuggling a bit closer to the warmth there.

 

“Jared?” came a soft whisper.

 

“Mfph, f’ve mohr mn’uhts,” Jared mumbled, trying to reach for the covers to pull over his head. That sunlight was way too bright, had he forgotten to close the blinds last night?

 

“Jared. Time to wake up, man.” A hand gently shook his shoulder, and then moved to brush his hair off his face.

 

Jared’s hand gave up on finding the covers, he must’ve kicked them off again, or maybe Sandy was being cruel and had removed them to make him get up.

 

Sandy? No, Sandy and he… So who was…?

 

Jared forced his eyes open and looked around.

 

Jared’s head was on a pillow of denim, he was still in his clothes and when he tried to move, his body ached in protest. He turned his head up and was met with green eyes and a full lipped smile.

 

“Morning,” Green Eyes said softly. “I thought you’d never wake up.”

 

_A name, there's a name that goes with those eyes, those lips, that beautiful face._

 

“Jensen?”

 

_Oh crap._

 

“Jensen, man. I’m sorry.” Jared hastily pushed himself up, wincing as the aches and pains of sleeping in the car assaulted his body.

 

He’d been sleeping with his head on Jensen’s leg, cuddling right into his thigh. _God, how embarrassing._

 

“Nah, it’s cool. You looked too comfy to move.” Jensen shrugged off his apology. “Nice dreams?”

 

“Huh?” Jared frowned. Jensen raised an eyebrow and lowered his gaze. Jared followed until he came across his very prominent morning wood.

 

“Oh, Jesus.”

 

Jensen howled with laughter while Jared rearranged himself, his face burning hotter than before.

 

“Want me to help you out with that?” Jensen said seductively, leaning forward slightly, leering at Jared.

 

Jared’s stomach flipped and his dick jumped. The next second, he saw in his mind’s eye, Jensen’s moist lips wrapping themselves…

 

“I... um...”

 

“Hey, I’m just kiddin with ya.” Jensen chuckled, smacking him on the back with a huge grin. Jared let out a shaky breath. “You should’ve seen you face.”

 

Jared flushed again but that only made Jensen laugh even harder.

 

“You know, I could always kick you out of the car,” Jared warned a little grumpily but his mouth couldn’t help but pull into a smile because, embarrassing as it was, it was pretty funny.

 

“Oh please, like you’d ever be that cruel!” Jensen teased him, and Jared wondered if he was really that transparent.

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jared admitted. Then he paused for a moment. “But what would you have done if I’d taken you up on your offer?” Jared quirked an eyebrow and Jensen’s mouth fell open.

 

_Ha,_ Jared thought, grinning again. _Not so predictable after all._

 

Their banter was interrupted by Jared’s stomach growling loudly and it occurred to him that he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon and he was starving. Jensen probably hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning, if he’d even eaten any of those dodgy pancakes.

 

Leaning over Jensen, Jared dug around in the glove box. It was a variable chest of wonders, after a few second rummaging, he pulled out a couple of chocolate bars and handed one to Jensen.

 

“Breakfast of champions.” He toasted Jensen with his bar, ripped off the wrapper and took a huge bite.

 

“Jared, you were sent from God!” Jensen said, eagerly taking a big bite himself.

 

“I know, just don't spread it around, I don't want people following me around kissing my feet,” Jared grinned. “Makes it real difficult to walk.”

 

“I'll bet,” Jensen laughed and looked around. “So, I take it we didn't find a motel last night?”

 

“Nah and I just got way too tired to risk driving.”

 

“And you thought I looked comfy?” Jensen teased.

 

“No way, you’re all muscle dude, not a single bit of squishy fat to get comfortable on,” Jared teased right back, even if it was more of a compliment.

 

“So, what's the plan for today?”

 

“Same as yesterday, I ‘spose. Keep driving ‘til we hit upon someone who can help us out,” Jared shrugged.

 

Jensen stretched in his seat. “Well, alright sasquatch. Let's go.”


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter Two **

 

Jared smiled at the easy familiarity they'd fallen into – it was comfortable, more comfortable than he'd felt for a long time. As he started the engine, Jared looked over to Jensen, who was now shrugging off the big hoodie Jared had lent him. As he moved, his shirt rode up with the hoodie, exposing a flat stomach and firm muscles, and suddenly Jared's mouth felt very dry. As Jensen's shirt fell over the view, Jared snapped his gaze up to the man’s eyes and blushed, realising he'd been caught staring. Jensen smirked at him but didn't say anything. Quickly, Jared looked back towards the road and glued his eyes out the front of the windshield as he pulled away.

 

After a long moment of silence, Jensen finally spoke.

 

“You know, I envy you,” he stated matter of factually.

 

“You what?” Jared frowned, surprised by the sudden comment.

 

“You, getting away, just deciding to travel anywhere the road takes you. Man, I've never travelled; this was actually my first trip anywhere. Shame it turned out so bad.” Jensen chuckled bitterly.

 

“Yeah well, I've never done it before. Been too busy watching Sandy spend my money like water,” Jared confessed.

 

“How long were you with her?” Jensen shuffled in his seat to face Jared more comfortably. Jared began to feel a little under a microscope seeing as he couldn't meet Jensen’s eyes whilst driving.

 

“Five years,” he began, “We went out for a while during high school, and then we met up again about five years ago in a bar. She'd been having a hard time, had been kicked out by her boyfriend and didn't have any money or a place to stay. So, me being me, I took her home with me and she never left. Eventually we got together again... I really thought she loved me, but I guess she was just after an easy ride.” Jared felt the familiar wave of depression flowing over him again, and scowled at the road.

 

“You're better off without her, seriously,” Jensen said kindly. He placed a hand on Jared's knee for a moment before releasing it with a quick squeeze.

 

“You know I actually confronted her ex-boyfriend?” Jared went on, glancing over. Jensen raised his eyebrows. “You know what he told me?”

 

“I don’t even wanna guess,” Jensen cringed.

 

“He told me to run as far away from her as I could. That she was a money-grabbing whore and that I shouldn't trust her. Guess I shoulda listened to him instead of laying him out, huh?” Jared gave a bitter grin but felt the stab of betrayal deep within his heart. He clenched his jaw against it; all of a sudden the reality of his break up with Sandy was hitting him.

 

“Hey, it's not your fault Jared,” Jensen reassured him. “She's obviously one messed up bitch and I get the impression she played her part well.”

 

Jared didn't reply, he just stared out at the road and spent some time drowning in his misery. Jensen appeared to understand that Jared didn't want to talk about it and left him to his thoughts, so they fell into another silence.

 

After about half an hour, Jared chuckled and swore under his breath.

 

“Well, will you look at that?” he said and pointed when Jensen frowned to indicate the motel and gas station they were pulling up to. “If I'd just managed to stay awake for a little longer last night we could've slept in proper beds and I wouldn't have this damn crick in my neck.”

 

“Ah yes, but then you wouldn't have gotten to use me as a pillow,” Jensen waggled his eyebrows teasingly and this time, instead of blushing, Jared just laughed along with him.

 

“Your bony ass? I'll take a nice plump pillow any day,” Jared teased right back and received a playful punch in the arm for his troubles. “Oh score, they have a diner!”

 

Jared parked the car and was out like a shot. He paused when he realised that Jensen wasn't following him. Jensen had climbed out of the car and was leaning against the door, looking meek.

 

“Hey, what's wrong?” Jared asked, walking back to him.

 

“Jared, man, I don't have any money. My wallet was in the car when Tom drove away,” Jensen explained, sheepishly. “But it's cool dude, you go get yourself something to eat, but if you could shout me a coffee I'll be forever in your debt and I’ll pay you back as soon as I get my stuff back.”

 

Jared stepped up beside Jensen and slung an arm around his neck.

 

“You idiot,” he chuckled. “I know you don't have shit at the moment, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let you starve. Now come on, move your ass. I hear some decent pancakes calling our names.”

 

Jared moved off, dragging Jensen with him, his arm still firmly resting over his shoulders. He felt Jensen physically relax and grinned to himself as they walked across the parking lot.

 

***

 

When they each had a huge pile of steaming pancakes with syrup and coffee in front of them, Jared grinned at Jensen and started to dig in.

 

“Hey Jared?” Jensen stared at his pancakes.

 

“Mmm?” Jared questioned through a mouthful.

 

“I just wanted to say thank you,” Jensen said quietly. He looked up through his thick lashes, and Jared had to swallow hard to get his food to go down.

 

“For what, the food? Don't worry about it, I wasn’t gonna stuff my face in front of you, that would be just wrong,” Jared joked, but put his fork down and watched Jensen. Jensen shrugged and poked at his food, pushing it around his plate.

 

“Well yeah, the food, but also for picking me up. You know, and listening to my problems – pretty much everything. You didn't have to do any of it and I know you've got your own stuff going on...”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa – stop a minute,” Jared held up his hands. “Jensen, I almost hit you with my car, and you were stranded in the middle of nowhere! I wasn't just going to leave you out there; especially with nothing in your pocket and not knowing where you where. What kinda asshole would that make me?”

 

“Well, I do seem to attract them,” Jensen said dryly. Jared reached across the table and grabbed Jensen's hand.

 

“Listen to me, don't you start thinking less of yourself just because some jackass didn't know what he had when he had it. Your boyfriend’s going to get home, realise that's he's just lost the best thing that's ever happened to him and then he's going to kick himself so hard he’s gonna lose his foot up his own ass. And if he doesn't, then he's even less worthy of you than I figured.” Jared's thumb ran over the back of Jensen's hand soothingly and Jensen just stared at him in disbelief.

 

“How do you know that?” Jensen asked softly, his voice breaking slightly. “You don’t even know me.” He looked down at the table again.

 

“I just know,” Jared said, gripping Jensen's hand tighter. “I dunno how – I just do. You're a good person Jensen, and you don't deserve to be treated the way that asshole treated you. I mean, you could've fucking died out there all night on your own, do you think he ever thought about that? In the clothes you've got on and nothing to protect you from the elements, you'd have caught hypothermia, easily. No one deserves that Jen! No one! He’s a jerk.”

 

“Then I guess I'm lucky you came along, huh?” Jensen squeezed Jared's hand, and the thankful look in his eyes almost broke Jared's heart. Jared cleared his throat and pulled his hand away.

 

“Damn straight. Now eat your pancakes before they go cold.”

 

Jared turned back to his food, his heart racing. What were these feeling he was experiencing? He'd never felt anything like it, it was like they were taking him over and he had no control over them at all.

 

They finished their breakfast in silence, but it was the loudest silence Jared had ever experienced. Every time their eyes met over the table, Jared felt as though he was being hit with a jolt of electricity. Eventually, after a few extra cups of coffee they were done and ready to move. During their breakfast, Jared had asked the waitress where they were, and he’d discovered that they weren't that far from Jensen's home – it would only take them about an hour to get there. Jared didn't want to think about the disappointment he'd feel at dropping Jensen off and driving away, but he didn't voice his thoughts as he left money on the table with the bill.

 

“I'm just gonna –” he pointed to the bathroom and Jensen nodded. “I'll meet you out by the car, okay?”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen said quietly, and Jared felt his eyes on him all the way down the aisle.

 

Once Jared had pushed the bathroom door open he went straight for the sink and doused his face with cold water. His skin felt too hot, too tight, his nerves tingled inside him and it felt like each breath he took didn't contain enough oxygen to survive on. Jared's mind was swimming, and he had no idea what it was he was feeling. Jensen seemed to be getting under his skin in a way no one had ever managed to before and it scared him.

 

“Get a grip, Padalecki,” Jared told himself, splashing another bout of cold water over his face, then wiped himself dry with a paper towel. He pushed out a deep breath and turned towards the door –

 

Just as it opened.

 

Jensen stepped into the restroom and stopped dead when his eyes met Jared's. He looked nervous and Jared couldn't help but think that he looked adorable when he was nervous. _God, what am I thinking?_

 

Jensen stepped closer to Jared, his eyes were wide and his hands appeared to be trembling. Jared felt like he should be backing away, but he didn't. He moved closer to Jensen until they were close enough to touch, but they didn't. They stared into each others eyes – hazel into green – and both could see the confusion evident in the others.

 

“What are we –?” Jared murmured.

 

“I don't know,” Jensen replied. Slowly Jensen raised a hand, his finger tips brushing across Jared's cheek and he swallowed thickly. He took another step closer to Jared, their bodies almost touching. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

 

Jensen's question seemed so simple, and yet Jared didn't know how to answer it. Stop what? What was happening? They were looking at each other; Jensen's hand was cupping Jared's cheek and working its way slowly down to Jared's neck. Thoughts were rushing through Jared’s head uncontrollably, and his heart was pounding so hard in his chest, he swore any second it would be forced to stop from exhaustion.

 

“Stop what?” Jared whispered as he felt his body lean unconsciously towards Jensen's.

 

“This.”

 

Jensen moved that last half inch and then their lips were touching. Jared froze. Okay, so he knew this was what it was leading up to – he wasn't dumb, but Jesus, he never expected it to feel this good.

 

Jensen's hand tightened on the back of his neck and tugged him in closer. Jared felt Jensen's tongue lick across his lips, and his muscles sagged into the feeling of ecstasy the movement sent through him.

 

He opened his mouth to Jensen, and when he felt his warm tongue slip inside, his body thrummed, and all he wanted was Jensen closer to him. He wrapped his arms around Jensen's waist; he pulled him against him and kissed him back. As soon as Jared began to respond, Jensen deepened the kiss and gripped Jared's hips. Their tongues danced together, chasing each other around their wet, hot mouths, teasing each other; giving and taking.

 

Suddenly, Jensen forced Jared back against the wall, his thigh slipping between Jared's legs, nudging them open as he ground his hips against the younger man’s. Jared broke the kiss to gasp out loud at the sudden movement but Jensen didn't stop, his lips moving to Jared's throat, nipping the skin so blood rushed to the surface, hot and fiery, only to soothe it with little licks of his tongue.

 

Jared's eyes rolled back in his head, the sensations coursing though his body... he'd never felt anything like it before in his life and he never wanted it to end.

 

“Jensen,” he murmured as he felt Jensen's hard length grind against his thigh again. His heart leapt into his throat. “Oh God,” he rasped.

 

Jared gripped Jensen's face and pulled it back to face him, he looked into his eyes for a moment, Jensen's pupils were blown wide and black, his breath panting against Jared's lips. Jared couldn't help himself, he delved into those lips, forcing his way in with his tongue, licking his way around and exploring every detail.

 

Jensen groaned into his mouth and thrust his hips against Jared's leg with more force and enthusiasm, his fingers slipping beneath Jared's shirt. Jared felt his skin tingle at the touch, and he couldn’t feel where his skin ended and Jensen’s began – it all melted into a single pool of sensation that blew Jared’s mind and took his breath away.

 

Slowly Jensen's hand brushed up Jared's chest and his fingers flicked over his nipple, causing the pebble of flesh to harden underneath the touch. Jared felt his breath catch at the sensation; eyes tipping to the ceiling whilst his fingers gripped Jensen arms firmly.

 

Suddenly, Jensen's hand was cupping his crotch and a moan escaped Jared's lips; his erection jumped in Jensen's hand and his legs quivered, threatening to give way from underneath him.

 

“Gnnnh, Jen… I…” Jared tried to saying something – anything, but his brain refused to form coherent words.

 

“Shh, Jay, it's okay. I’ve got ya,” Jensen reassured him, nuzzling his neck, dusting it with light kisses as his palm pushed against Jared’s cock.

 

“I don't… I can't…” Jared had no idea what it was he was trying to say, but the confusion swimming in his head was screaming at him to figure things out before he let them get any further.

 

Suddenly Jensen's hand was delving beneath the waist band of his jeans, under his boxers and – _Oh God, he's touching my dick!_

 

Jared's eyes rolled back in his head, the feeling of Jensen's hand surrounding and tempting his erection was so intoxicating, and his brain had no idea how to deal with this information. This wasn't Sandy touching him – this wasn't some girl he'd picked up to ease his pain. This was a guy – some gay guy he'd picked up on the side of the road, and yeah, sure – he liked him, but he didn't know him. He was a guy, _a guy_ , and he had his hand down Jared’s pants.

 

And it felt amazing.

 

More amazing than it had ever felt before. But it had to stop!

 

“Stop,” Jared managed to groan. “I don’t know what I’m… please… Stop…”

 

Jensen froze. Both men stood glued to the spot, the only sound was their heavy panting into each others necks.

 

Suddenly someone cleared their throat. Jared frowned; the sound hadn’t come from Jensen and was pretty sure he hadn’t done it, that only left… _Fuck!_

 

“The motel’s next door, boys. Why don’t you make use of that well-coined phrase and ‘get a room.’”

 

Jensen quickly removed his hand from Jared’s jeans but didn’t turn around; instead he fixed his eyes on Jared, fear and concern exuding through every pore. Jared met his intense gaze and tried to swallow the lump blocking his throat.

 

“Jared?” Jensen questioned, searching Jared’s face for some sign of what he was thinking. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have –”

 

“We should go.” Jared interrupted him, speaking low as he slipped out from between Jensen and the wall. He ducked his head as he went passed the amused looking man standing there watching them. He knew his face was bright red – he could feel it spreading down his neck whilst rushing out of the diner, certain everyone was looking at him knowing exactly what had just happened.

 

He didn’t stop until he reached the Impala. Leaning both hands on his door, Jared dropped his head down between them, carefully trying to catch his breath and slow his racing heart.

 

God, that had been amazing! His skin was still tingling and his lips still throbbing from Jensen’s touch, but his brain refused to make any sense of it. He just didn’t understand what had made him feel like that; what had made him want to kiss Jensen in the first place. He did want it – he wanted Jensen to touch him. He’d felt so alive when Jensen’s hands were on him, but his head was a whirl of confusion and until it had cleared, he couldn’t continue with anything like what his body was screaming out for.

 

Jared heard Jensen coming before he saw him, slow cautious steps edging their way towards him. Slowly, Jared turned his head and offered Jensen a weak, apologetic smile.

 

“Jared, I’m so sorry,” Jensen started. “I completely over stepped my bounds. You’ve been so good to me and I just jump you like that, I should’ve… I shouldn’t have… It’s just… I’m sorry.” Jensen’s voice trailed off, words failing him.

 

“You didn’t jump me, Jensen,” Jared said kindly. “It’s not like I pushed you away, I just… I’ve never done… with a guy, I mean. It’s confusing.”

 

“So, why did you?” Jensen asked as he took another tentative step towards Jared.

 

“Honestly?” Jensen nodded. “I don’t know, but I don’t think I had a choice. Ever since I first saw you – after almost hitting you with my car – my head’s been so messed up. I’ve been thinking about… things I’ve never thought about before; things that would never even have occurred to me before.” Jared ran a hand through his shaggy hair and raised his eyes to the sky.

 

“About me?” Jensen asked softly. He was right beside him now and Jared looked down to meet his cautious but hopeful eyes.

 

“Yeah,” Jared swallowed. “About you.”

 

Jared’s body yearned to move closer to Jensen’s, to slip his hands over Jensen’s hips and hold him against his body; Jensen’s lips were begging to be kissed, and with great effort Jared took a step away. Jared sighed, and he felt the breath quiver as it left his body.

 

“But I can’t, Jensen. I’m sorry, I can’t and I don’t want to use you.”

 

“What makes you think you’d be using me?” Jensen questioned, a slight frown creasing his forehead.

 

“Well, the only explanation that I can think of for me to suddenly be acting like this is that I’m on the rebound from Sandy, and you’re probably the same with Tom,” Jared explained rationally. Jensen took a step back, hurt flashing over his face as he pursed his lips together.

 

“Or maybe you’re just attracted to me,” Jensen snapped harshly. “D’you ever think of that? ‘Cause I know I’m sure as Hell attracted to you, it had nothing to do with being on the rebound. I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I’d wanted to from the moment I saw you. I – I thought you wanted it too.” His voice had softened a little, but he still kept his distance from Jared.

 

“I did want it too, and you’re gorgeous – you know you are. But this?” Jared gestured between the two of them desperately, trying to find the words. “I think… Hell I don’t know what to think, I’ve never done this before and to be honest it’s scaring the shit out of me,” Jared finally admitted, leaning back against his car door.

 

Jensen deflated and leaned on the car next to Jared.

 

“Yeah I bet,” he said, and smiled wryly. “Look, if you don’t want me to, you know –” Jensen shot Jared a sheepish glance. “I can just find another way home, you don’t have to –”

 

“Dude,” Jared grinned, shaking his head slightly until Jensen looked at him. “Get in the damn car.”

 

Jensen’s face split into a grin and they both chuckled a little. They got in the Impala and in no time Jared was peeling down the road towards Jensen’s home.

 

***

 

The drive flew by so quickly that Jared was surprised at first when Jensen started directing him around the streets. They’d fallen easily into the banter they’d managed before they’d… you know. Kissed. It wasn’t like it hadn’t happened, they just didn’t talk about it, but it also wasn’t floating around between them like a bomb waiting to blow them to smithereens. The Impala had been filled with laughter and gentle jibes at each other, their conversation about nothing in particular, yet to Jared it felt vital. He absorbed every word that left Jensen’s lips.

 

“This is my street,” Jensen said suddenly, pointing ahead. Jared’s heart dropped and a panic began vibrating through his body. But what could he do? Ask Jensen not to go back to his life? To stay with him when Jared had nothing to give him? Not likely. All the same, Jared felt like he was losing him, even if they weren’t anything more than friends, he still felt like they could’ve been good friends. _Amazing_ friends.

 

“What the fuck?” Jensen’s harsh voice broke him out of his misery; Jared looked at the other man, following his piercing glare to a house a couple of doors down. “Oh, you’ve gotta be shitting me!” Jensen fumed.

 

Jared pulled the car over to the curb, and Jensen was out the door before it had even fully stopped. Hastily Jared followed, desperate to know what had distressed Jensen all of a sudden.

 

“Son of a BITCH!!” Jensen yelled as he stood in front of a pile of garbage – or at least it was all garbage _now_. Jensen didn’t even go through any of it – he just fell to his knees on the sidewalk, defeated, all the anger draining from him as his eyes surveyed what Jared assumed to be all his worldly possessions. Jared started to pick through a heap of smashed CD’s and DVD’s. His eyes roved over the books with the pages torn to shreds, a wide screen TV that looked as though it had been shoved out the first floor window and a smouldering pile of what looked as though it used to be clothes. Not a single item could be salvaged.

 

“God Jensen, he didn’t –” Jared faltered; he truly didn’t know what to say.

 

“Didn’t waste any time, did he?” Jensen finished for him.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Jared told him weakly. _Like that’s gonna make him feel any better._

 

Jensen looked at the ground, averting his eyes from the shattered remains of his belongings. His voice cracked when he spoke, “Thanks.”

 

Jared frowned but didn’t hesitate to kneel next to Jensen and take him into his arms. Jensen’s body shook; whether it was from anger or if he was crying Jared wasn’t sure, but immediately Jensen leaned into Jared’s warmth, burying his face in Jared’s shoulder. 

 

“It’s okay,” Jared soothed as he cradled Jensen, rocking slightly as he would a small child. “We’ll figure something out, I promise, Jen.”

 

“How could he do this to me?” Jensen whispered and Jared felt rage starting to burn through his veins.

 

“I want my keys back.”

 

The voice startled the two of them – it was cold and emotionless, and Jared didn’t have to be told to know it belonged to Tom.

 

Jensen stopped shaking and looked up at Tom. Jared’s heart broke at the flare of hate he saw on a face he knew should never have been contorted into such an ugly, angry shape. But he knew it was only on the surface – he could still see the real feelings; the betrayal, the hurt and the sorrow swirling around in Jensen’s watery-green eyes.

 

“Why?” was all Jensen could manage, he slowly got to his feet and stepped towards Tom.

 

“It’s my house, I didn’t want your stuff stinking up the place,” Tom said matter of factually. He stepped down from where he was on the porch of his house and emptied a box of things onto the pile of burnt clothes. They fell with a crash and a tinkling of shattering glass – they were photos: of Jensen and Tom, of Jensen by himself, of people Jared didn’t recognise. The photos smouldered in the heat that remained from the fire until the smiling faces were unrecognisable.

 

Jensen watched in horror, and his face flared in anger again.

 

“How - how could you do this?” Jensen’s voice cracked again and Jared had to force himself to stay on the sidelines – this wasn’t his battle and he had no place butting into their business, but like Hell was he going to leave Jensen alone now.

 

“Well you said you were going to move out, I just thought I’d save you the trouble,” Tom smirked as he moved to tower over Jensen. Tom’s piercing blue eyes bore holes into Jensen who, to his credit, stood tall and straightened his shoulders.

 

“All this cause I said your mom couldn’t cook?” Jensen asked; he tried to blink the tears out of his eyes, tried not to show weakness.

 

“Oh Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. You just don’t get it, do you?” Tom sighed deeply, his face a picture of mock sympathy for who he obviously viewed as a stupid person. He wrapped an arm around Jensen’s shoulder and pulled him along away from the house as he spoke, “It’s not like I was going to keep you around forever anyway.”

 

“What?” Jensen gasped, too shocked to pull away from Tom’s embrace. “Then why… with your parents?”

 

“I have to take someone up there every now and then, otherwise they don’t stop nagging,” Tom explained with a roll of his eyes, as though it should be obvious. “Then they show up on my doorstep, eat all my food, rearrange my furniture and I can’t get rid of them for a week.”

 

“But we’ve been together for nearly two years. I thought –” Jensen choked.

 

“You thought what? That I loved you? Oh please,” Tom scoffed. “You’re a pretty face and a willing fuck, Jenny, why wouldn’t I keep you while you were useful? But really, you’re too emotional, too needy.”

 

His words twisted foully inside Jared as he watched. He couldn’t imagine how they made Jensen feel. Tom was enjoying it – Jared could see it in his eyes – he was loving every second of putting Jensen down, and Jared’s fist was clenching so hard, he swore he drew blood with his nails in his palm.

 

“Now it’s time to move on, Jenny. That’s what I intend to do and I suggest you do the same.”

 

“You planned this, didn’t you? When you kicked me out of the car you knew you were going to come back and do this, didn’t you?” Jensen growled, finally shoving Tom off him angrily. Tom just laughed.

 

“Your face was a picture, Jenny. I wish I’d had a camera and taken something to remember you by,” Tom grinned evilly.

 

“You didn’t even come back for me, I could’ve died out there you jackass! And you don’t even care, do you?!” Jensen spat at him, his voice getting louder by the second. Tom didn’t even say a word; he just looked bored with the whole conversation.

 

Jensen took a few horrified stumbles backwards, unable to tear his eyes away from his ex-boyfriend’s face.

 

“Look, you’re okay, you didn’t die,” Tom sighed.

 

“Only ‘cause I barely avoided running him over,” Jared snapped, unable to keep his mouth shut and watch any longer. Jensen jumped at Jared’s voice, as though he’d completely forgotten Jared was there. 

 

“Ah yes, your strapping hero,” Tom said sarcastically, stalking towards Jared and eyed him up and down appraisingly. “Tall, like me. Handsome, like me. Fit body… _like me._ ” Tom looked over at Jensen in amusement. “Trying to say something Jenny?”

 

Jensen looked horrified. He opened his mouth but Tom was talking again, staring Jared right in the eye whilst still speaking to Jensen. His smirk made Jared’s blood boil.

 

“Has he fucked you yet? Have you begged him to take you hard and rough like you begged me? Did you imagine it was me when he was fucking you, huh Jenny?” The glint in Tom’s eye showed that he knew they hadn’t.

 

“You son of a bitch, leave him out of this!” Jensen came up behind Tom and tried to pull him away from Jared. Jared knew Jensen was no weakling, but Tom was much bigger and he just shrugged off Jensen’s grasp.

 

“What part of his ‘poor, poor me’ story did he win you over with?” Tom asked Jared. “How his mommy never loved him? How his daddy ran off with some slut only to kill them both while drunk driving? How his sister won’t even talk to him because he’s gay? How he had to work his way through college all on his own ‘cause no one would help pay his way?”

 

“Tom, don’t,” Jensen begged quietly and Tom beamed in victory at the sound, his eyes still fixed on Jared’s.

 

Jared’s body was shaking with anger and hate. He didn’t even know Tom and he hated him. How could this asshole talk like that about Jensen? And even if these things were true, who the Hell was Tom to tell people about them? Jared breathed deep to keep his rage under control, but he was really struggling not to lay Tom out cold. He couldn’t even trust himself to speak. The two of them stared at each other, silently, coldly, neither willing to make the first move nor sure what the other would do if they did.

 

“What’s the matter, stun you into silence?” Tom drawled in Jared’s face.

 

“Tom,” Jensen warned in a low voice.

 

Tom rolled his eyes and turned away. He walked back towards the house, straight past Jensen without so much as a sideways glance, throwing a flippant, “Goodbye Jenny,” over his shoulder as he went.

 

“What am I supposed to do now?” Jensen shouted after him. “I don’t even have anything to wear to work.”

 

“Oh you don’t have to worry about that, Jenny,” Tom said, turning back to sneer at Jensen.

 

“You’re fired.”

 

“What the –? You - you can’t do that!” Jensen stuttered in shock.

 

“It’s my company, I can do what ever I damn well please,” Tom snarled angrily. “You think I want to see your stupid face around the office every single fucking day? Please.” Tom took three long strides back down the front lawn, and was right back up in Jensen’s face.

 

“I fucking run that company, it would fall apart if it wasn’t for me and you know it,” Jensen growled, his jaw twitching as he clenched it hard.

 

“You think so, do you?” Tom questioned, levelling his gaze at Jensen in an even stare.

 

“Nobody knows how things run like I do,” Jensen stated coldly. “I brought in most of your clients, I know the ins and outs of everything that goes on, I –”

 

“You’re not the only one, Jenny,” Tom grinned. Jensen just gaped at him. “Although it’s true you have been an asset, I happen to know someone who can do your job almost as well as you. As I would expect, seeing as you trained him.”

 

“Mike!” Jensen practically squeaked.

 

“Yes, I’ve found Mike to be very agreeable, in more ways than one,” Tom told him lowly, watching as the realisation dawned on Jensen’s face.

 

“You cheated on me?” he asked. “With _Mike_?”

 

The hurt in Jensen’s voice broke Jared’s heart – the guy had just lost _everything_ and this asshole was purposefully rubbing salt into the raw, open wounds.

 

“Well, with Mike for starters,” Tom shrugged.

 

With that, Tom turned on his heels and walked away again, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest.

 

“Tom –” Jensen marched up to Tom and tried to stop him from walking away. Tom flung his arm back, catching Jensen in the face. Jensen went stumbling backwards onto the ground, holding a hand to his sore cheek; Tom sneered at him for a moment and then continued walking.

 

“You fucking bastard,” Jared spat. He strode forward, his long legs covering the distance between them almost instantly. He grabbed Tom’s shoulder, spun him round and introduced his jaw to a very powerful fist with a roaring right hook. Tom didn’t even have a chance to blink before he was sprawled in the ground, blood dripping from the split in his lip. His eyes were slightly unfocused when he tried to stand, wiping the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand.

 

“Don’t make me put you down again,” Jared warned, his voice low and dangerous. After a second to study Jared, Tom sat back down; he turned his face, his features contorted with a mix of embarrassment and anger, grinding his teeth and wincing when his jaw throbbed in pain.


	3. Chapter 3

** Chapter Three **

 

Jared shook out his aching fist and glared down at Tom, but only for a moment. Then he turned and hurried to Jensen’s side, helping him to his feet. Jensen brushed himself down as he stood. Without sparing Tom a glance; he stormed right past him and in through the open doorway of the house. Jared didn’t follow, leaving Jensen to survey his old home alone. Instead, he leant against the Audi parked in the driveway and folded his arms to wait. His gaze brushed over the posh car before something inside it caught his eye. Jared tested the door to find it unlocked, and he didn’t hesitate to reach inside and pull out the jacket laying on the seat. A quick check of the pockets revealed a cell phone, a set of keys and a wallet.

 

Just then, Jensen came out of the house empty handed, his face sullen.

 

“Everything,” he mumbled. “He destroyed everything. There’s not a single thing left.”

 

“Except this,” Jared said as he held out the jacket. Jensen’s eyes widened slightly; he marched past Jared and popped the trunk of the car open. Jared watched him smile grimly before lugging out a small suitcase.

 

“Guess he forgot about these, huh?” Jensen huffed out a small laugh. “In too much of a rush to ruin my life, I guess.”

 

“Come on,” Jared said gently. “Let’s get you away from this loser.”

 

Jared handed Jensen his jacket, then he took the suitcase and put it in the trunk of the Impala. Jensen slipped into his jacket and felt in the pockets; satisfied he had his wallet and cell, he took out his keys and moved to stand before Tom. Jared watched as Jensen held his head high and looked down at Tom without saying a word. Tom glared up at him, and for a moment Jared thought he was going to stand, but he seemed to think better of it. Then Jensen tossed his keys in Tom’s lap and turned his back on the smouldering remains of his life. Jared felt a swell of pride in between the waves of anger and sorrow.

 

“Ready to go?” he asked as Jensen went to the passenger side of the car.

 

Jensen didn’t look back; he just nodded, climbed in and stared out the window. Jared did take a moment to glare at Tom before driving them away.

 

 

They drove in silence for a while; Jensen just sat, gazing out the window. Jared searched for something to say, even though he knew deep down that there was nothing he could possibly say that would make Jensen feel better. He hoped Jensen wasn’t mad at him for getting involved and knocking Tom on his ass, no matter how much they both knew he deserved it.

 

“Jensen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hit him, it wasn’t my place,” Jared finally apologised, shifting in his seat nervously.

 

“No, thank you,” Jensen said quietly. When he looked over at Jared, his eyes shone with gratitude. “I wish I could’ve done it myself…” He paused. “Guess I’m pretty weak, huh?” He waved his hand to ward off Jared’s disagreements before he could voice them.

 

It was a while before either one of them spoke again. They were just passing a small lake when Jensen murmured, “Hey Jay – could you pull over a minute?”

 

Jared simply nodded and pulled the Impala into one of the empty parking spaces. Jensen got out, pulling his cell from his pocket, and stood by the waters edge. Jared went over to sit on one of the picnic tables. The area was pretty quiet; a few joggers and dog walkers went past, but mostly they were alone.

 

“Don’t worry, Chris, I’ll figure something out,” Jensen was saying into his phone, walking back towards where Jared sat. “You sure you don’t want me to –” He listened for a moment. “Okay, alright. You just give my love to Steve and the family.”

 

Jensen sat next to Jared on the bench and rubbed his eyes.

 

“No, Chris, just leave it. I know he’s an asshole, but I just want him out of my life now, so just leave him be, okay? Promise me?”

 

Jared smiled; he was glad Jensen had friends that were willing to stand up for him.

 

“Yeah, I’ll call you as soon as I know what I’m gonna do. Yeah, thanks Chris. Take care of my boy alright? Okay, bye.”

 

Jensen sighed as he flipped his phone closed; he looked over to Jared, offering him a weak smile.

 

“Your boy?” Jared questioned.

 

“My best friend, Steve. I was hoping to go to his and Chris’s place, but Steve’s dad’s in the hospital, and they’re not sure what’s wrong with him. They’ve flown out to be with Steve’s family, they haven’t got a clue how long they’re gonna to be gone,” Jensen explained, a concerned frown on his face

 

“What are you going to do now?” Jared asked softly.

 

“I dunno,” Jensen spoke to the sky. "Chris said to clear my head."

 

“Do you have any family, or other friends you can go to?” Jared questioned

 

“No, no family. What Tom said about them is true,” Jensen said, standing to walk closer to the lake. “Chris and Steve are pretty much my only friends, and they’re definitely the only ones that would’ve taken me in. Everyone else? They’re Tom’s friends. I know for a fact that they’ll side with him over this.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared said lamely.

 

Jensen shook his head. “It’s not your fault,” he said, his voice cracking.

 

“Jensen?” Jared asked, concerned by the waver in his voice. When Jensen didn’t answer Jared moved to stand next to him.

 

“Are you okay?” Jared asked, placing a hand on Jensen’s shoulder comfortingly; he knew it was a stupid question but he honestly didn’t know what else to say.

 

Jensen shook his head and stared into the distance across the still water. “No Jared, I don’t think I am.”

 

Jared lifted his hand to Jensen’s chin and gently turned his head to face him. Jensen’s sorrow-filled eyes gradually rose to meet Jared’s, a tear escaping to bore a trail down Jensen’s cheek. Jared used his thumb to brush it away before pulling Jensen into his arms. Jensen didn’t resist, he went willingly into the embrace and allowed himself to be held.

 

“I’ve lost everything, Jared,” Jensen said, Jared’s chest muffling his voice. “Everything I’ve worked for, everything I own. I’ve got nothing left.”

 

Jared held him tighter, subconsciously pressing a kiss to his temple. There was nothing he could say to make things better for Jensen – his life had just been ripped apart, and he’d been made to stare helplessly at the tattered remains. He had no one and he had nothing. Jared’s heart ached for him, and at that moment in time he would’ve done anything to see Jensen smile again – to hear him laugh, to take that weight from his shoulders and make everything okay again.

 

“What am I going to do?” Jensen asked softly, burying his face further into Jared’s chest.

 

“Come with me,” Jared blurted suddenly.

 

Jensen pulled his head back to stare at Jared.

 

“What?” he asked, shocked. Jared thought about what he’d just said and realised that he’d meant it.

 

“Yeah, come with me,” he said again. “You said you’ve never travelled but you’ve always wanted to. I’m travelling on my own, and it’d be good to have some company.”

 

Jensen just stared at him sceptically.

 

“We can go wherever you want. I don’t care where we go, I just want to be on the road, have some time away from my life. We could go visit your friends, you could check on Steve. You know – be there for your boy,” Jared rambled on and on, liking the idea the more he talked about it. “And if you ever just wanted to come back here, I’ll bring you – no problem. Come on, what do you say? It’ll be fun. We’ll sleep in shitty motels and eat dodgy diner food, do the tourist thing in places we don’t care about, drive all night and all day, sleep in the car, wash our clothes in Laundromats. That is, if you think you can put up with me.”

 

Jared was bouncing on the balls of his feet, getting more and more excited, knowing he’d be crushed if Jensen said no. But Jensen laughed at him.

 

“You’re crazy, you know that?” Jensen gave him a lopsided smile.

 

“It has been said,” Jared confirmed. “So, is that a yes?”

 

“Sounds like the best offer I’ve had in years.” Jensen grinned before he was lifted from the ground in a stifling Padalecki bear hug.

 

“Man, we’re gonna have so much fun,” Jared babbled excitedly. “We can do what ever we want, nothing to hold us back.” He walked back to the Impala, with Jensen trailing after him, ever amused by Jared’s enthusiasm. He was just about to climb behind the wheel when Jensen stopped him with a hand on his arm.

 

“Hey Jared? Thank you. For everything,” Jensen said seriously.

 

Jared stopped his bouncing and gazed at Jensen, an honest smile playing on his lips. “You’re welcome. Now get in the car and let’s hit the road, huh?” He waggled his eyebrows and stuck his tongue between his teeth, before leaping into the car and gunning the engine. Jensen’s door was barely closed before Jared had the Impala spinning out onto the road.

 

***

 

They’d been travelling blindly for five days. They’d agreed that they’d travel without a map, they wouldn’t keep track of where they were and the only time they would ask for directions was when they needed gas, food or a comfortable bed.

 

It had been so much fun so far that they’d both almost forgotten about the troubles they were running away from – they didn’t talk about their lives, they didn’t talk about what they wanted out of life. They just made fun of each other, laughed at their own expenses and just had a good time without a care in the world. Now they were stopped at a motel, sharing a twin room as usual, and were spending the day washing their clothes, each accusing the other of stinking the worst.

 

“Okay, seriously man, we need to go out tonight, get a drink, play some pool,” Jensen said as he folded up his clothes, putting them neatly into his suitcase. “As much as I love your car, dude – I’d kinda like a break from it.”

 

“I think that’s an awesome idea,” Jared grinned. The thought of hanging out in some bar, knocking back a few beers, sounded like heaven to him. “I saw a bar just down the road from here, maybe we could check that place out?” he suggested.

 

“Jared, my friend, it looks like we have a plan.” Jensen chuckles as they beamed at each other across the bench.

 

***

 

Jared watched as Jensen leaned over the pool table and potted yet another ball. He found his eyes travelling down Jensen’s muscular back to where his shirt hitched up above his waist, revealing a pale slither of smooth skin. When his gaze fell even further to admire how Jensen’s jeans hugged his ass, Jared found himself blushing without warning.

 

“…kick your ass!” Jensen was saying.

 

_Huh? Shit, he caught me staring and he’s mad!_ Jared quickly looked over at Jensen, who was casually walking round the table with a smile on his face.

 

“What?” Jared asked nervously.

 

“I said, how does it feel having me kick you ass?” Jensen smirked. “Come on dude, you said you could play and I know you’re not _that_ drunk, yet.”

 

“Sorry, I guess I’ve just got things on my mind,” Jared said, quickly looking away to hide his burning cheeks. _Yeah, like your ass, and hands, and lips,_ the little voice in his head taunted him.

 

As he lined up his shot, Jared found his mind wandering again. He had no choice but to admit – at least to himself – that over the days they’d spent travelling, his mind kept taking him back to when they’d kissed, and how amazing it had felt. Since then Jensen had made no attempts to re-enact that moment and Jared was surprised to find he was disappointed. But there was no way he could initiate anything himself, he was way too scared of being rejected, or making a fool of himself. Or both.

 

The shot missed. He perched against the table as Jensen took aim once again.

 

“You okay?” Jensen asked, looking up from his aim. His face was full of concern and Jared felt a pool of warmth bubbling in his soul at the sheer fact that Jensen even cared if he was or if he wasn’t. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

“What? No dude, no. It’s nothing,” Jared replied, waving his hand carelessly.

 

Jensen abandoned his shot and walked round the table to lean casually on it next to Jared. “You sure?” he asked softly, bumping his shoulder against Jared’s. “You can talk to me you know.”

 

Heat seeped through Jared’s body from where they brushed against each other. When he smiled thankfully over at Jensen his breath hitched – the man was truly gorgeous. The soft light given off from the pool table fell on Jensen’s face, and Jared could make out a dusting of freckles over his nose and cheeks. His eyes traced the patterns they made while his fingers itched to reach out and touch them.

 

“Jen –” Jared leaned a little toward Jensen. He didn’t know what he was trying to say; whatever it was it didn’t matter because his voice refused to form any other sounds anyway.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

The other voice startled Jared out of his daze, and they both turned to meet the owner of said voice. On the other side of Jensen was another man, he leaned against the table, and fixed his deep brown eyes on Jensen. Jared dragged his eyes over the guy, scrutinising him. He stood just a little taller than Jensen but shorter than Jared, his short dark hair neatly cropped – making Jared feel self-conscious about his own long messy bangs – and he flashed a million-watt smile, showing off straight, pure-white teeth. Jared couldn’t deny the guy was good-looking.

 

“My friends ditched me tonight, and was wondering if you minded having a game with me?” the guy asked Jensen, not sparing a glance for Jared.

 

Jensen looked at the pool table and its remaining balls before shooting Jared a look. Jared’s heart sunk when he saw the hesitation on Jensen’s face, he wanted to play a game with this guy but in the spirit of friendship he didn’t want to hurt Jared’s feelings.

 

“Well, we were kinda in the middle of one,” Jensen told him apologetically. Jared felt like an asshole – who was he to stop Jensen if that’s what he wanted to do. He sucked in his pride and pushed off the table.

 

“Nah man, it’s cool,” he forced himself to shrug carelessly. “I’m totally off my game tonight anyway. You two go ahead, have fun.”

 

“Jared –” Jensen frowned and made to take a step his way. Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome smiled triumphantly and started setting up the balls.

 

“Hey, you want another beer?” Jared asked, interrupting any well-meant objections Jensen was thinking of voicing.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Jensen replied, stopping his advance. He looked like he was about to say something else when the guy came up behind him and spoke into his ear. Jensen turned to listen; Jared nodded to himself and hastily made his way to the bar, his mind a whirl of thoughts and emotions. He was lusting after another _man, seriously lusting,_ his veins thrumming with jealously and dismay. Obviously what he’d been feeling had just been a one way thing, and Jared had ruined any chance with Jensen when he’d rejected him the first time.

 

Jared slumped into a bar stool nursing the remainder of his beer, and waited for the girl behind the bar to notice him.

 

“Hey handsome. Why the long face?”

 

Jared turned on his stool and was met with an enormous pair of breasts. Blinking rapidly in shock, he quickly raised his eye to their owner. She was beautiful – a little fake maybe, with her bleached blonde hair and way too much makeup, but her smile was genuine and kind. She stumbled a little and Jared quickly rose and took her waist to guide her onto his stool.

 

“Whoa there, you okay?” Jared asked, chuckling a little when he saw the glaze in her eyes.

 

“Ugh, never go out drinking in way too high heels, they’re a bitch to walk in once you get a little tipsy,” she laughed self-depreciably, reaching down to rub her feet, while giving Jared another healthy view of her nicely-enhanced chest.

 

“I’ll bear that in mind, thanks.” Jared laughed, momentarily forgetting about Jensen and Mr. Handsome, until he felt eyes on him. He turned his head to look toward the pool table and saw Jensen looking at him over his shoulder. Jared saw something in his eyes but at that distance he couldn’t place it. Then Mr. Handsome walked past his line of vision, and all Jared saw was him dragging his hand across the small of Jensen’s back as he passed, standing way too close to Jensen as he spoke to him.

 

Jared glared, his body teaming with anger and possessiveness, his heart beat too fast as he mentally tried to get Jensen’s attention again. But Jensen wasn’t looking at him anymore – he was leaning into the guy’s touch and smiling into his eyes. Jared went to move away from the bar, but was stopped by the girl behind it.

 

“What can I get ya, sugar?” she asked, sounding bored.

 

“Uh, two beers please,” Jared told her, still watching Jensen get perceptibly flirted with.

 

“Someone moving in on your man, honey?” the blonde next to him asked sympathetically.

 

“He’s not my man,” Jared said quietly, not taking his eyes off Jensen for a second.

 

“But you want him to be, huh?”

 

Jared watched Jensen’s hand drift down to Mr. Handsome’s hip as they stepped even closer to each other, the smile on Jensen’s lips clutched at Jared’s chest and he forced his eyes to look away.

 

“No, I’m not gay,” he told his new companion. “He can do whatever he likes.”

 

Two fresh beers were placed on the bar in front of Jared, so he downed the remainder of his old one and handed it to the girl behind the bar.

 

“Can I getcha anything else?” the barmaid asked.

 

“Yeah, gimme a couple shots of tequila and whatever this nice lady’s drinking.” Jared forced a smile and nodded his head in the blonde’s direction.

 

“Thanks, I think I’ll join you for a shot,” the blonde answered as she smiled happily.

 

“Another shot it is then,” Jared toasted her and downed on of the shots that the attentive bargirl had already poured for him.

 

“Hey, that for me?”

 

Jensen’s soft voice startled Jared just as he downed his second shot, the burn in his throat choking him slightly. Jensen’s voice was so close to his ear that he could feel his breath against his neck. Jared shivered; closing his eyes for a moment but keeping his back turned, not daring to look at him.

 

“Uh, yeah man, sorry, I got chatting with – uh –” Jared faltered, realising he didn’t know the blondes name.

 

“Charlie,” the blonde offered helpfully, just as Jensen leaned over to take his bottle off the bar. As he did so, his body pressed firmly against Jared’s back, his hand pressing lightly against Jared’s waist to hold his balance. Then it was gone.

 

“Yeah, Charlie,” Jared confirmed breathlessly, suddenly disappointed that the warm weight had disappeared from his back.

 

“I noticed,” Jensen said dryly. The tone in his voice caused Jared to turn, a little spark flashing in his heart that it might have been jealously he’d heard. But when he met Jensen’s eyes they were cold and emotionless.

 

“So, how’s your game going?” Jared bit off bitterly.

 

“Hasn’t really, been too busy _getting to know each other,_ ” Jensen drawled, casting a glance over to Mr. Handsome who was looking over with a blatant look of annoyance and impatience.

 

“Well, I guess I’d better let you get back to that then, don’t want to make you miss out on anything productive,” Jared almost snapped, staring pointedly over to Mr. Handsome.

 

“Yeah, right, I guess I will.” With that, Jensen turned and walked back to the pool table. Jared watched him go, and with each step he took, the further Jared’s heart dropped. Dear God, he had it bad, but what the Hell was he supposed to do about it? How did relationships with other men work? Jared was out of his depth and beyond terrified didn’t cover what he was feeling.

 

“Oh sweetie, you’re gonna need a Hell of a lot more shots if you wanna make it through tonight,” Charlie told him, signalling that this was her round.

 

***

 

Jared’s head was swimming nicely. The tequila, he thought, had definitely been the right move. Jared had tried not to notice that Jensen had been getting closer and closer to Mr. Handsome; that their flirtations had escalated to almost unbearable levels. Okay, so maybe they hadn’t actually made out in front of him, if they had, Jared thought he might have exploded, but they’d come damn close. Always touching each other, laughing ridiculously loud and standing so close they could share breath.

 

Jared, to play his part, was all over Charlie, his drunkenness had made him horny and she was nice, she was so nice that she’d actually avoided all of his advances, like she knew it wasn’t what he really wanted.

 

Jared slammed back another shot and chased it with a beer before taking the other shot on the bar and tipping it into Charlie’s mouth. He grabbed one of the limes they had almost forgotten to use and shoved it in her mouth, forcing her to suck it _and_ his fingers. Once she’d managed to take it all down Jared’s face was so close to hers she gasped in shock.

 

“Jared, baby, what are you doing?” she mumbled drunkenly.

 

“Kissing you,” Jared replied, just as his hand caught the side of her face and guided her lips to his. He lost track of time as he concentrated on Charlie’s hot, moist mouth.

 

“Jared!” Jensen’s voice broke through Jared’s tequila haze, startling them out of their kiss. Jared cleared his throat before turning his head sluggishly toward Jensen.

 

“Jensen,” he replied, emotionless.

 

“Me and Dave are heading out,” Jensen told him. His jaw twitched uncertainly, but Jared just snorted.

 

“Yeah, what ever man, just don’t forget we’re leaving early tomorrow,” Jared put his arm around Charlie’s shoulder and pulled her closer to him.

 

“Oh, I dunno, I might decide to keep him.” Dave appeared behind Jensen, slipping his arms around his waist and nuzzling his neck affectionately. Jensen locked eyes with Jared and leaned back into Dave’s touch, his face blank. Jared fought to keep his breathing steady as an intense hatred toward the man draping himself all over Jensen surged through him. He flicked his attention to Dave for a moment and took in his smug look. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing, he knew what he was getting between and he was loving the fact that he was winning. Dave wanted Jensen and had succeeded in taking him from the man he’d come in with, and now, as he spread his hand over Jensen’s stomach, the tips of his fingers dipping under the waist of Jensen’s jeans, Dave was gloating.

 

Jared decided to ignore Dave’s comment. Instead, he turned back to the bar and lifted another shot, “I won’t wait up,” he told Jensen flippantly.

 

“Come on, Jensen, let’s go,” Dave said.

 

It was a moment before Jensen said anything, Jared’s heart pounded, he wanted to turn back and claim Jensen, say that he’d come with him and he was going home with him. Another part of him waited hopefully for Jensen to choose him of his own accord, to give Dave the brush off so they could go back to the way they were, or could have been.

 

“Yeah – yeah okay. Let’s get out of here,” Jensen finally said, and Jared fought the tears that threatened to build in his eyes. He wondered idly if Jensen noticed his shoulders slump, defeated.

 

Jared didn’t turn when he heard them walking away; he didn’t want to watch Jensen’s back leaving him behind. Instead, he turned toward Charlie and forced a smile.

 

“So, where were we?” Jared drawled, leaning closer and reaching out for her.

 

“You’re a stubborn son of a bitch, you know that?” Charlie snapped, shaking her head and pushing him away.

 

“What?” Jared questioned, taken back.

 

“He didn’t want to go with that guy you idiot, he was just waiting for you to stop him,” she told him.

 

“Could’ve fooled me,” Jared said bitterly. “The way they were all over each other –” Jared let his voice trail off, and he couldn’t help turning his head toward to exit, just in time to catch the show of Jensen being kissed to death against the wall by the door before being dragged outside. “– like that!” His voice cracked. He turned away and tried to swallow the lump building in his throat.

 

“Oh Jared, honey. Surely you’re not that dumb.”

 

“What do you mean by that?” Jared wasn’t sure if he should take offence or not.

 

“What is it you’ve been doing here with me all night?” When Jared didn’t answer, Charlie continued. “You’ve been over here flirting like crazy just to make him jealous. Right?”

 

Jared dipped his head, ashamed that he’d been so obviously found out.

 

“I –” Jared sighed and rubbed his hand over his face.

 

“What’s holding you back?” Charlie asked the big question.

 

“I’ve never – I mean – with a guy before,” Jared tried to explain. “I dunno _how_ to – _be_ with a guy.”

 

“And you’re scared?” Charlie prodded gently.

 

All Jared could do was nod because that was exactly it – he _was_ terrified. Not only of being actually intimate with Jensen or of the fear of not being any good, but mainly he was scared he’d try and then chicken out. Would Jensen think him a tease if he stopped him yet again when if he couldn’t go through with it?

 

“What if I can’t do it?” he whispered, peeling the label off his beer bottle. “What if he hates me?”

 

Suddenly Jared was swept into Charlie’s arms and held tightly, a soft hand carding through his hair.

 

“Oh sweetie, you really think he’d ever hate you? The guy’s so obviously crazy for you!” Charlie told him gently; Jared tipped his head to look at her shyly.

 

“You think?” he asked eagerly. Charlie nodded in response and let him go. “But what if I’m using him?”

 

“What do you mean?” Charlie frowned.

 

“What if I’m only into him ‘cause he was there when I needed someone?” Jared explained, letting the fear creep into his voice slightly. “I mean, I just caught my girlfriend cheating, _again_ , and broke up with her right then and there. Then I literally find Jensen on the side of the road while I’m getting away. And he’s only just broken up with _his_ boyfriend. The fucker wrecked his entire life, and I mean wrecked it – burnt all his clothes, smashed everything else he owned and lost him his job – the poor guy’s got nothing now. What if we’re just searching for some comfort and then we’ll hate each other later ‘cause the timing was all wrong?” Jared gasped for air before gulping down a large amount of his beer and slamming it back onto the bar.

 

Charlie looked at him carefully. “So you think that letting you and him get it out of your systems, you know – do the rebound thing – will mean that when you two finally get it on, it’ll actually work out?” she asked, her voice soft and her eyes sympathetic.

 

“Not sure I ever thought of it that way, but yeah,” Jared replied. “How could that be a bad thing?”

 

“You really care for him, huh?” Charlie prompted.

 

“I’ve known the guy for about a week and already I can’t imagine my life without him in it,” Jared confessed, surprising himself with the revelation.

 

“Well then, let me tell ya, acting the way you did tonight? You’re just pushing him away,” Charlie said softly, putting her hand over Jared’s. “You gotta go find your man and tell him all the things you told me before you lose him for good!”

 

Fear shot through Jared – it never occurred to him that he may actually lose Jensen over _another man._ And before they’d even gone anywhere near the realms of a relationship.

 

_Oh God, what if he doesn’t come back?_ The panic rose in Jared’s throat like a tide.

 

“Shit – I gotta go.”

 

Jared stood so suddenly his bar stool clattered to the ground. He checked his pockets, hurriedly making sure he had everything. He took a few long strides almost bolted through the door before he remembered his manners, and he returned to the bar where he enveloped Charlie in a tight hug.

 

“Thank you, so much.” He squeezed her firmly. “You must be sent from heaven.”

 

“Aw, sugar. You’ve been fine company tonight and I thank _you_. Now go get your man, okay?” Charlie hugged him back tightly for a moment, before she started pushing him away.

 

“You need someone to take you home?” Jared asked, concerned about Charlie walking anywhere alone.

 

“No honey, this is my local. Anyone here will gladly take me home,” Charlie grinned at him.

 

Jared faltered at her words. “So, really – how close did I come to getting taken out back and sorted out tonight?” he asked only half joking, as he eyed her carefully before letting his gaze scan the room for any threats.

 

“Not even close, I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to,” Charlie assured him with a giggle. “Like I said, you’ve been great company and I’m glad to have met you, Jared.”

 

“You too, Charlie.” Jared took her into another hug before starting to back away. “You take care of yourself Charlie, you’re a real lady.”

 

Charlie simply toasted him with a shot, gave him a wink and watched him walk away.


	4. Chapter 4

** Chapter Four **

 

Not knowing where else to look for Jensen, when he couldn’t find him in the vicinity of the bar, Jared decided to go back to the motel. Part of him had convinced himself that Jensen would be there waiting for him – that they would fall into each others arms, both spouting apologies and kissing each other breathless, but as Jared approached their motel room all hopes of that faded when he saw the darkened windows. There was no sign of life. Jensen hadn’t come back.

 

Letting himself into to the room, Jared sombrely shut the door behind him, flicked the light on and just stood there, surveying the empty room. At least Jensen’s suitcase was still there, packed ready to move on the next day.

 

Jared took a deep breath, letting it out slowly; he wouldn’t give up yet, not with only this one setback. He’d simply wait for Jensen to get back and then tell him how he felt; he’d tell him the truth. So, he took a seat and waited for Jensen to walk through the door, thoughts of murmured apologies and breathless kisses working their way back into his mind.

 

Jared smiled at the thought of tasting Jensen’s mouth again, and at the thought of having Jensen’s hands on him; of putting his hands on Jensen. God, the thought alone was intoxicating and Jared had to shift slightly to accommodate his growing erection.

 

Ten minutes passed – fifteen. Thirty minutes and still no Jensen.

 

What if Jensen really was off somewhere letting Dave fuck him senseless? God, what if it was too late, that he’d already screwed up any chance he ever had with Jensen?

 

An hour later, Jared was giving up hope. Slowly he stood and his was body grateful for the movement. He miserably turned off the light; carefully moved to his bed and reluctantly stripped down to his boxers, then he collapsed onto his hard mattress and stared up at the shadows sprawled across the ceiling from outside. He couldn’t stem the flood of images that plagued his mind – Jensen bent over on Dave’s bed, letting Dave take him hard and rough – just like Tom had said he liked it. Jensen calling out Dave’s name, panting and praising how good it felt to have Dave slamming into him.

 

Jared’s stomach lurched; he pushed himself off the bed and dashed to the bathroom. As he emptied the contents of his stomach, he knew it had nothing to do with the amount of tequila he’d ingested and everything to do with the thought of Jensen being with a man that wasn’t him.

 

Once he’d emptied everything he had in his stomach he sat on the cold tiles, shivering uncontrollably for a few minutes. When he felt strong enough to stand Jared brushed his teeth and splashed his sweaty face with cold water, then he sluggishly made his way back to his bed and crawled under the covers, depression settling itself over him. He tried his best to sleep, to let his mind go blank and not think about Jensen and Dave together. But his mind refused to clear. It just kept throwing nauseating images at him.

 

Why was he so stupid? What had he been thinking, going off and flirting with Charlie all night like that? He should have stayed with Jensen, made his presence known and made it obvious that Dave had competition.

 

Jensen probably thought he really wasn’t interested, that the whole turning gay thing had been a fluke and Jared wasn’t going to go there again. Was Charlie right? Did Jensen still have feelings for him? _Why won’t my brain shut up and stop torturing me?_

 

Jared had no idea how long he lay there, willing the evasive sleep to come, but he was still wide awake – not even the tequila making him drowsy – when the door to the motel room opened and a cold gush of air brushed over him.

 

Jared watched the single figure stand in the doorway, silhouetted by the lights outside, it was Jensen, and he was alone. Jensen was looking at him and Jared wondered if it was noticeable that he was awake, maybe he should say something. All he wanted to do was leap out of bed and take Jensen into his arms, but the thought of smelling Dave all over him made his stomach roll again, thoughts of their rough sex invading his mind again. _What if Jensen stank of sex?_ Jared didn’t move and eventually the door closed and Jensen made his way through the darkness to the bathroom.

 

When Jared heard the shower running he didn’t know whether to be relieved or down hearted, that Jensen was washing all scent of sex and Dave off him so Jared didn’t have to smell it, or that there was the scent of sex to wash off in the first place. Of course it was possible that it was just an innocent shower after a night out drinking. He heard soft sounds coming from shower, surely Jensen wasn’t jerking off in there! Jared swallowed hard and tried not to think of Jensen with his hands on himself.

 

When the water eventually cut off – Jensen had been in there a long time – Jared rolled onto his side away from the door and groan quietly when he realised he was hard. He pretended to be asleep, silently cursing himself for being so weak and not talking to Jensen. He listened as Jensen brushed his teeth and moved around the bathroom, he listened as he came out and got into bed.

 

_Tomorrow,_ he promised himself. _I’ll talk to him tomorrow._

 

***

 

Jared barely slept. He watched the sun rise behind the thin curtains and eventually gave up the pretence of sleep. He hauled himself from his bed and into the bathroom for a long hot shower. On his way he looked over to Jensen, he was sleeping with his back to him, wrapped up tightly in the covers, mussed up hair sticking up over the pillow.

 

Jared sighed and took his shower, all the while trying not to think of Jensen in there last night, pulling slowly on his dick, soft moans falling from his sinful lips while the water cascaded down his pale skin. He tried not to wonder who Jensen would’ve been thinking of as he got himself off.

 

After his shower, Jared stared at himself in the mirror. God he looked like shit, dark circles under his eyes betrayed how little he’d slept, surprisingly his hangover was minimal, maybe it would hit him later.

 

_You’re a coward, Padalecki,_ he told his reflection harshly. _Get out there and talk to Jensen, tell him how you feel._

 

Jared took a few deep breaths, with his mind made up, the words he would say swimming through his head; he grabbed a towel, quickly wrapping round his waist and boldly left the bathroom.

 

He found Jensen was up and dressed, sitting at the table, head buried in a map – a _map_? But they’re not using maps! Jared’s words died on his lips as dread filled him.

 

“Hey,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling very self-conscious with only a towel to cover him. He quickly made his way to his bag and dug out some clean clothes, pulling them on.

 

“Hey,” Jensen replied quietly, not lifting his head from the map.

 

“What ya doin’?” Jared queried nervously.

 

Jensen sighed but didn’t look up. “Looking for the nearest airport,” he told Jared, sounding tired and sad.

 

“What?” That got Jared’s full attention as panic shot through him. This wasn’t supposed to be what happened. “What do you mean? Why are you looking for an airport? Where are you going?”

 

“I’m going to visit Steve, he and Chris are in California.” Jensen started folding up the map.

 

“Okay, so why the airport? I said I’d take you to see them if you wanted, all you had to do was ask,” Jared’s chest constricted painfully. Jensen wanted to leave him.

 

“Well, I checked. It’d take at least two days to get there from here, and that’s if we didn’t sleep,” Jensen shrugged, moving with his back to Jared, like he was afraid to look him in the face. “I didn’t want to put you out.”

 

“Put me out? Don’t be – of course it wouldn’t be putting me out. Jensen, you don’t have to fly there, I’ll take you, no problem. I promised didn’t I?” Jared went closer to Jensen and put his hand gently on his arm, urging him to face him.

 

“You don’t have to,” Jensen said quietly, still not turning.

 

“Jensen, look at me?” Jared requested. Hesitantly Jensen turned to finally face him. He looked tired, eyes rimmed red. Jared ran his palm down Jensen’s arm and smiled at him. “I’ll take you. I want to.”

 

Jensen gazed up into his eyes and suddenly he seemed so young and fragile, Jared just wanted to hold him close.

 

“Thank you,” he said softly. “I called Chris last night, told him I’d be heading there soon.” 

 

_Last night? He decided to go last night?_ So it wouldn’t have mattered if Jared had said anything or not, Jensen’s mind was already made up. Jared was surprised Jensen had found the time to phone Chris; surely Dave kept him plenty busy, but he shook those thoughts away, it was in the past now.

 

“You look tired,” Jared said. He couldn’t help his hand going up to Jensen’s face as his thumb traced a line under Jensen’s bloodshot eyes.

 

“Yeah? Well you look like crap, dude,” Jensen smirked, a lopsided grin filling his lips and Jared felt some of the tension in his shoulders loosen.

 

“Didn’t get much sleep,” he shrugged. His smile fell from his face when he felt Jensen stiffen.

 

“You have fun with Charlie?” Jensen asked as he pulled away, turning towards the bathroom, coming out a moment later with his toiletries and stuffing them in his suitcase.

 

“She’s a nice lady,” Jared answered fondly, then he suddenly realised Jensen thought he’d slept with her. He knew he should set Jensen straight, but who the Hell was he to question whether or not Jared was with Charlie, when he was off doing God knows what with Dave? Plus, Jared was a glutton for punishment and couldn’t have stopped his words from spurting from his mouth if he’d tried.

 

“So, Dave kept you pretty busy all night, no wonder you’re tired.”

 

Jensen set piercing eyes on him and Jared mentally kicked himself, hadn’t he just been telling himself that it was all in the past?

 

Jensen opened his mouth and Jared wished he could shut his ears off to whatever piece of information he was about to reveal about him and Dave, luckily he didn’t have to; Jensen just shut his mouth again, grabbed his things and went to the door.

 

“I’ll be at the car,” Jensen said heatedly over his shoulder, then left the room, the door slamming behind him.

 

“Damn it,” Jared hissed. “Nice one Jared, what a way to win him over.”

 

Cursing himself, Jared quickly got his stuff together and returned the room keys. Finally he was approaching the Impala. He stopped a little way off and just watched Jensen. He had his back turned and was running a hand lovingly over the black paintwork, his lips were moving and Jared swore that if he were closer he would hear him talking to the car. Jared smiled, shifted the weight of the keys in his hand and nodded to himself.

 

“Hey,” Jared called and started walking again. When Jensen turned he tossed the keys at him. “Think fast.”

 

Jensen skilfully caught the keys; he stared at them for a moment, confused, before staring at Jared with the same confusion.

 

“What?” Jared asked. “You can drive can’t ya?”

 

Jensen’s face lit up, his wide eyes went from Jared to the keys, to the Impala and all the way back again. Jared felt warm inside that he was the one to make Jensen smile like that; he wished he would do it all the time.

 

“You’re seriously going to let me drive your car?” Jensen asked; something akin to wonder in his voice.

 

“What?” Jared faked innocence. “I’ve been driving your ass up and down this country for a week; it’s about time you pulled your weight.”

 

“Sure, and it has nothing to do with the fact the you drank so much tequila last night you’re probably still illegal to drive and you just want to go to sleep in the passenger seat?” Jensen nodded his head in understanding, his face trying really hard not to grin.

 

Jared cocked his head to one side and thought for a moment. “No, nothing to do with that at all,” he said with a wink. “She’s a beautiful girl. She should be enjoyed by people who really appreciate her.”

 

Jensen eyed the Impala again, appreciatively, his eyes ablaze with desire.

 

“Look, if you don’t want to drive just gimme my keys back and I’ll –” Jared held his hand out and Jensen quickly pulled the keys against his body protectively.

 

“No, no. I’ll drive,” he said quickly.

 

“Good,” Jared grinned widely. “Then let’s go.”

 

“Don’t you want breakfast?” Jensen asked, obviously confused because Jared _always_ ate breakfast, and lots of it.

 

Jared held his hand to his stomach and groaned. “God no,” was all he said, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep anything down. “But if you want something we could –”

 

“Nah, I’m good.” Jensen shook his head and eyed the car hungrily, eager to get behind the wheel.

 

***

 

After they’d stored their things in the trunk, Jared watched as Jensen started the engine, pulled out of the motel parking lot and headed towards the highway. His strong hands gripped the steering wheel with a gentle firmness, occasionally caressing it with a sweep of his palm or a touch of his fingers. His eyes were fixed on the road, taking everything in, squinting slightly sometimes when the sun appeared from behind the trees lining the road and kissed his cheeks. The light made the green in his eyes shine and Jared swallowed hard, breathing away the urge to touch. Jared let his eyes skim down the length of Jensen’s body, the way he pressed back against the leather of the seat, the way the muscles in his leg moved visibly through his jeans as he worked the gas. Jared smiled, it was a beautiful sight, he felt like he could watch Jensen forever and revel in the tingling passing through his body and into his groin.

 

“What?” Jensen spoke suddenly, making Jared jump a little. When he looked up Jensen was darting him looks, an amused smile on his face.

 

“Just – you look good behind the wheel. I should let you drive more often,” Jared told him honestly.

 

“I wouldn’t object to that, she’s a dream to drive,” Jensen commented openly.

 

“Don’t I know it,” Jared said proudly. “Someday, I’m gonna learn how to do her up myself; I’d love to be the one to keep her running.”

 

Jared ran a hand over the dashboard lovingly, thoughts of getting greasy, lying under the Impala, keeping her in perfect order causing a light feeling in his chest.

 

“Oh man, I could totally teach you,” Jensen grinned and Jared looked at him in what must have been similar to shock.

 

“You? You know about cars?” Jared asked disbelievingly.

 

“Jared, I know _everything_ about cars,” Jensen said, then a darkness fell over his eyes making Jared frown. “Before I got involved with Tom and his stupid business I was a mechanic, I was saving up for my own business. But then Tom needed someone who knew how to run a business before he lost everything, so I stepped in to help out. He would’ve lost that company if it weren’t for me.” Jensen’s words were bitter and Jared didn’t blame him, Tom had well and truly fucked him over.

 

“What _is_ Tom’s company?” Jared had wanted to ask before but it never felt like the right time, and they hadn’t been talking about their past.

 

“It’s a travel agency.”

 

Jared couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing. Jensen glared at him, not seeing what was so funny.

 

“Dude, what the Hell?” Jensen blurted, annoyance coating his voice.

 

“I’m sorry, shit, I’m sorry,” Jared said, trying to stifle his laughter and failing miserably. “It’s just, you worked for a travel agency and you’ve never travelled before? I mean, didn’t you have to travel to see all those clients you made?”

 

Jensen’s lips twitched and Jared was afraid he may have gone too far, laughing at him like that.

 

“Wonders of the internet, man. Did everything over cyberspace. And those that did want to meet in person insisted that they try out our business personally and had us arrange and pay for them to travel to us,” Jensen explained. “Cheap bastards were just after a free holiday if you ask me.”

 

“Dude, that sucks!” Jared told him.

 

“Tell me about it,” Jensen agreed. “And I never got enough time off to reap the rewards myself.”

 

“So, what now? You gonna fall back on your original plan? Start up your own garage?” Jared asked. “That would be so cool.”

 

Jensen fell silent for a moment, his lips dropping and all happiness falling from his face as he shifted in his seat. “Can’t,” he said, his hands grasping the steering wheel tighter. “I had to use most of my savings to live on when I started working for Tom; the business was so bad he couldn’t afford to pay me at first.”

 

“Oh, I so want to punch him again,” Jared growled.

 

“Get in line. Chris has first dibs on that one for when he gets back home,” Jensen grinned again, making his whole face light up and Jared’s breath catch. “He wants to shake your hand, by the way.”

 

“Who? Chris?” Jared asked, confused.

 

“Yep. When I told him you knocked Tom on his ass he was a little pissed that he wasn’t there to do it himself, but said he wanted to shake your hand for doing it for him,” Jensen chuckled.

 

“Well, it was a pleasure I’m more than happy to repeat,” Jared said seriously. “I’m looking forward to meeting your friends, although I have to admit, I’m a little nervous about it.”

 

“Nervous? Why?” Jensen smirked, amused.

 

“I dunno,” Jared shrugged. “It kinda feels like meeting the parents. What if they don’t like me?”

 

“Well, I’m sure they'll take you aside and give you the obligatory ‘don’t you hurt him’ speech, threaten to kick the shit out of you if you break my heart, but other than that? You’ll be fine,” Jensen grinned over at him, eyes twinkling with mischief.

 

Jared stared at him, shocked not by the threat to kick his ass but by the reason behind it. “Jensen,” Jared said seriously, but his voice shook with nerves. “I have no intention of breaking your heart.”

 

Their eyes met for a moment before Jensen turned his attention back to the road. A fire burned in Jared’s stomach and he knew he meant every word; he just had to find a way to prove it to Jensen.

 

“Listen, why don’t you get some sleep?” Jensen suggested after a moment of stunned silence. “I’m not gonna be able to drive forever and if your eyes get any more bloodshot you’re not gonna be able to see out of them to drive later.”

 

Jared was a little disappointed that his admission had gone ignored but Jensen was right, he desperately needed some sleep. “Yeah, okay,” he said quietly. “Wake me up when you need a break, yeah?”

 

“Sure,” Jensen nodded. “Sweet dreams.”

 

Jared settled into as comfortable a position as he could find and closed his eyes, sleep taking him faster than he thought it would.

 

***

 

Jared woke when the Impala door closed a little too loudly. He sat up sharply and quickly tried to get his bearings. The sun was low in the sky and Jared knew it would be getting dark soon.

 

“Hey sleeping beauty. Figured you might be hungry by now,” Jensen said right before dumping a bag on Jared’s lap.

 

Jared blinked, trying to recognise the object through his drowsiness. Then the smells emanating from it hit his nose and his stomach growled in eager response.

 

“Guess I was right,” Jensen grinned and opened a bag of his own.

 

Jared made a few grunting sounds and dug into the food enthusiastically. Pretty soon they were sitting back with full stomachs, completely satisfied.

 

“Now that’s the way to wake up in the morning, or afternoon,” Jared spoke for the first time, not including his moans of satisfaction at the food while Jensen had watched in amusement.

 

“Yeah well, you’re grumpy when you’re hungry and I need you to take over driving, I’m beat.” Jensen yawned for emphasis, stretching as much as he could in the confined space. Jared watched, swallowing roughly at Jensen’s taught muscles and flat stomach.

 

“Yeah well, you keep feeding me like that you’ll never get rid of me,” Jared told him, and yeah okay, so he knew he was starting to lay it on thick but he was tired of being discreet, he wanted Jensen to know how he felt and find out if he felt the same.

 

“Listen, I’m gonna give Chris a call, get an update on how Steve’s doing, then we can hit the road again,” Jensen said, pulling out his cell, again ignoring Jared’s comments and changing the subject.

 

“Yeah okay,” Jared said dejectedly. “I’m gonna use the rest room, freshen up a bit. I’ll grab some coffees on the way back.”

 

“Not for me, I’m planning on getting some sleep.” Jensen climbed out of the car, hitting his speed dial and pressing the phone to his ear.

 

Jared simply nodded and headed into the diner. It wasn’t just him, was it? Things were still weird between them after the whole Dave/Charlie thing. Jared really was trying to move on from that, yeah okay, so he was jealous, but the reality of it was that he held no claim over Jensen and Jensen had no loyalty to him. They were both free agents and could do and be with whoever they pleased. _So, why did it hurt so much?_

 

Jared abandoned the idea of a coffee – he was only getting one for Jensen anyway – in favour of bottled water; he got one for Jensen too and headed back to the car. It was getting chilly as the sun set so Jared pulled on his jacket before slipping behind the wheel. Jensen was already in the passenger side and Jared couldn’t help the huge smile that spread over his face when he saw that Jensen was snuggled up in the same hoodie that Jared had lent him that first night. He looked so adorable in the thick over sized material, tucking his head down into it so his nose was only just showing. His eyes were closed but Jared could tell he was still awake.

 

“How’s Steve’s dad?” he asked as he started the engine.

 

“It’s cancer,” Jensen replied; his voice muffled under the hoodie. “It’s in his brain, they don’t know if it’s operable yet.”

 

“Jesus, I’m sorry,” Jared cringed at his lameness; surely he could’ve thought of something better to say than that. “Are you close to his dad?”

 

“You could say that,” Jensen said quietly. “I told Chris I’d be there as soon as I could.”

 

Jared nodded and stepped on the gas. “Don’t worry, Jen. I’ll get you there.”

 

“Thank you.” Jared could have sworn he heard Jensen’s voice crack but chose not to bring it up, he just hoped what ever it was Jensen would tell him when he was ready.

 

Jared left Jensen to sleep after that, it didn’t appear like he felt like talking anyway and Jared honestly didn’t know what to say.

 

***

 

He drove all through the night, stopping once to fill up the tank and stock up on snacks and sandwiches, Jensen didn’t stir once, he must’ve been exhausted.

 

Eventually the sky started to brighten and Jared was starting to lag. He pulled the car over at an outlook, the view was amazing. He looked out over tree tops and could just make out the sun appearing over them. It was beautiful.

 

“Jensen,” Jared hissed, nudging Jensen in the arm. “Hey, Jensen. Wake up, you’ve gotta see this.” And yeah okay, so he was a big girl, so what?

 

Jensen grumbled for a moment, his head slowly appearing from inside the hoodie. He blinked blearily at Jared, then realised they’d stopped and rubbed his eyes.

 

“Is it my turn to drive?” he asked; his voice deep and rough with sleep, shooting shivers down Jared’s spine.

 

“You slept the night away,” Jared nodded, smiling at sleepy Jensen.

 

“Right, sorry. You must be tired; you should’ve woken me earlier.” Jensen climbed out of the car and stumbled his way to Jared’s side. Jared got out too, stopping Jensen before he could climb in.

 

“Hey, just take a moment to wake up, alright?” he said, stopping Jensen’s movements by getting his body in the way.

 

“I’m okay, I’m awake,” Jensen protested, stifling a yawn.

 

“Bullshit,” Jared snapped. Jensen stopped trying to get past him and looking at him in shock. Jared took a breath and calmed himself down, he hadn’t meant to snap but Jensen wouldn’t listen to him. “Jensen, it is okay to take five minutes you know. We’ll still get there –”

 

“But I should already be there,” Jensen said desperately.

 

“What do you mean?” Jared took in the wild look in Jensen’s eyes with concern.

 

“God, I’m such a selfish bastard. Here I’ve been, gallivanting about the country with you when my best friend’s dad could be dying. I should’ve gone there straight away no matter what Chris said.”

 

“And what did Chris say?” Jared asked gently.

 

Jensen sighed. “He said that I should sort my own head out first, that there was nothing I could do anyway and he’d let me know when they knew more.” Jensen deflated slightly.

 

“Sounds like good advice,” Jared said.

 

“But that’s not the point, I _shouldn’t_ have listened to him, I should have gone there. After everything they’ve done for me, I should be there.”

 

Jensen’s eyes went wide again, filling with moisture, he looked so desperate and lost. Jared was moving before he knew it, pulling Jensen into his arms and holding his head against his chest.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he tried to reassure Jensen. “We’re nearly there.”

 

Jensen buried his face in Jared’s chest and he could feel his shirt soaking up his tears.

 

“I didn’t know – I didn’t know he was so bad, I should’ve known. He’s like the father I should’ve had, Steve’s like a brother,” Jensen said quietly through his sobs. “They took me in when I ran away from home after my mom found out I was gay. My family couldn’t stand the sight of me, so I made a new family, with the Carlson’s. I was only with them for a couple of years, until I was able to get a place of my own, then they moved back to California, but they were the best years of my life. I had somewhere I belonged, somewhere I was loved, and how do I repay them? Thinking only of myself and my problems, couldn’t even be bothered to go there and visit. And now he might die.”

 

“It’s not your fault. I bet they were happy you were living your life.” Jared held him closer, running a hand through Jensen’s hair comfortingly.

 

“And what a life I’ve made for myself, what have I got to show for it?” Jensen scoffed. “I’m such a pushover, Steve always joked I was, but he was right. I just give people what ever they want, just like with Tom.”

 

“That wasn’t your fault either. You loved him. You’re a nice person and you shouldn’t punish yourself for that.” Jared pulled back slightly and Jensen looked up at him, the green of his eyes swimming in his tears. “You’re a good person, Jen, with an honest heart.”

 

Jared wiped Jensen’s tears away with a finger and gazed into his sorrowful eyes.

 

“I think you’re beautiful, don’t ever change,” Jared whispered.

 

Before he knew what he was doing, Jared was holding Jensen’s face in his large palm and leaning his head down to him. He stopped before their lips touched, looking into Jensen’s eyes in a silent question. Jensen’s pupils dilated slightly and his answer was clear as he grabbed the back of Jared’s head and crashed their mouths together.

 

The kiss was desperate, needy. Their teeth clashed as Jensen tried to get even closer, even further into Jared’s mouth. He clung to Jared, one arm wrapping around his waist, pulling him closer, their bodies lining up perfectly. His other hand stayed in Jared’s hair, holding his face to his.

 

Jared let Jensen take what he needed; he held nothing back from the broken man, even though air was becoming a serious issue. His head began to spin as his heart pounded in his ears but he didn’t stop caressing Jensen’s tongue with his own.

 

Jensen let out a soft moan and the sound sent something primal through Jared. He gripped Jensen’s arms and turned him so he could press him firmly against the car door.

 

Jensen ripped his mouth away as a cry escaped his lips. It wasn’t a cry of pleasure, if anything it was one of pain. Panting Jared looked at him, confusion and concern plain on his face.

 

“Did I hurt you?” Jared questioned urgently. _God, I hope I didn’t hurt him._

 

Jensen grimaced but shook his head. “No, it wasn’t you.” He looked away self-consciously and Jared’s forehead creased in a deep frown.

 

“Show me?” he requested softly, looking to where Jensen’s hand rested protectively on his back. When Jensen opened his mouth to protest Jared just levelled him in a stare. “Please?”

 

Meekly Jensen nodded and he slowly turned so Jared could pull up his hoodie. Jared gasped as Jensen’s back revealed a deep purple and green bruise spreading down one side. Jared lifted it higher and saw that the bruise went all the way up to Jensen’s shoulder blade.

 

“What – when?” Jared started, his jaw tightened and rage flashed in his eyes. “Who?” he demanded.

 

Jensen looked away, his face half in shadow and half lit by the sunrise, his eyes red and puffy, his lips kiss swollen – he was still beautiful – and someone had hurt him.

 

“Jensen, did Dave do this to you?” The realisation hit Jared like a punch.

 

“He didn’t like being told no,” Jensen confessed weakly and Jared felt sick.

 

“That _fucking bastard_!” Jared blurted and Jensen flinched slightly. “What did he do? Jesus Jensen, did he – did he force –?” The question hung in the air, Jared couldn’t find it in himself to ask if Jensen had been raped. Oh God, when Jensen had come back to the room that night, they weren’t sounds of Jensen getting himself off in the shower, he’d been crying. _Damn it, I’m so stupid!_

 

“No,” Jensen said quickly, shaking his head vigorously. “No, he didn’t force me. He tried, but I fought back.” A small smile appeared on Jensen’s face and Jared wondered how he could smile at something like this. “I broke his nose, he kinda left me alone after that, left me to walk back to the motel though, that’s why I was so late.”

 

Jensen turned Jared’s head till he was looking directly into his eyes.

 

“I didn’t sleep with him, Jared,” Jensen said firmly. “I couldn’t go through with it.”

 

Jared felt disgusted with himself that he felt relief at that, that Jensen hadn’t given himself to Dave, that all of Jared’s thoughts and assumptions had been wrong. Jensen had been hurt saying no to Dave, and Jared was the reason he’d been there in the first place. So many emotions bombarded Jared he didn’t know what to do with them all, relief, anger, hate, concern, lust, sorrow – love?

 

“I’m sorry, God Jen, I’m so sorry,” Jared started babbling. “Charlie said you didn’t want to go with him, I should’ve stopped you, should’ve gone after you when I had the chance. I should’ve told you how I felt instead of trying to make you jealous. That bastard, I saw the way he was looking at you and it drove me crazy, but I honestly thought you wanted him, thought I should get out of your way.”

 

“Jared, Jared stop it, it’s okay,” Jensen tried to stop Jared’s tirade but to no avail, Jared was on a roll.

 

“I didn’t sleep with her, Jen. I swear I didn’t. I didn’t even take her back with me,” Jared insisted. “She gave me a lecture about you, called me a stubborn son of a bitch. I left her in the bar, honestly.”

 

“ _Jared_ ,” Jensen all but shouted and Jared stopped, a stunned look plastered on his face. “It’s okay, really. Just stop before you hurt yourself.”

 

Jensen was smiling, his eyes crinkled in amusement. Jared shut his mouth and took a breath, before he had the mind to look bashful at his outburst.

 

“Sorry,” Jared mumbled, trying not to meet Jensen’s gaze.

 

“You really didn’t sleep with her?” Jensen asked quietly.

 

“I really didn’t,” Jared said honestly.

 

Jensen smiled. “Okay,” he nodded.

 

“Are you?” Jared asked. When Jensen looked at him in confusion he reiterated. “Okay? Are you okay?”

 

Jared pulled Jensen close to him carefully and Jensen leaned into him, seemingly desperate for his warmth.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. It’ll heal and it was worth it to see his face all shocked and bloody,” Jensen smirked happily.

 

“And you say you’re a push over!” Jared teased. “You should’ve taken a picture for me; I would’ve loved to see that. Oh and just for the record, if we didn’t have somewhere to be I would totally be turning this car around to add to that broken nose!”

 

Jared traced Jensen’s face with is hand, trying to memorise what it felt like. He already had the sight of it burned into his brain, but the touch was something else entirely.

 

Jensen leaned in, Jared met him half way and they tenderly touched mouths, brushing the soft skin of their lips together, gently caressing. It was over too quickly but Jared didn’t push for more, he simply leaned his forehead on Jensen’s and let out a contented sigh.

 

Jensen smiled at him, his eyes open and trusting and Jared hoped they never looked any different.

 

“I’ve got some good news for you,” Jared grinned.

 

“Really? Good ‘cause I could really do with some.”

 

“Yeah, for a travel agent your geography sucks.”

 

“Erm, Jared. How is that good news?” Jensen looked mildly put out.

 

“Because, we’re closer to California than you thought we would be,” Jared beamed; his heart lifting as Jensen’s face lit up. “We should be there by this afternoon.”

 

“You’re joking; please tell me you’re not joking?” Jensen begged, bouncing slightly in Jared’s arms.

 

“I’m not joking.”

 

Suddenly Jared was being practically mauled. He laughed as Jensen almost shrieked.

 

“So how about we get you to your family?”


	5. Chapter 5

** Chapter Five **

 

Jared glared at the map in his hands like it was the enemy; sure they’d taken a wrong turn somewhere. Jensen had woken him when they’d reached California and they were now trying to navigate their way to the address Chris had given them.

 

“There, there it is,” Jared suddenly blurted, pointing. “Jen, you missed it.”

 

Jensen cursed and swung a U-turn, initiating angry honks from other drivers.

 

“Fuckin’ Hell, careful. You maybe a mechanic but I’d still like my car in one piece,” Jared cursed staring at Jensen with wide, alarmed eyes.

 

“I had it under control,” Jensen chuckled as he turned into the right road and in less than a minute stopped in front of a large house. “Okay, we’re here.”

 

Jensen sounded nervous, so Jared reached over and gave his hand a firm squeeze. Jensen smiled gratefully at him and took a deep breath.

 

“You want me to come with you?” Jared asked softly.

 

Jensen simply nodded and they climbed out of the car.

 

They were barely at the front door when it swung open, a man with long hair and an honest-to-God cowboy hat dragged Jensen into his arms.

 

“Jen, you made it,” the guy said in a husky southern voice, squeezing Jensen in a way that must’ve cut off his circulation. Jared noticed Jensen wince slightly, obviously due to the pressure on the bruise Dave gave him, but he held it back well enough that Chris didn't appear to notice.

 

“Chris, man, it’s good to see you.” Jensen returned the embrace with just as much vigour and buried his face in Chris’s neck.

 

Without breaking his hold, Chris continued to speak. “How are ya, man? Seriously, you okay?”

 

Jensen pushed Chris away and nodded.

 

“Yeah, I’m good. I mean, I’ve got nowhere to live and nothing but the clothes in my case, but I’m surprisingly good.” Jensen threw a look over his shoulder at Jared and Jared felt himself blush.

 

“Come on, Jen, you’ll never be homeless and you know it. You can stay with me and Steve for as long as you like,” Chris said seriously.

 

At the mention of Steve, Jensen’s smile faded.

 

“How it he?” Jensen asked. Chris looked at the ground and nodded thoughtfully.

 

“He’s – he’s coping. Well, as well as he can be. They’re taking his dad into surgery first thing tomorrow morning,” Chris informed him. “We told him you were coming; he’s looking forward to seeing you.”

 

Jensen nodded mutely and the two friends fell into silence.

 

Jared fidgeted uncomfortably, not knowing what he should be doing. He didn’t know these people, this wasn’t his pain.

 

Jensen noticed his movements and it seemed to jerk him out of his daze. He motioned for him to come over.

 

“Chris, this is Jared Padalecki. Jared, this is Chris Kane,” Jensen introduced.

 

“Ah, the knight in shining armour,” Chris reached out and shook Jared’s hand firmly. “You’ll forgive me if I don’t try to pronounce your last name.”

 

Jensen smirked and Jared chuckled.

 

“You should see me try to pronounce it after a few to many,” Jared told him with a grin. “It’s not a pretty sight.”

 

“Oh come now, I bet you’re always pretty, right Jen?” Chris gave him a wink and Jared knew he was blushing again. _Yep, now officially a girl._

 

Jensen laughed openly and Jared could tell how much more relaxed he was automatically now he was around something familiar.

 

“Hey, Chris, my boy here yet?” the shout came from inside, immediately before a long haired blonde guy appeared behind Chris.

 

“Yeah, he and his saviour finally graced us with their presence.” Chris moved out of the way.

 

“Steve,” Jensen said, the single word filled with so much emotion as moved forward and shared a hug with the blonde. It was more intimate than the hug he’d had with Chris; Jensen pressed a firm kiss to Steve’s neck and held him close. Jared felt a bolt of heat hit him; he wanted to get between the two and keep them at a respectable distance.

 

Steve pulled back and held Jensen’s face between his hands, he stared at Jensen, his eyes filled with pain and sorrow, but as he looked at Jensen there was a spark of something else there.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Steve told him.

 

“I’m sorry, I should've gotten here sooner,” Jensen’s voice cracked slightly with his guilt.

 

“What? God no,” Steve protested. “You had major shit going on; I didn’t expect you to rush up here. Anyway, we didn’t know it was this serious until a few days ago.” Steve swallowed hard, but then shook his head slightly and pulled Jensen into the house.

 

Jared just stood there, not knowing what to do. Steve hadn’t even acknowledged his presence; he couldn’t just waltz into his house uninvited. Luckily, Chris threw an arm around his shoulder and dragged him inside.

 

 

They entered a large and beautiful kitchen, obviously well used and loved. Pans were hanging from hooks and all sorts of appliances – Jared had no idea what they were for – were dotted around the counters. As soon as he was inside, Jensen handed him a beer while popping the top off his own. Jared accepted it thankfully and took a deep tug, grateful to have something to do with his hands.

 

“So, he seriously trashed _all_ your stuff?” Steve was asking; Jensen stiffened slightly, gritting his teeth.

 

“He sure did,” Jensen bit off. Steve and Chris looked equally pissed off, Chris’s hand balling into a tight fist.

 

Jared moved closer to Jensen, brushing their shoulders gently, just to let him know he was still there, supporting him. Jared noticed Steve’s eyes follow the movement, even as Jensen smiled at Jared gratefully and leaned against his shoulder a little.

 

“I swear, when I next see that guy he’s gonna be pounded so hard, that pretty face of his won’t be getting him anymore ass, I can tell you that!” Chris snarled, his eyes dancing with fire and Jared didn’t doubt for a second that he meant every word; he made a mental note not to get on the wrong side of _him_.

 

“I hear you already stood up for my boy’s honour?” Steve turned to Jared, eyeing him up and down.

 

“He deserved it,” Jared said evenly, not enjoying the scrutiny he was getting.

 

“Knocked him flat on his ass from what Jen told me,” Chris chimed in proudly, slapping Jared on the back as though they’d been friends for forever.

 

“And then you guys ended up travelling around the country together?” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow at Jensen who fidgeted next to Jared.

 

“Steve,” Jensen said in a low voice.

 

“What?” Steve said innocently. “I was just asking. I mean, makes you curious when you take off with a complete stranger for a trip around the states.”

 

“I knew I should’ve come earlier,” Jensen mumbled.

 

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Chris said sternly. “I told you not to.”

 

Chris’s next move surprised the Hell out of Jared. He went to Steve’s side and slipped his arm around his waist before kissing him on the forehead.

 

“Come on, baby, we promised your mom we’d get to the hospital as soon as they got here, we should go.”

 

Steve nodded and leaned into Chris, his entire body deflating as he rested his head on the other man’s shoulder.

 

Jared just gaped at them. _Chris and Steve are an item? Okay, now I’m really confused._

 

Chris gave Jared a grin as he guided Steve out of the kitchen. As soon as they were out of sight Jared turned to Jensen.

 

“They’re a couple?” he asked, really wanting clarification that he wasn’t going crazy.

 

“Five years now,” Jensen nodded, smiling fondly. “They started playing in a band together and then all of a sudden they’re inseparable. Took everyone by surprise ‘cause all they did was argue all the time, about the music, other bands, lyrics, everything. The guys just couldn’t agree on shit.”

 

“So,” Jared swallowed nervously, scratching the back of his head. “Did you and Steve –”

 

“Hey, Big Jay. Can we take that beast of a car of yours to the hospital?” Chris boomed as he barrelled back into the room. “Steve’s mom has his car and it’ll save us a cab fare.”

 

“Uh – yeah sure,” Jared answered, tearing his gaze away from Jensen’s questioning one. “I can drive you all there, no problem.”

 

“Excellent. Jen, ready to go?”

 

“Yeah, coming,” Jensen said a little shakily; obviously nervous about seeing Steve’s dad again, after all this time.

 

***

 

When Jensen came out of the hospital room he looked pale and tired. Jared wanted to go to him but Steve came out straight after and they hugged each other sadly, so Jared hung back and let them have their moment.

 

“They’re like brothers, you know?” Chris appeared beside him, watching grimly as Jensen and Steve talked quietly.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Jared said. “Jensen told me that Steve and his family took him in when he was young, were like family to him.”

 

“He told you about that, huh?” Chris appeared surprised. “He must really like you, to trust you like that. Jen doesn’t tell people about his past easily.”

 

“I don’t think he had much choice to be honest. Tom, the prick, told me Jensen’s family didn’t love him, thought it would make me think less of Jensen or something. I don’t know how his twisted mind works.” Jared smiled grimly at Chris’s angry expression.

 

“Oh, that man is dead so many times over,” Chris growled.

 

“I’m with ya there,” Jared agreed.

 

Chris regarded Jared for a moment, until Jared started to feel uncomfortable under his stare.

 

“What?” he asked.

 

“You really like him don’t you?” It was more of a statement than a question.

 

Jared looked to where Jensen and Steve were still talking and couldn’t help the leap in his heart when Jensen met his gaze and gave him a small smile.

 

“Yeah, I do,” Jared smiled.

 

“He said you were straight,” Chris said matter of factually.

 

Jared laughed at that. “Yeah, I was,” he grinned at Chris.

 

“But you’re not now?” Chris raised an eyebrow as Jared turned his attention back to Jensen.

 

“I guess Jensen just has that effect on people,” he said simply.

 

“So, are you and him actually –?” Chris left the question open, waving a hand around as if that would finish his sentence for him.

 

“Oh – um – well we – uh.” Jared stammered. “I have no idea.” Jared frowned. It was true, he didn’t know how he and Jensen stood with each other; they hadn’t discussed it. Sure, they’d kissed a couple of times but the second time; Jensen had been upset; it was possible he just needed comforting. But he’d seemed so relieved to know Jared hadn’t slept with Charlie, so that had to mean something, right?

 

“Have you fucked yet?” Chris asked innocently. Jared chocked on the breath he was taking and turned wide shocked eyes on Chris, who chuckled at him. “’Cause that would be a sure fire way to know. Jen doesn’t sleep around with just anybody.”

 

Jared’s thoughts drifted back to Dave and he felt guilty all over again, Jensen really hadn’t wanted to be with that guy.

 

“Um, no, we haven’t,” Jared mumbled shyly, staring at his feet. He couldn’t really believe he was telling Chris that, he didn’t even know the guy.

 

“Haven’t what?”

 

Jared snapped his head up, getting a face full of Jensen smiling up at him. His eyes red rimmed and his skin paler than it should’ve been. His smile wasn’t as bright as it usually was but it was sincere.

 

“Nothin’,” Jared said quickly, before Chris could embarrass him further.

 

“Can we get out of here?” Steve asked tiredly. He walked straight past Jensen and Jared and directly into Chris’s waiting arms. He hid his face in Chris’s chest and took a deep breath, letting it sigh out.

 

“Yeah baby,” Chris answered, kissing his head and holding him tightly. “Let’s get you home.”

 

Chris’s attention was focused fully on Steve and Jared couldn’t help but like the guy. He was obviously a very loyal friend and a loving partner. Jensen and Steve were lucky to have him. Jared felt a stab of envy; he didn’t have any close friends like that anymore, not after Sandy had gotten her claws in them. He thought about calling up Chad, seeing how he was doing. Chad was one of the first to sleep with Sandy behind his back, he had come to him devastated; claiming that he’d been drunk and she had seduced him. But Jared knew what a womanizer Chad could be and hadn’t wanted to believe something so shameful about his new, sweet, innocent girlfriend. So he’d been stupid and chosen her over him, shunning his friend of years in favour of the petite brunette. Fucking fool.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Jensen asked softly, bringing Jared back to reality.

 

“Yeah, sorry,” Jared shook himself mentally. “Just got lost in my own world for a second. Are you okay? You look tired.”

 

“He’s just really weak, you know? He used to be so strong and larger than life, but now it’s like he’s not the same man,” Jensen sighed, his eyes haunted.

 

“C'mere.” Jared held out his arm and Jensen all but collapsed into him, wrapping his own arms around Jared’s waist and balling his fists in Jared's shirt.

 

“I’m so scared that that was the last time I’m ever gonna see him,” Jensen said, his voice trembling along with his body. Jared didn’t know what to say so he just held him tighter. Jensen raised tear filled eyes to meet Jared’s. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” Jared told him honestly. He dipped his head and gave Jensen a chaste kiss on his lips. Jensen closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, wanting more, but Jared pulled away and smiled down at him, taking his hand. “Come on, they’re probably waiting for us.”

 

When they got to the Impala they found Chris leaning back against the door with Steve still in his arms, Steve’s eyes were closed, his head resting gently against Chris’s shoulder as Chris carded his fingers through his long hair.

 

Chris noted their linked hands and smiled. Jared released Jensen and fished out his keys.

 

“Ready to go?” he asked.

 

“We’ve been waiting for you,” Chris said, tapping Steve on the shoulder, bringing him round as though he’d been dosing. “What were you doing? Necking in the supply cupboard?”

 

Chris cackled evilly as both Jensen and Jared blushed. Steve gave Jared an indecipherable look before climbing into the car behind Chris. Jared looked questioningly to Jensen who just shook his head and rolled his eyes, obviously used to his friend’s behaviours.

 

***

 

Jared helped Chris make dinner for the family, while Steve’s mom questioned Jensen about what he’d been up to, promising him that he would always have a home with her if he needed it.

 

Chris was good in the kitchen and he and Jared made a good team, working together to prepare a decent meal of steaks, salad and potatoes. It was simple but it worked.

 

They all ate together at a large table, the seat at one end left ominously empty and Jared could see Steve and his mom’s gaze drift to it occasionally, it must’ve been Steve’s dad’s chair.

 

They talked about everything that wasn’t important, ignoring any and all serious conversation. They didn’t bring up the fact that the operation was in the morning; that even if he survived it, the operation may not even be successful.

 

When dinner was done it was already getting late. Jared insisted on helping Jensen with the dishes, even though he’d cooked, and smiled kindly at the look of gratitude on Mrs. Carlson’s face.

 

“I didn’t know you could cook,” Jensen said and pressed into Jared’s back, slipping his hands around his waist. Jared leaned back into him, glad for the contact, and tried to put aside the little uncertainty he felt. Over what he wasn’t sure, he wanted this with Jensen, of that he was certain, so why did he still feel apprehensive? Maybe it was just being in a strange place with strange people, or maybe he was still getting used to being intimate with another man.

 

“I’m just full of surprises,” Jared teased, flicking Jensen over his shoulder with water and causing him to rub his face into Jared’s back to dry it.

 

“I love surprises,” Jensen said deeply in his ear and all Jared’s movement’s faltered as Jensen licked, _fucking licked_ , his earlobe. He could feel his rapidly hardening cock pressing hard against the counter, as Jensen pushed closer into his back and ran his hands over Jared’s torso. Jared was turned on so much so quickly it made his head spin.

 

He groaned and turned in Jensen’s arms, capturing his mouth and licking entrance. Neither cared that Jared’s hands were soaking wet as he held Jensen to him, they were too busy drowning in the kiss they shared. Tongues fighting for dominance as they danced over each other, breaths becoming ragged.

 

 

“Break it up you two, we’ve just eaten,” Steve’s voice carried into their private world and broke the moment to pieces.

 

Jensen closed his eyes for a second and licked Jared’s saliva from his lips, Jared followed the movement hungrily but reluctantly let Jensen go when he pulled away. Jared turned back to the dishes, keeping his head down; he didn’t want to know what sort of evil looks Steve was sending his way this time.

 

“Hey, it’s not like I haven’t been grossed out by you and Chris necking it all night before,” Jensen teased lightly but there was a hint of annoyance in his tone. Steve started to reply but was interrupted by his mom bustling into the kitchen.

 

“How are we doing in here?” she asked brightly, her false good mood still managing to hold.

 

“We’re just about done,” Jensen told her, leaning in to give her a kiss on her cheek.

 

Jared grabbed a dishcloth and wiped his hands dry. “Yep, all done. Thanks for letting me stay for dinner,” he said politely.

 

“Oh nonsense. You cooked, and it was a pleasure,” Mrs. Carlson said fondly.

 

“Well, I should get going,” Jared said and headed into the front room to fetch his jacket and keys.

 

“Going? Going where?” Jensen asked, sounding slightly desperate.

 

“It’s late and I’ve still got to find a motel or something,” Jared explained.

 

“You’ll do no such thing,” Mrs. Carlson said sternly. “You’ll stay here with us and I won’t hear another word to the contrary.”

 

“Are you sure?” Jared questioned cautiously, he didn’t want to intrude; this was a difficult time for the family. “Do you have room?”

 

“Mom, maybe Jared would be more comfortable at a motel, we don’t have any spare rooms and he’s a bit big for the sofa,” Steve suggested, glaring at Jared like an intruder. Jared agreed that he would feel more comfortable being anywhere away from those looks; he didn’t know what Steve’s problem was with him. At first he thought it was jealousy over Jensen, but now that he’d seen Steve with Chris and how in love they obviously were, he couldn’t quite figure out what he’d done to piss the guy off.

 

“Don’t be silly, Steve, honey. I wasn’t going to put him up on the sofa. Jared, you can just share with Jensen,” Mrs. Carlson said cheerfully.

 

“What?” Steve and Jared said simultaneously.

 

Jared looked to Jensen and found he was turning red but had an amused smile on his lips.

 

“Yeah, why not? You guys were practically humping each other in the kitchen a minute ago, you’d be much more comfortable in a bed,” Chris chimed in, grinning mischievously.

 

Jared paused, kissing Jensen was one thing, he was getting used to that and there was no doubt that he enjoyed it, craved it even, but sleeping in the same bed as him? That was a level of intimacy he wasn’t sure he was ready for.

 

Jensen slipped in beside him and spoke quietly, “It’s okay, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

 

Jared looked down into Jensen’s eyes, at the vulnerability floating around in there, Jensen looked sad and lost, and the last thing Jared wanted to do was leave him alone. He put an arm round Jensen’s waist and pulled him closer.

 

“No, it’s fine. I’ll stay if you want me to,” he smiled reassuringly, putting his own fears aside for the moment, Jensen was more important for the time being. Jensen nodded, smiling in relief and Jared knew then that he’d made the right decision.

 

“Well, that’s great,” Steve grumbled. “I’m going to bed.” Steve stalked from the room, dragging Chris along with him who shot apologetic looks over his shoulder.

 

Mrs. Carlson smiled motherly, “Your room’s all set up boys; it’s just at the end of the hall. Sleep tight.” With that she was gone upstairs to her own room.

 

“I’ll go get our bags,” Jared said and quickly went out to the car. When he came back, he took the bags to their room where Jensen was already undressing, his shirt draped over the back of a chair. Jared stood nervously staring around the room, trying not to watch Jensen stripping. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen the guy in his boxers before but this was different. There was a good sized bed; the room was neutrally decorated with no clutter or pictures, most likely the guest room.

 

“You okay?” Jensen was in front of him, looking up in concern.

 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” Jared said trying to sound certain. “It’s just, it’s new, you know? All this.” He indicated between him and Jensen and Jensen smiled understandingly.

 

“It’s just sleeping, Jay, it’s not sex,” Jensen smirked and Jared’s face burnt as he flushed. “Now come on, get into bed.”

 

While Jensen pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed, Jared quickly stripped, leaving his boxers and T-shirt on, he turned off the light and slipped between the sheets in the dark. The bed was cold and Jared could feel Jensen shivering next to him.

 

“Jensen?” he asked tentatively. Jensen hummed to indicate he was listening. “I – uh – what –” Jared stuttered, not really sure what to say. He wanted to ask what there was between them, what it meant but the words wouldn’t come.

 

“What is it?” Jensen asked quietly, shifting closer and Jared could just make out his soft features in the dim light.

 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” Jared chickened out; he was a little scared of the answer he might get. He raised his hand and lightly brushed Jensen’s cheek, causing Jensen to close his eyes and lean into the touch. “It’s been a long day, we should get some sleep.”

 

“You sure there’s nothing you wanted to talk about?” Jensen turned his head to kiss the palm of Jared’s hand; Jared watched his lips pucker before gently pressing into his skin and knew that something so simple shouldn’t turn him on as much as it did.

 

“I’m sure,” Jared’s voice was a little breathless. “Night Jensen.”

 

Using the hand on Jensen’s face he pulled Jensen closer and kissed his lips gently, the movement made his heart stutter but he pulled away and rolled onto his side so his back was to Jensen.

 

“Night Jared,” Jensen replied and shifted around on his side of the bed. Jared could feel Jensen’s heat radiating through the bed even though they weren’t touching, he craved to cuddle closer to it, but he kept still. This was going to be a long night.

 

***

 

When Jared woke it was still dark outside. He took a few moments to remember where he was before he checked to see if he’d woken Jensen. He was surprised to see Jensen sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to Jared. In the dim light Jared could still make out the bruise Dave had inflicted and a flash of anger went through him.

 

“Jensen?” Jared said sleepily. When Jensen didn’t reply he sat up and skimmed across the bed to sit behind him. “What’s wrong?”

 

Jared put his hand on Jensen’s shoulder and Jensen turned to look at him, his eyes filled with sadness and worry.

 

“Just couldn’t sleep, too much going on in my head,” Jensen shrugged. His breath stuttered and Jared’s heart broke for him.

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jared told him and drew him into his arms. Jensen curled into Jared’s warmth, moving so he was sitting beside him with his legs draped over Jared’s, his body cocooned in Jared’s arms and his head resting against Jared’s chest. “I’ve got ya, it’s okay.” Jared rocked Jensen slowly, until eventually Jensen’s breathing evened out.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen murmured so quietly Jared had to strain to hear him.

 

“For what?”

 

Jensen looked up at him, the apology clear in his eyes, even in the dark. “For dumping all this on you, I know you’ve got your own problems and I –”

 

“Hey, hey, shhh,” Jared hushed him. “I’m here because I want to be, it’s my choice, and I’ll be here for as long as you need me, okay?”

 

“I do need you – more than – I do need you,” Jensen murmured as he moved up towards Jared, his trembling hand snaking around Jared’s neck. Jared allowed himself to be pulled down to meet Jensen’s lips.

 

Jensen kissed him desperately, like he was channelling all his grief and fear into that kiss, sucking hope and comfort from Jared like a lifeline. Jensen’s fingers tightened in Jared’s hair holding him close while his other hand fisted in Jared’s top. Jared groaned into the kiss, sweeping his tongue around Jensen’s mouth hungrily, wanting to taste everything there was to taste, find every single hidden treasure that mouth had to hide.

 

Then Jensen was leaning backwards, pulling Jared with him until they were laying on their sides, their legs tangled together and they continued to kiss deeply. The feel of a firm, muscular, semi-naked body against him was completely different to anything Jared had ever experienced, it was nothing like the soft curves of a woman, no, it was so much better. It was exhilarating; Jared yearned for more and ran his hands over the skin on Jensen’s back, tugging him nearer.

 

Jensen’s hand slipped under Jared’s T-shirt and trailed over his bare skin, the sensations that shot through Jared’s body at the touch forced him to pull his mouth away and gasp for breath. Jensen took advantage of this and kissed down Jared’s neck, nipping gently at the skin with his teeth sending shivers down Jared’s spine. He leaned over Jared’s body and gently pushed him onto his back. Jared couldn’t do much but hold on, Jensen’s touch felt amazing. He panted and tried to bite back a moan as Jensen pushed his top up his chest and moved his mouth nibble on his collar bone, he then continued to lay burning kisses over Jared’s chest, licking and nipping his way over his nipples and over his muscles.

 

Jensen shifted so he was straddling Jared and Jared gasped when he felt Jensen’s erection brush against his own, Jensen looked up at him when he heard the sound and grinned, before grinding his hips into Jared’s.

 

“Fuck,” Jared hissed, slamming his head back into the pillow. Jensen slid up Jared’s body, the bare skin on their chests rubbing together. He took Jared’s bottom lip between his teeth before sucking it gently. Jared could only pant and cling to Jensen, his fingers gripped bruisingly into his arms, his entire body was awash with sensation, his skin tingling and tight. Jensen didn’t waste any time before dipping his tongue into Jared’s mouth again as he ground his hips harder, their erections being stimulated with each movement.

 

“God Jay,” Jensen groaned against his lips, as he continued to move his body. “I need you, Jay. Please, I need you.”

 

Jared’s body shook, his mind was swimming. _It’s too much, it’s all too much. I’m not ready for this._ Panic started to take over all his other feelings.

 

“Jay, please,” Jensen begged, his hand slipping down between them to grasp Jared through his boxers.

 

Jared yelped and tried to buck Jensen off him, but Jensen just took this as encouragement and rubbed him harder.

 

“Jen,” Jared sobbed. “I can’t – too much – uh.” He tried to push Jensen away. “Not ready, Jen. I’m not ready, it’s too much. Please stop.”

 

Jensen pulled away from Jared as though he were on fire, he stared at him a moment before flopping onto his back and draping an arm over his eyes.

 

“Fuck,” Jensen cursed harshly, still panting heavily.

 

“I’m sorry, Jen. I’m so sorry.” Jared stared up at the ceiling, his vision blurred as tears filled his eyes and Jared felt like the worlds biggest ass hole. This was the second time he’d stopped Jensen, the second time he’d rejected him. If anything was going to drive him away, this would surely do it and that was the last thing Jared wanted.

 

“You’re sorry?” Jensen questioned, but he didn’t sound angry like Jared had expected him to. “Jesus, Jared. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one that should be sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you, this is all so new for you, I just – I forgot, I guess. I got too caught up in what I wanted, what I _needed_.”

 

“I want it too, I do,” Jared rolled onto his side so he could see Jensen’s face. “It’s just – I don’t know how to do this – to be with another guy. And these things I’m feeling for you are so fucking intense. The way I feel when you touch me, it’s more than anything I’ve ever felt before, it’s all I can think about most of the time, like I’m obsessed and it’s scaring the crap out of me, I don’t know how to deal with it. It’s like my bodies running off, leaving me behind and I’m struggling to catch up.” He reached out and gently turned Jensen’s head to face him. “But I will, catch up I mean. I do want this, I _do_ want _you_. Can we just – take it slow; give me time to catch up?” Jared’s eyes bore into Jensen’s hopefully, so scared he was pouring his heart out for it to be spilt onto the floor for everyone to slip on. “Will you wait for me?” he asked tentatively.

 

Jensen stared at him, as if he were studying him. Jared couldn’t tell what he was thinking let alone what he felt. He held his breath and waited for his fate to be handed to him.

 

“I’ll wait for you, Jay,” Jensen said with a small smile. “We’ll take things what ever speed you like, what ever you need; you just let me know if I go too far, okay?”

 

Jared’s face split into an enormous smile, and he couldn’t help but lunge at Jensen and kiss him hard. Jensen yelped in surprise but quickly fell into the kiss until they were laughing quietly with each other.

 

“So, does that mean – are we like – official?” Jared asked shyly, feeling like a fool for even asking.

 

“Yeah, I guess we are,” Jensen grinned at him and kissed him again.

 

“My very first boyfriend,” Jared said with mock pride. “Wait till I tell the other girls, they’re gonna be so jealous.” Jensen laughed at him and punched him in the arm.

 

“Come on, come back to sleep.” Jared spread an arm over Jensen waist and Jensen snuggled against him.

 

“This is nice,” Jared smiled happily.

 

“Yeah, it is,” Jensen agreed.


	6. Chapter 6

** Chapter Six  **

 

Jared stretched happily when he woke again, the memories of what had happened and what the result flooding back into his brain. _Did I really say my body was running off without me?_ He groaned at his lameness and reached out an arm for Jensen, wanting to hold his new _boyfriend_. But Jensen wasn’t there; the covers were still a little warm so he couldn’t have been gone all that long.

 

The sun was just starting to come up so Jared figured he might as well get up anyway, he’d go and find Jensen, see if he was alright, today was the big day and there was no doubt going to be a lot of tension on the house.

 

He crawled out of bed and shivered in the morning chill. He got some fresh clothes from his bag and crossed the hall to use the bathroom. He looked longingly at the shower but didn’t want to impose on the family too much, he wasn’t sure if this was the only bathroom or not, and didn’t want to make people wait. So he used the sink to wash his body and freshen up as much as he could, before getting dressed and heading down stairs.

 

His nose was drawn to the aroma of coffee coming from the kitchen and smiled as he imagined Jensen sitting at the counter nursing a cup like he did every morning.

 

Jared was brought up short before he entered the room by Jensen’s angry voice.

 

“What is your problem with him, Steve? Why are you being such an ass hole?” Jensen was obviously trying to stay fairly quiet but his emotions forced the volume to rise a little.

 

“I don’t have a problem with him, I think he’s an okay guy from what I can see,” came Steve’s voice, completely calm.

 

“You could’ve fooled me,” Jensen snapped.

 

“He’s just not right for you, Jen,” Steve insisted.

 

“Steve, you’ve said that about every guy I’ve ever been with,” Jensen argued.

 

“And I’ve been right, every single time,” Steve pointed out.

 

“Well, you’re wrong this time,” Jensen told him. “I really like him, okay. Can’t you just support me on this one, be happy for me?”

 

“You really like him? You barely know him!” Steve’s voice started getting louder, trying to get his point across. “I know you, Jensen, you fall fast and you fall hard, and you don’t let your brain make the decisions for you.” Jensen was silent so Steve continued. “You’ve just broken up with Tom, had your whole life up heaved, and this guy was there, he was convenient.”

 

“That’s not true,” Jensen said shakily, but Jared could tell Steve was getting to him.

 

“You’re good looking, Jen, you turn heads everywhere you go. This is no different. What happens when Jared’s settled his curiosity, realises he really _is_ straight and leaves you hanging?” Steve said insistently.

 

“He wouldn’t do that,” Jensen said quietly. “He likes me, cares about me.”

 

“For now.”

 

Jensen was quiet and Jared’s heart ached. He was loosing him, he’d only just got him and he was loosing him already. _Fucking Steve, butting his nose in. Ruining everything_. He was just about to burst into the kitchen and demand that Steve take it all back when Jensen spoke again, his voice stronger this time.

 

“Listen, maybe things won’t work out. I don’t have a crystal ball. I can’t tell you it’s a match made in heaven or that we’ll be together forever like some fucking fairytale. But what I can tell you is that I like Jared, a lot, and he likes me too. Okay, so he’s a little confused about his sexuality at the moment, I’m okay with that and I’m gonna be there for him while he figures it out. If he decides he’s not gay, that he doesn’t like being with men, or being with me, then I’ll let him go. And so what if it hurts, life hurts all the time, but I’m not going to give up before I’ve even given it a chance. I can’t tell the future, but shouldn’t I at least be able to hope for it?” Jensen paused for a moment, catching his breath after his little outburst and Jared’s chest swelled with pride, push over indeed. “But you’re my best friend, Steve, my brother, and I’d really like it if you’d give him a chance too, ‘cause it’s gonna be really hard if you’re always throwing digs at him and giving him evil looks. Please, Steve, for me, please?”

 

Steve didn’t say anything for the longest time; Jared held his breath as he waited for his reaction. He prayed he’d be okay with them being together, Jensen needed his best friend to be there for him, especially after everything that happened with Tom, and Jensen needed to be there for Steve, now, there was no way Jared wanted to get in the way of that.

 

“I _do_ like the guy, you know?” Steve said finally. “I just worry about you; that’s all.”

 

“I know, and I love you for it, I do, but you have to let me live my own life.”

 

“I’ll give him a chance,” Steve sighed. “For you. But the second he messes up I’ll be on him like a ten ton weight.”

 

“Thank you,” Jensen said and Jared could tell he was smiling. “Come here and give us a hug, big brother.”

 

“Looks like you’re in the clear,” a quiet voice said next to Jared’s ear. He jumped and spun to see Chris grinning at him. “It’s okay; I was waiting for them to hash it out, now we can have coffee.”

 

Chris breezed past Jared into the kitchen. “Morning people; tell me there’s coffee,” Chris announced himself loudly. “Jen, put my boy down, you’ve got your own.”

 

Taking that as his queue to enter Jared made his way into the kitchen. “Morning,” he said quietly, not sure what sort of a greeting he was going to get.

 

“Hey,” Jensen said affectionately, smiling at him and immediately going over to pull him in for a kiss. Jared went willingly and for a moment he was lost in the warmth of Jensen’s lips and the smell of coffee on his breath. When they pulled apart Jared rested his forehead against Jensen’s.

 

“Hey,” he breathed, smiling down at Jensen, his thumb rubbing gently against his hip.

 

“You want some coffee?” Jensen asked, leaning up to kiss him again.

 

“I’d love some, thanks,” Jared pulled Jensen back when he went to move away and stole yet another kiss, smiling happily at how Jensen had greeted him good morning.

 

“Here you go,” Steve said as he handed Jared a steaming mug filled with the dark liquid. Jared eyed it suspiciously before shooting Jensen a questioning glance. Jensen just grinned at him.

 

“It hasn’t got arsenic or something in it, has it?” Jared asked, taking the mug and sniffing it cautiously.

 

Steve laughed and shook his head. “Just caffeine I swear,” he said holding his hands up as if to prove himself.

 

Jared eyed Steve and smiled a little. “Thanks,” he said, giving Steve and appreciative nod, Steve nodded back, like a silent agreement between the two men to make the effort.

 

“Morning boys,” a very tired looking Mrs. Carlson called as she entered the kitchen. She was immediately greeted with kisses and her own coffee. “Right, well we’ve got a big day ahead of us, I say we start it right and have pancakes.”

 

That suggestion was met with growling stomachs and enthusiastic nods. So Mrs. Carlson busied herself expertly in the kitchen while everyone else went to sit around the table, sipping coffees and making small talk.

 

When the big plate heaped, full of pancakes was carried into the room there was a small cheer and eager faces. But when their own plates were piled high and syrup had been generously poured, the only people who ended up eating greedily were Chris and Jared, everyone else picked at their food and stared as the syrup smeared around the plate.

 

Jared looked at his empty plate and felt guilty that he still retained an appetite. In many ways this was a brilliant morning for him, he’d gained a boyfriend, they’d sorted out where they stood with each other and Steve wasn’t giving him a hard time, but for everyone else, this was the day of reckoning and their stomachs refused to want sustenance.

 

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand, causing him to look up at him. He mouthed, _you okay?_ Jensen just nodded and smiled sadly, but he squeezed his hand back and then didn’t let go, so Jared turned his wrist so they could link fingers and gently rubbed his thumb over Jensen’s soft skin.

 

***

 

Before they knew it they were at the hospital and Jared was sitting in the waiting room again while the family went to see Mr. Carlson before his operation. He was resigned to sit there for sometime but Jensen suddenly appeared in front of him looking slightly nervous.

 

“What is it?” Jared was on his feet instantly.

 

“Um, he wants to meet you,” Jensen said sheepishly.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“To give you the once over, see if you’re good enough for me,” Jensen smiled shyly, his cheeks blushing in the most adorable way.

 

“Erm, okay, I guess,” Jared gulped and followed Jensen into the hospital room. The crowd of family parted to allow Jared to join them.

 

“Ah, this must be the Jared I’ve been hearing so much about.”

 

Jared looked down to meet the frail looking man in the bed. Mr. Carlson held out a shaky hand and Jared gripped it gently but firmly.

 

“That would be me. It’s very nice to meet you, sir,” Jared said politely.

 

“I hear you’re courting our Jensen here?” Mr. Carlson said, giving a sly smile.

 

The others in the room sniggered, probably at the word ‘courting’ just as much as Jared’s obvious discomfort.

 

“You heard right, Mr. Carlson,” Jared nodded and smiled over at Jensen, who stepped closer and gripped his hand, reassuringly.

 

“Well you listen here, that boy is like a son to me, so you treat him right, you hear?” Mr. Carlson said sternly, but there was a glint of mischief in his eyes.

 

Jared grinned at the old man, liking him instantly. “I plan to do my very best, sir,” he said confidently, squeezing Jensen’s hand.

 

“Good,” Mr. Carlson said, satisfied. “But stop calling me sir, you make me sound like my father.”

 

Suddenly a doctor appeared in the doorway clearing his throat. “We’re ready for you Mr. Carlson,” he spoke authoritively.

 

“Yeah, alright doc, just let me do the rounds,” Mr. Carlson said grumpily. “Jared, good to meet you boy, and just remember what I said.”

 

“I will,” Jared stepped back letting Jensen through as he went and gave the man a hug.

 

“Jensen, my boy. That’s a good strong man you’ve got there, polite too.”

 

“Yeah, he is,” Jensen held the man close.

 

“You make sure he takes good care of you, you deserve something good in your life.”

 

“I have you,” Jensen half sobbed into his shoulder. Mr. Carlson patted him on the back before releasing him.

 

“It’s good to see you, boy.” Jensen moved away and Chris stepped up and took his turn at a hug, being told he would always be welcome in their family and that there wasn’t a better match out there for Steve than him.

 

Next Steve moved up and Jared discreetly exited the room, leaving the family to say what could be their goodbyes.

 

It only took a few minutes before the room was being emptied and orderlies were wheeling Mr. Carlson away down the hall. As soon as he was out of sight Mrs. Carlson broke down, her false facade finally shattering and her tears falling freely. Steve caught her in his arms and led her away to the waiting room, his own face steeled against the emotions he was undoubtedly feeling, but he remained strong for his mother. Jared had no doubt that Chris would be doing the same for him somewhere in the near future. Chris followed Steve, being right there as soon as he was needed, a silent pillar of strength.

 

Jared looked towards Jensen, who just stood there, staring down the hall where the bed had been wheeled away. Silently, Jared embraced Jensen from behind, pulling him close and kissing him on the cheek.

 

“I’m here, whenever you need me,” he whispered to him. Jensen simply nodded and took Jared’s hand like it was an anchor to the world. Jared allowed himself to be led towards the waiting room where the family would sit until the outcome of the operation was known to them.

 

***

 

The wait was Hell! Twice, so far, Chris had been forced to pull Steve away from the door because he wanted to burst out there and demand to know what was going on. Mrs. Carlson went from crying her heart out; to sitting in silence, to being way too chipper and fetching everyone coffee and sandwiches – which were left untouched – saying they had to eat to keep their strength up.

 

The hours passed slowly, everyone took their turn to pace the room, whether to release pent up emotions or to just relieve some energy.

 

Jensen stayed close to Jared, holding on to his hand most of the time. Jared could feel him trembling even under the skin. Eventually Jensen stood and announced he was going to get some air, and that he had his phone if they were told anything.

 

Jared wasn’t sure whether or not to follow him but after the looks he got from Chris and Steve he was immediately out of his seat and following him down the hall.

 

Jensen didn’t go outside, instead he went into one of the bathrooms and Jared found him drenching his face in water, his body trembling with emotion.

 

“Hey,” Jared whispered, moving to Jensen like he was a magnet, he couldn’t stay away, especially when he was in pain.

 

“Jared.” Jensen fell into him. “I can’t take this, I feel like I’m going to burst from my skin. It’s taking too long, why don’t we know anything yet?”

 

“You know they’ll tell us something as soon as there’s something for us to know,” Jared tried to reassure him.

 

“What if he dies, Jared? I don’t know if I could handle it if he died!” Tears fell down Jensen’s face. Jared had been waiting for this, waiting for the moment Jensen would break, when he would fall apart. _But what should I do now? How can I possibly make him feel better?_

 

Jensen broke away from Jared and paced the tiled floor; he was rambling things about how he should’ve seen him more, made more of an effort to visit him.

 

“They should’ve picked this up earlier, they should’ve seen the signs and known what it was, they should have caught it earlier, then he would be okay, then he might not, oomph –” Jared kissed him, stopping his pacing, halting his rambling, he kissed him and Jensen shut up.

 

Jared deepened the kiss, pushing Jensen backwards until his back was forcing open one of the stall doors. Jared kicked the door closed behind them and reached out one hand to lock it.

 

“Jay, what are you –?”

 

“Shut up,” Jared told him and Jensen complied, kissing Jared hungrily.

 

Jared pushed his body against Jensen’s, feeling the heat between them burn; and _other_ things grow.

 

“Relax, Jen,” Jared whispered. “Just relax.”

 

Jared rubbed his body against Jensen’s, pulling moan after moan from Jensen’s mouth which he swallowed greedily. His hands moved over Jensen’s body, feeling every rivet, every dent, every muscle. He moved his mouth to devour Jensen’s throat, sucking and licking and kissing every single bit of flesh he could find like it was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted. When he ran out of skin to taste he started pulling aside Jensen’s clothes, almost ripping them in his eagerness to reveal more of the man.

 

Jensen’s head tipped back against the tiled wall, his eyes squeezed closed and his mouth hung open in a silent moan.

 

Jared hands wandered down, he fingered Jensen’s belt, pulling it open and fumbling with the button on his jeans.

 

“Jay?” Jensen gasped worriedly.

 

“It’s okay, Jen. It’s okay, just relax,” Jared promised him as he pulled his zipper down and delved his hand inside his boxers.

 

Jared’s breath hitched at the feel of Jensen’s hard cock in his hand, skin against skin. It felt similar to his own, a little shorter and thicker but Jared’s large hand fitted around it like a glove.

 

“Oh God,” Jensen breathed and buried a moan in Jared’s neck. His hips bucked into Jared’s hand and Jared tightened his grip, letting Jensen fuck his fist.

 

“Let it go,” Jared whispered onto Jensen’s lips and kissed him again. He continued to stroke him, twisting his wrist on ever up stoke, just the way he liked it himself. Jensen’s response was encouraging and Jared didn’t feel awkward at all. Instead he revelled in the noises he caused to escape from Jensen’s mouth, the sweat he could feel on Jensen’s skin.

 

“Jay, oh fuck, Jay,” Jensen panted, pawing at Jared’s shoulders and back. Jared pulled harder and kissed firmer, speeding up all his movements. Suddenly Jensen cried out and warm liquid was spilling over Jared’s hand.

 

Jensen’s body shook and Jared pressed him firmly into the wall to hold him up when his legs gave way.

 

Jared listened as Jensen’s ragged breaths entered his lungs; he felt the weight of Jensen’s head on his shoulder and his hot breath panting against his neck.

 

His hand was sticky and he held it aside, Jensen’s come dripping onto the floor. But he didn’t care, in fact he loved the feel of Jensen’s release on his fingers, knowing that he had caused that, that he had made Jensen make those sounds and feel that way, pride built in his chest.

 

“Jay, you just –” Jensen gasped.

 

“I know,” Jared said in amazement at himself, and then suddenly he felt very self-conscious. “Was it okay?”

 

Jensen laughed, he fucking laughed. Then he pulled his head back so he could look into Jared’s eyes. He looked fucked out, completed sated with a lazy grin pulling on his lips.

 

“That was more than okay, Jay,” Jensen nuzzled into him. “Thank you.”

 

Jared smiled, happy that Jensen had enjoyed it, and he surprisingly couldn’t wait to do it again. After last nights fears, just knowing that Jensen was willing to wait for him, made him want it even more. It took away so much of the doubt and pressure he’d been feeling and now he just wanted to experience things. He’d get around to it all eventually, but he figured that that was a pretty good start.

 

“You’re welcome,” Jared murmured and kissed Jensen deeply before pulling away and reaching for the tissue to wipe them clean.

 

“Don’t you want me to –?” Jensen reached for Jared’s still full hard on but Jared backed away, holding Jensen’s hand at bay.

 

“One step at a time, Jen.” He lifted Jensen’s hand to kiss his knuckles.

 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Jensen leaned against him and Jared wrapped his arms around him, holding him close and never wanting to let him go.

 

Jared sighed, “Yeah, I know,” he said cheekily and received a light punch on his arm for his troubles. “You ready to go back?” he asked Jensen gently and winced when he saw his beautiful smile drop, replaced by a thin, tight line.

 

Jensen nodded grimly and allowed Jared to lead him out of stall. He waited while Jared quickly washed his hands to get rid of the incriminating stink of sex and then leaned into him when Jared put his arm around his shoulders.

 

When they walked back into the waiting room Jensen nodded to Steve and Chris to let them know he was alright, before settling himself next to Jared and curling into his side. Jared pulled him closer and encased him in his arms. He chanced a glance over to the other two men and was pleasingly surprised to see Steve giving him an approving look. Jared simply held Jensen tighter and placed a kiss on his head.

 

***

 

Jared had lost track of the hours they’d been waiting when the doctor finally entered the room. Everyone jumped up but were respectfully silent. Jared had expected the poor doctor to be bombarded with questions and demands; instead they all just waited for him to speak. Jared could almost hear the hearts pumping double time, his own included. When the doctor smiled he swore it skipped a beat.

 

“It went well,” the doctor told them. “We found the tumour and managed to successfully remove it. He’s been moved to the ICU and we’ll continue to monitor him but I expect him to make a full recovery.”

 

The tension in the room evaporated with the collective sighs of relief and Jared felt as light as air. Now the questions did start, Jared had trouble keeping up with all the details but eventually they were told they could see him one at a time and only for a few minutes, that he was still unconscious and his face and eyes were a little swollen, but that was normal and it was nothing to worry about.

 

Mrs. Carlson went first and Jared hung back as he watched Jensen and Steve exchange hugs, they hung on to each other for a while but Jared just smiled at them, feeling no resentment or threatened in anyway.

 

When Mrs. Carlson came back it was Steve’s turn and eventually Jensen’s. As soon as Jensen left the room Steve was in front of Jared, his expression serious.

 

_Here we go_ , Jared thought. This was the part where he gets threatened and he gets to see Steve’s true colours.

 

“Thank you,” was what he got instead and Jared had to blink to be sure it was Steve talking to him.

 

“For what?” Jared asked, confused.

 

“For taking care of Jen,” Steve explained, a smile playing on his lips. “I know Jen, better than he knows himself. I knew he was going to break and I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did, but I think that’s thanks to you too. I don’t know what you said or did when Jen left this room but I honestly wasn’t expecting you to bring him back. I was totally ready to go after you guys but Chris said to give you some time and you surprised me.”

 

“I think Jensen’s stronger than you give him credit for,” Jared said bravely and Steve smiled.

 

“Jensen takes his strength from the people around him, always has, but I’ve never seen him like he is with you, the way he looks at you, defends you even. Jensen has never defended any of his boyfriends to me before, not even Tom, so that’s saying something.”

 

Jared couldn’t help but grin at that, standing up a little straighter.

 

“But you know that if you ever hurt him I’ll beat you so bad you won’t recognise yourself?” Steve smirked.

 

“Goes without saying,” Jared nodded but smiled at Steve.

 

“But has to be said anyway,” Steve smiled back.

 

“Oh, and just so you know,” Chris chimed in. “That goes double for me.” He slapped Jared on the back just as Jensen walked back in.

 

“Is it safe?” Jensen asked cautiously.

 

“Absolutely,” Jared told him taking him in his arms. “The inquisitions over.”

 

“And you survived? I’m impressed,” Jensen pulled Jared down for a kiss.

 

“I do my best,” Jared murmured against his lips, memories of the bathroom coming back to him, making him feel uncomfortably tight in his skin. Jensen hummed happily and kissed him again.

 

“Okay, now that’s just sickeningly sweet,” Steve said.

 

“Put him down, Big Jay,” Chris called. “Anyone would’ve thought you hadn’t eaten all day.”

 

At that Jared’s stomach growled and he and Jensen broke apart to laugh. Jensen put a hand to his own stomach.

 

“Food sounds like a great idea,” he said.

 

“You boys go get something to eat, I’m going to wait here for your father to wake up,” Mrs. Carlson said, reminding Jared of her presence and he blushed, embarrassed to have been kissing like that in front of her.

 

“Yes Ma’am,” Jensen said hungrily and started pulling Jared out the door, Jared went with a laugh and a wave. Yeah, things were looking good.


	7. Chapter 7

** Chapter Seven **

 

Three days later, Jared was laying in bed and sleep was refusing drag him into its sweet embrace. Jensen was laying with him, his head nestled against Jared’s chest and his body snuggled up close. He listened with a fond smile as Jensen snored softly, Jared playing gently with his hair. Jensen had been exhausted when they’d gotten home, they’d being at the hospital for most of the day talking with Mr. Carlson.

 

When Mr. Carlson had finally woken up a couple of days previous, there hadn’t appeared to be any side effects from the surgery, besides a slight headache, which he’d moaned about and made some joke about someone poking around in his brain. His stats were good and he was considering the possibility of getting a wig, said he’d get one to make him look younger. He kept trying to send them away, saying that they had better things to be doing with their time than bothering an old man like him.

 

Eventually they had left, the long days were beginning to take their toll on Jensen, and he’d all but passed out as soon as he’d gotten into bed. He’d kissed Jared sweetly, thanked him for being there, cuddled up to him and slept.

 

But Jared was having no such luck, no matter how much he tried; his mind just wouldn’t let him rest. He had so many thoughts swimming through his head and some of them concerned him more than he liked to admit.

 

He had _no_ regrets about his decision to be with Jensen, none at all, even though he knew he was in way over his head with his feelings for the other man, but he had no intention of backing out now. Jensen made him happier than he’d been in years. The physical attraction was still managing to take him by surprise and he’d been finding it hard to keep his hands off the man. They kissed constantly, trailing hands over each other, learning the shape and feel of each others bodies.

 

There hadn’t been any repeat of that day in the hospital and Jensen hadn’t pushed Jared for more, in fact he’d been a perfect saint, allowing Jared to set the pace, just as he'd promised. Jared wasn’t even disturbed about the fact that he was attracted to another man anymore, it was too natural for it to be weird; they just fitted together so perfectly, it would be wrong for them to be apart.

 

No, that wasn’t what was bothering him. He was worried about what was going to happen when it was time to go home. He had a job to go back to, a house, and his family were all there; he couldn’t keep travelling to keep this dream he was living alive.

 

He wondered if Jensen would come with him, but he feared he wouldn’t want to leave his home. He had a place to stay at Chris and Steve’s, they’d made it clear he was welcome to live with them as long as it took to get himself back on his feet and Jensen seemed to be the sort of person that needed people like them around him, a family. He probably wouldn’t want to move away to a strange place, with someone he’d only known a couple of weeks, no matter how well they were getting along.

 

_What if Jensen stayed behind?_ A long distance relationship would never work, there wasn’t a hope in Hell Jared could live with only seeing Jensen occasionally. But even entertaining the idea of never seeing him again at all caused such a tight pain in Jared’s chest, he found it hard to breathe.

 

Then of course, whether Jensen went with him or not, there was the matter of Jared’s family. How were they going to take the news that their son and brother was now gay and had a boyfriend? The horror stories of how Jensen’s family had shunned him kept torturing Jared, and he was terrified the same thing would happen to him.

 

He loved his family; they meant the world to him and Jared didn’t know if he could cope without knowing he had their support. He was pretty sure his brother and sister would be okay with him, but his parents? He truly had no idea. They were God fearing folk, always went to church on Sunday’s, always said grace before dinner, how would they take their beloved son turning gay all of a sudden? Would they shun him? Argue with him? Send him to their priest for an exorcism or something equally as crazy?

 

“You’re thinking too loud,” Jensen’s voice startled him out of his head.

 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Jared took a moment to realise the absurdity of the question before shifting round to face Jensen.

 

“What’s the matter, Jay?” Jensen asked, brushing Jared’s bangs out of his eyes.

 

“I was just thinking that’s all. Nothing for you to worry about,” Jared said, trying to brush it off. Instead he slipped his hand over Jensen’s waist and pulled him close, until he could feel their bodies pressing against each other, wanting to make sure that Jensen didn’t think he was having second thoughts about _them._

 

“Talk to me, Jay, let me help?” Jensen pleaded. He dragged his hand down Jared’s bare arm, following the movement with his eyes, causing his lashes to briefly brush against his cheeks and Jared swallowed at how sexy that looked. “Jay?”

 

Jared sighed. “I was thinking about telling my parents about us, I don’t know how they’re gonna to take it,” he confessed. For some reason he couldn’t look Jensen in the eye when he spoke.

 

“Oh, Jay,” Jensen whispered. He placed his finger under Jared’s chin and forced him to meet his gaze. Jared raised his eyes sheepishly. “Do you think they’ll take it badly?”

 

“I honestly don’t know. I mean, they’re super religious,” he told him, feeling the panic in his chest build again.

 

“So they don’t have any gay friends or anything?” Jensen asked.

 

“Not that I know of, and anyway, it’s different when it’s their own flesh and blood.” Jared sighed, knowing that he was trembling slightly but unable to prevent it. “I’m scared of what I’m gonna see in their eyes when they look at me,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

“I’ll be there for you, you know that right?” Jensen said firmly and Jared frowned.

 

“Will you?” He didn’t sound sure. “I mean, what are you gonna do when I have to go home again?” There, he’d voiced his fears, now he just had to face the answers.

 

“Oh,” Jensen faltered. “I don’t know, I hadn’t really thought about it,” Jensen looked away and Jared felt a piece of his heart crack.

 

“You could come with me,” Jared suggested hopefully, desperately needing Jensen to say he would.

 

“I don’t know,” Jensen said quietly, still avoiding Jared’s eyes. “I don’t know if I can uproot myself like that. I mean, travelling around has been fun and everything but I always figured I’d go home with Chris and Steve, rebuild my life.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Jared said sadly, wishing there was something he could say, some rational argument to convince Jensen that going with him was the right thing to do.

 

“Hey, we’ll figure something out, okay?” Jensen said firmly, finally looked back at Jared. “I don’t plan on letting you go, not without a fight.”

 

“Really?” Jared asked and couldn’t help a little grin. “You’d fight for me?” He edged closer and nuzzled Jensen’s neck.

 

“Of course I would,” Jensen moaned, tipping his head to the side so Jared could start kissing the exposed skin. “And I can be vicious when I don’t get my own way.”

 

“Hmm, I’d better make sure I always do what you want then, hadn’t I?” Jared said against Jensen’s skin as he continued his trail of kisses over his bare shoulder and down his arm.

 

“Uh, you’re doing pretty well so far.” Jensen groaned when Jared pushed him on his back so he could lick and suck at his nipple. Jared loved the taste of Jensen’s skin; he wanted to taste every intoxicating bit of it. Jensen’s hand went into Jared’s hair as Jared dragged his teeth over his swelling nipple, bringing a gasp from Jensen’s lips. Jared grinned and licked a hot line up Jensen’s neck until he met his lips.

 

“So, tell me what you want?” Jared whispered before claiming Jensen’s mouth with his own, swallowing Jensen’s moan greedily. Jared deepened the kiss, not allowing Jensen to answer yet. Honestly, he was slightly afraid of what Jensen might say, that he might ask for something Jared wasn’t ready to give yet.

 

So, Jared just kept kissing him, running a hand down his side and up again over hot flesh, fingers feeling out every groove and dip his flexing muscles caused. He knew he would have to come up for air soon and he mentally steeled himself for what was to come. In the hospital Jared had been in control, everything had been his choice, under his lead. But he knew that he would have to give some control over to Jensen, things couldn’t stay one sided.

 

Apprehensively, Jared pulled back from the kiss; their breath’s coming hard and harsh. He looked into Jensen’s eyes, studying his blown wide pupils, dripping with lust. He imagined his own eyes to have a similar appearance and wondered briefly if there was fear in them.

 

“I want to touch you,” Jensen breathed quietly, as if he were afraid the words would explode if he said them too loud. He kept eye contact with Jared, searching for any sign of him freaking out. “Please, can I touch you?”

 

Jared smiled, that was something he was prepared to do and his body agreed as it tingled with anticipation.

 

“God yes,” Jared crashed their lips together but not before seeing Jensen’s face light up with a blinding smile.

 

Suddenly Jensen growled and pushed Jared onto his back, switching their positions. He pressed open mouthed kisses down Jared’s throat as his hands ran up Jared’s chest and over his shoulders, caressing the skin so softly, Jared’s head swam. Jensen took control and Jared let him, finally giving Jensen permission to do what he wanted, and he grasped the opportunity with both hands, like he was afraid Jared would suddenly change his mind.

 

Jared watched Jensen’s progression with heavy lidded eyes, his body eagerly eating up every sensation Jensen fed it. Jensen’s hand slipped to the waist band of Jared’s boxers before they stopped and Jensen looked up questioningly. Jared nodded and held his breath as Jensen pulled them down and off. Jensen’s eyes caressed Jared’s naked body and he heard Jensen’s breath hitch.

 

“My God, you’re beautiful,” Jensen said in wonderment. Then he threw himself down over Jared and took his mouth again. Jared could feel him through Jensen’s boxers, his hard length pressing against his own. He thrust up into Jensen, wanting, _needing_ the friction against his cock. Jensen’s hands ran down Jared’s body, his movements quick and desperate. One hand paused on Jared’s stomach and Jensen pulled away from the kiss to stare at him.

 

“Are you sure?” Jensen questioned and Jared’s heart clenched at his concern, that in the heat of the moment he would still check to make sure Jared was okay, that he was enjoying it and not feeling insecure.

 

“God Jen, if you don’t touch me now, I’m gonna fucking explode,” Jared told him in no uncertain terms.

 

The next thing he knew, Jensen’s hand was closing around his cock and he all but saw stars. His mouth opened and he threw his head back but no sound came out as Jensen worked him, pulling up and down. He slipped his thumb over Jared’s slit, sending shivers down his spine and Jared knew that a hand job had never been this good.

 

Jared was far from innocent, he was plenty experienced when it came to girls and sex, but somehow Jensen and his touch made him feel like a virgin. Every time Jensen’s hands or lips or tongue found a new place to caress Jared’s nerves went on overload, sending shocks of amazing energy through his body, tingling every sense it could find and it was fast becoming addictive.

 

Jared’s limbs felt useless, all he could do was lay there and let Jensen work his magic. Jared wasn’t sure if he could last, it was so amazing, and it had been a while since he was last touched _there_. Jensen kept laying kisses all over his body; paying special attention to nipples that Jared had no idea could be so sensitive. Jared arched against Jensen’s touch, revelling in the tremors that shot through his body. Then Jensen was staring at him, his face so close he could feel his breath coming hard and fast.

 

“I wanna taste you,” Jensen told him, his voice shaking with want. He kept his eyes glued to Jared’s as they widened. “Can I?”

 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jared almost passed out from just the thought of Jensen’s mouth on him, sucking him.

 

“I need you to say it, Jay,” Jensen insisted, keeping his eyes on Jared’s.

 

Jared could hardly breathe, his mind was awhirl, Jensen’s hand still pumped him expertly and every sense was so alive he didn’t think it could get any better. But he was willing to try; at this point he was willing to say yes to almost anything Jensen had to offer.

 

Jared grabbed the back of Jensen’s head and crashed their lips together, kissing him intensely before stopping to look him directly in the eye.

 

“Okay,” Jared panted, nodding his head slightly.

 

“You’re sure?” Jensen said while he placed little kisses all over Jared’s face.

 

“Please? I want you to,” Jared moaned, his blood pulsing with the excitement of what was about to happen. Sure he’d been blown before, but never by a guy, never by Jensen, and just the thought of it was driving him crazy. Jared took a moment to realise how far he’d come in just a few days, from being so afraid to be close to Jensen and now never wanting to be apart from him.

 

Then all coherent thoughts disappeared as Jensen’s mouth closed around the head of his cock.

 

“Oh _fuck_!” Jared cried out. The warm wet heat enveloping him moved down to take him nearly all the way. Jared’s hips bucked up into that amazing heat, before his mind supplied him with the information that he didn’t want to choke Jensen and he forced himself to keep control, even as Jensen’s hands pushed firmly on his hips to keep him in place.

 

Jensen’s tongue did wicked things, swiping across every sensitive spot no one had ever found before, then he sucked him deep and Jared gripped Jensen’s hair just for something to ground him before he flew away.

 

“God, Jen,” Jared gasped; he didn’t know what to do with himself. He felt so good, Jared didn’t have words to describe how right it felt; especially knowing it was Jensen making him feel that way.

 

His climax was building so fast Jared didn’t even have time to feel embarrassed. He tugged at Jensen’s hair before stuttering, “Jen – I can’t – I’m gonna –”

 

Jensen shoved his mouth further over Jared’s cock and Jared screamed his release. He pumped his come so fast into Jensen’s mouth that he was sure Jensen was going to choke on it, or spit it out in disgust. But Jensen swallowed it down like it was the best thing he’d ever tasted and that only made Jared come harder.

 

“Oh, Jen, oh fuck,” Jared rambled, all proper thoughts abandoning him as his brain melted and his body turned to mush.

 

Finally Jensen was releasing Jared’s now limp member and kissing his way up Jared’s front. When their faces were level Jensen was studying Jared, a worried expression plastering his face.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked, nuzzling Jared gently and looking at him with hopeful eyes.

 

“I am so beyond okay right now,” Jared grinned, smelling himself on Jensen’s breath. “So, how’d I tasted?”

 

“Kiss me and find out,” Jensen smirked. He obviously didn’t think Jared would take him up on it because when Jared shoved his tongue into Jensen’s mouth he barely contained his gasp. Jared wasn’t certain he liked the taste of his come, it was kind of bitter, but the taste of Jensen’s mouth was quickly over powering it and it became much more bearable.

 

Jared slowly moved his hand down, wanting to repay the favour but was surprised to find Jensen’s cock was limp. He looked at Jensen questioningly and Jensen blushed.

 

“That was so hot. I couldn’t wait, sorry,” Jensen said sheepishly.

 

Jared laughed and flopped back onto the pillow. “That was amazing,” Jared sighed and tried to stifle a yawn.

 

“I’m glad you liked it.” Jensen placed a soft kiss on Jared’s chest. “You think you can sleep now?”

 

“Oh yeah, I doubt I’ll ever wake up again after that,” Jared said as his eyes began to close.

 

“I’m just gonna clean up, I’ll be back in a minute,” Jensen told him and slipped from the bed.

 

Jared was almost asleep when Jensen crawled in next to him.

 

“Jay? You sleeping?” Jensen whispered in his ear.

 

“Mph, waitin’ for you,” Jared mumbled and scooted closer so he could pull Jensen to him. “C'mere.”

 

Jensen cuddled up against him. Jared smiled sleepily and pressed a kiss to Jensen hair. Jared breathed in Jensen’s scent and closed his eyes happily; content to know that Jensen would still be there when he woke up. All previous fears forgotten for the night.

 

***

 

“It suits you,” Jared told him, eyeing Jensen up and down as he sported the dark green shirt. They were shopping for clothes after Jensen had finally decided he was sick of everything in his suitcase and desperately needed to restore his wardrobe, even though he didn’t have an actual wardrobe, yet.

 

“You think?” Jensen looked in the mirror. “What about the jeans?” He wiggled his ass at Jared and looked over his shoulder teasingly. Jared came up behind him and placed his hands on his hips, stilling his movements.

 

“You keep that up and I just might have to take them off you,” Jared informed him in a deep voice, catching his eye in the mirror.

 

Jensen grinned happily, he knew exactly what he was doing, he knew he looked damn sexy in the tight jeans and a fitting shirt that brought out the emerald in his eyes. He’d been teasing Jared all morning, trying on clothes that were tight on his body, accentuating his muscles, hugging his ass. He’d come out of the dressing room several times bare chested with his pants half hanging open claiming he wanted Jared to find something in a different size because the one he had was too small, which Jared knew all too well because Jensen had just modelled it, showing off how it clung to him.

 

“Ooh, right here and now, baby?” Jensen drawled, biting his lips and pressing back against Jared, rubbing his ass in Jared’s crotch.

 

Jared groaned, “You’re killing me here.” Which just made Jensen chuckle. That was it, Jared had had enough. He grabbed Jensen by the arms and dragged him into the changing booth, pushing him up against the wall and pinning him with his larger frame. He pulled the curtain closed behind them and stared down at Jensen who looked up at him with smouldering eyes.

 

“Finally,” Jensen moaned and opened his mouth to Jared’s kiss, accepting his tongue willingly. Jared rubbed his body against Jensen, he could feel Jensen was already half hard inside the tight jeans.

 

“Fucking tease,” Jared growled but there was no malice in his voice. He was far too turned on to think of anything other than how he just had to touch Jensen, as much as he could, right now.

 

Then his mouth was on Jensen’s neck, delivering sharp nips to the skin, while his hands worked to rid Jensen of the dark green shirt.

 

“Uh, I’ll be getting this shirt then?” Jensen managed to get out before his breath caught when Jared sucked hard at the skin where his neck met shoulder, rapidly pulling the blood to the surface.

 

“I’ll buy it for you,” Jared promised, pushing the shirt off Jensen’s shoulders and starting work on the jeans. “These too.”

 

“Uh, Jay –” Jensen moaned as Jared’s hands pushed everything down his legs to leave nothing but bare skin and grasped his erection. Jared trailed kissed over Jensen’s face before pausing over his lips. All his movements halted and Jensen groaned in protest.

 

“Now, get dressed,” Jared ordered. “We’re going home.” Then he slipped out of the changing room leaving Jensen standing naked aside from the jeans and boxers around his ankles, leaning against the cold wall, panting and shivering with need, his cock curled to his stomach, red and angry.

 

“Fucker.” Jared heard Jensen curse and chuckled while he waited for him to re-emerge.

 

 

As promised Jared bought Jensen the shirt and jeans and then they were in the Impala heading back to Steve’s house, the rest of Jensen’s purchases in the trunk. Jared sat behind the wheel looking smug and Jensen shot daggers at him all the way.

 

When they got to Steve’s, Jensen grabbed his bags and stormed into the house, Jared followed just in time to see him stomp up the stairs to their room. Jared called out hello but no one appeared to be home. Upstairs Jensen slammed their door closed and Jared flinched, he wondered if maybe he’d gone too far, if Jensen was truly pissed off with him.

 

_Shit_. He went sheepishly upstairs and cautiously pushed open their bedroom door. He slipped inside and was already opening his mouth to spill a hundred apologies when he was forced back against the door and Jensen’s lips were attacking his. It only took Jared a moment to pass his shock before he was giving as good as he got. When he ran his hands up Jensen’s body he noticed that Jensen had changed his clothes, he’d put on that green shirt and the jeans Jared had bought him.

 

When Jensen realised he’d noticed he pulled back with a smirked.

 

“Let’s try that again, huh?” he said, cocking an eyebrow and backing away slowly, showing off his new garments. Jared’s body responded immediately, his dick half hard and begging for more, his eyes drinking in the sight of Jensen walking backward, his hips swaying slightly.

 

“The things you do to me,” Jared groaned, loving the way Jensen smiled at the effect he was having on Jared. Jared advanced on him like a predator and Jensen his prey. Jensen was forced to stop when his legs hit the bed and Jared towered over him, he lifted his hand and gently ran his thumb over Jensen’s cheek, tracing his freckles, gazing into those gorgeous green eyes as they looked up at him.

 

“Jay?” Jensen murmured leaning into his hand.

 

“How did you do this to me?” Jared asked quietly, taking in Jensen’s face, committing it to memory even though it was already permanently burned into his brain. Jared didn’t think he could ever get tired of looking at Jensen, he was beautiful.

 

“Do what to you?” Jensen asked with a slight quiver in his voice.

 

“Make me fall for you so fucking hard?” Jared said in awe, as if Jensen had put him under some spell. “Make me want you as much as I do? You’re driving me crazy. I just can’t get enough of you.” Jared’s hand continued to caress Jensen’s face, his eyes running over every freckle, every laughter line.

 

“What ever it is, it’s contagious,” Jensen almost whispered, his eyes swimming with emotion. “God, Jay, you’re like this force of nature that’s taken over my life, it’s like I lose all control when you’re around.”

 

“I have to kiss you now,” Jared told him, his breath getting deeper. Jensen just nodded and leaned up to greet Jared’s lips. Jared’s hands framed Jensen’s face, holding it still so he could kiss him slowly, gently, sensually. His thumbs rubbed Jensen’s cheeks and Jensen moaned into the kiss while he slowly unbuttoned Jared’s shirt. When all the buttons were released Jared dropped his hands so Jensen could push his shirt off his shoulders, Jensen left his hands lingering over the skin of Jared’s arms and Jared shivered at the light touch.

 

“Let me see you?” Jensen murmured and slipped his fingers under Jared’s T-shirt. Jared obeyed and let Jensen pull it off over his head. Jared wasted no time giving Jensen the same treatment, flicking each button of his shirt open until he could see pale flesh underneath. When he pushed it aside he dipped his head to taste the skin on Jensen’s chest, Jensen moaned and let the material fall over his hands and onto the floor. Jared’s hands were already back to work, releasing the button of Jensen’s jeans and pushing the zip down slowly, while his mouth continued it’s exploration of Jensen’s body.

 

He could feel Jensen’s hands undoing his jeans and suddenly they were lose and being pushed over his ass along with his boxers. Jensen’s hands gripped Jared’s ass and pulled him against him, grinding their hips together. Jared gasped, finally getting friction and he bucked his hips into Jensen’s, the denim harsh against his naked length. So Jared simply rid Jensen of the offending material and suddenly they were naked, kissing and rubbing against each other.

 

It was then that Jared made a decision. He separated his lips from Jensen’s and slowly licked and nipped down his body. Then he was on his knees before Jensen, staring at his full, pulsing cock. He stared at it for the longest time, trying to imagine what it would taste like and if he could really put it in his mouth. He wanted to. He wanted to do that for Jensen. _What if I mess it up? What if I’m no good?_

 

“Jay,” Jensen said softly, startling Jared slightly, as though he’d forgotten he was there, even though he was studying his dick. “Jay, you don’t have to, I would never –”

 

“I want to,” Jared looked up Jensen’s body till he met his eyes. Jensen’s were shining; his affection for Jared clear in them and that only cemented Jared’s decision. Jensen’s hand came to cup Jared’s face and he smiled softly. “Just – guide me through it, okay?”

 

“Okay, Jay, okay,” Jensen whispered. “Take it slow, don’t rush it.”

 

Jared turned his attention back to the job at hand. His hand was trembling as he lifted it to guide Jensen’s cock to his mouth. He tried to get his breathing under control and just jerked Jensen a couple of times, taking comfort from Jensen’s hand, a solid presence on his head.

 

Tentatively Jared flicked out his tongue and just licked the tip, the taste of Jensen’s pre-come exploding on his taste buds. It was different to what he’d tasted in Jensen’s mouth the night before, saltier, and not all that bad. He licked it again to make sure it hadn’t been a fluke and he felt Jensen quiver under his touch, heard his breath hitch and smiled.

 

He looked up at Jensen again, now Jensen’s eyes were almost black as he stared at Jared on his knees before him.

 

“You have no idea – how fucking amazing – you look like that, Jay,” Jensen stammered and gripped Jared’s hair. He didn’t pull or guide, he just held on.

 

Jared grinned. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth. He took the tip of Jensen onto his tongue and closed his lips around him. He sucked experimentally and was pleased when Jensen gasped above him.

 

“Use your tongue, Jay,” Jensen instructed breathlessly. Jared obeyed and used his tongue to swipe around the head, feeling Jensen’s slit, he dipped the tip of his tongue in it. “Fuck! Yeah, baby, that’s it, just like that. You’re doing so good.”

 

Jensen’s praise washed over him and he became bolder, opening his mouth wider and taking Jensen deeper. He continued to use his tongue, learning the feel of Jensen in his mouth. The skin was silky and slid easily over his moist lips, so he tried to move his head, pulling up and going back down again.

 

“What your teeth, baby,” Jensen told him and Jared complied, trying to hold his teeth back while still keeping his lips closed over him. He pulled almost all the way off before delving down again, really starting to get a feel for the motions, his nerves dissipating somewhat. He sucked and licked, using his hand to work what he couldn’t fit in his mouth.

 

“Oh, God,” Jensen groaned, his fingers tightening in Jared’s hair and joined by Jensen’s other hand. “Oh, that so – fuck baby, that’s so good. Don’t stop, Jesus, don’t stop.”

 

Jared had no intention of stopping, not when he was getting sounds like that from Jensen’s mouth. He worked harder and faster, he tried to take him deeper, tried to open his throat so he didn’t gag. This did wonders, Jensen’s praise turned to incoherent babbles and curses, so Jared did it again, hollowing his cheeks even though his jaw was aching and his tongue was going numb.

 

“I’m – Jay, I’m gonna –” Jensen tried to warn, tugging his hair, Jared got the message, he thought about staying there and trying to swallow but he remembered the taste of himself on Jensen and pulled off.

 

Jensen came with a loud moan, over Jared’s hand and a little on his chest. Jared coaxed him through it before he grabbed his shirt and wiped away the mess. Jensen’s legs gave and he collapsed to sit on the bed, he was breathing hard, gripping the bed sheets as if to keep himself balanced.

 

Jared watched as Jensen slowly came back to himself, nervous to find out how he’d done, he was more apprehensive than when he got his exam results. His own aching hard-on, which was pulsing painfully against him, was momentarily forgotten; he just stayed on his knees as if waiting to be dismissed.

 

Jensen finally opened his eyes, he took a moment to focus on Jared but when he did he face split into a wide, beautiful grin. Jared found himself smiling too and moving over to Jensen when he held out his arm. Jensen pulled him in so he could kiss his face, his nose and finally his lips.

 

“You – are amazing,” he told Jared, brushing a bit of wayward hair back into place.

 

“So, it was okay?” Jared just had to ask, his voice harsh as it passed through his aching throat.

 

“You’re one Hell of a fast learner, are you sure you’ve never done that before?” Jensen teased. He pulled Jared back so they were laying on the bed wrapped in each others limbs, Jared groaned and closed his eye as pressure was put on his cock. “For your first time it was just about perfect.” Jensen kissed his nose, then his cheek, then moved to breathe hot air in his ear. “I think it’s about time I returned the favour,” he whispered and took Jared’s earlobe between his teeth, dragging them over the skin. Jared caught his breath and had to focus so he didn’t come there and then. Just the _thought_ of Jensen’s hot, wet mouth engulfing him again was enough to drive him closer to the edge.

 

Jensen lay a trial of kisses over Jared’s shoulder, across his chest and down his naval, each touch causing Jared to shiver with need and tiny moans to escape his mouth. Then his hot breath was washing over Jared’s erection and Jared couldn’t help but buck towards that heat, wanting to be surrounded by it.

 

“I think someone likes this idea,” Jensen chuckled. Then it was no more talk, Jensen took Jared straight down and Jared yelled in pleasure.

 

“Oh, God, that’s – uh,” Jared cried, gripping onto the bed sheets for fear that if he held Jensen’s hair he may well rip it out. Jensen sucked him deep and hard, his tongue working wonders, flicking over his slit, rubbing down the length. Jensen hummed around him, sending thrilling bolts of pleasure through Jared’s body.

 

“Jen, fucking Hell, Jen,” Jared almost shouted he was so tuned on. “I’m not gonna last.” Then Jared was coming hard, bursting his seed into Jensen’s mouth while Jensen swallowed eagerly. Jared thought he should be embarrassed that he didn’t last very long but after what he’d done to Jensen he figured he couldn’t really hold it against him.

 

Jensen flopped down next to him and Jared tuned his head to see Jensen grinning at him shyly.

 

“Thank you,” Jared said, rolling on his side. He gripped Jensen behind the head and guided him in for a soft press of lips.

 

“It was the least I could do,” Jensen said and snuggled closer, lifting his head so Jared could put an arm around him. When he shivered Jared pulled the covers over them as best he could.

 

“Better?” he asked and Jensen nodded, burying his face in Jared’s neck. “So, um, Jen?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Baby?” he said, amused at Jensen’s chosen pet name for him.

 

“Yeah,” Jensen smiled against his skin. “Baby.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

 

Later when Jared awoke he found Jensen watching him, a lazy smile on his face.

 

“Were you watching me sleep?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“You looked so peaceful,” Jensen told him, still smiling.

 

“What time is it?” Jared shifted to try and find a clock; he secretly smiled at the feel of Jensen’s naked body rubbing against his.

 

“Dunno, but it’s still light out so I don’t think we slept that long,” Jensen said. “Did you want to get up?”

 

“God no,” Jared relaxed back down and pulled Jensen closer to him.

 

“Good, cause I don’t wanna move for the rest of the day,” Jensen draped an arm over Jared’s stomach and settled his head on his shoulder.

 

“That might be awkward when Steve’s mom calls us for dinner,” Jared pointed out and chuckled when Jensen huffed indignantly.

 

They lay in silence for a while, just enjoying being together and Jared let his mind wander.

 

“You’re thinking again,” Jensen said, poking him in the side.

 

“Hey,” Jared protested, poking him back.

 

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Jensen asked and started drawing patterns with his finger over Jared’s chest, tickling him slightly.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Jared said, his hand rubbing down Jensen’s spine, feeling every bump there was.

 

“Anything,”

 

“What’s it like?” Jared asked. He paused as though regretting what he was going to say.

 

“What’s what like?” Jensen probed gently.

 

Jared breathed deeply, “Sex – with a guy?” he asked quietly, embarrassed to be asking such a question.

 

“Depends on the guy, I guess,” Jensen answered honestly, with no hint that it was an uncomfortable topic for him.

 

“But, doesn’t it hurt?” Jared pressed, his heart beating a little faster.

 

“Yeah, it can do. Especially your first few times, but that’s why you prepare properly,” Jensen kept talking. “It’s good to have a partner who’ll make sure you’re ready before hand, someone who’ll make sure you’re comfortable.”

 

“What do you mean, prepare?” Jared felt like the confused virgin he was. But Jensen didn’t seem to mind, he just continued to explain patiently.

 

“Well, you can’t just stick it in there, so you start with your fingers,” Jensen told him. “It’s best to use plenty of lube, and then you use your fingers to stretch them open so it’s not too painful.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“What is it?” Jensen asked as though he could sense the frown on Jared’s face.

 

“Nothing. It’s just –” Jared faltered. “How can it possibly be nice?”

 

Jensen chuckled and kissed Jared’s chest a couple of times.

 

“It’s not as bad as you might think,” he told him. “Then of course there’s your prostate.”

 

“I’ve heard about that. Is it really _that_ good?” Jared asked sceptically.

 

“God, Jay,” Jensen sighed and Jared felt Jensen’s body shudder a little. “When it’s touched, you know? Stimulated just right, there’s no feeling like it.”

 

“Really?” Jared wasn’t convinced.

 

“Do you want me to show you?” Now Jensen looked up and calmly took in Jared’s shocked face.

 

“You can do that?” Jared asked, shifting awkwardly.

 

“Sure. I mean, I’d have to put my finger inside you and it might be a bit uncomfortable at first, but I promise you that it feels amazing.” Jensen kissed Jared’s chest again, just a reassuring gesture.

 

“And you don’t have to – you know – have actual sex?”

 

“No, you don’t have to have actual sex,” Jensen smiled at him.

 

“I don’t know,” Jared said nervously. “I don’t know if I’m ready – for that.”

 

“That’s okay, baby. Whenever you’re ready.” Jensen nuzzled against his neck for a moment, giving him little, reassuring kisses.

 

Jared’s mind worked through all the information, taking it all in. _Could it really feel that good?_ Just the thought of having someone’s fingers up his ass sent cold shivers through him, but the sincerity in Jensen’s voice when he spoke about how amazing it felt, sent a different type of shiver through him.

 

“Jen?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Do you have any lube?”

 

Jensen sat up further and stared at Jared in shock. An apprehensive smile trying to pull on his lips.

 

“Really?” Jensen asked hopefully, his eyes wide.

 

“Show me,” Jared said with a confidence he didn’t really feel.

 

Jensen was up like a shot, rummaging around in his case until he came back with a tube that Jared assumed to be the lube. When Jensen was laying next to him again he kissed him firmly, deepening the kiss until they were both breathless and turned on, their bodies begging for more.

 

“Okay, baby.” Jensen flipped the top off the lube and squeezed some onto his fingers. “It’s really important that you relax for me, okay?”

 

Jared nodded. He gulped and licked his suddenly dry lips. _Am I really going to do this?_

 

“If you don’t like it, if you want me to stop at any time you’ll tell me, right?” Jared nodded again, not trusting his voice to not squeak or something equally embarrassing. “Promise me, Jay.”

 

Jensen stared at Jared insistently and Jared knew he wouldn’t continue without his word. “I promise,” Jared said in a slightly cracked voice. “I’ll say if it’s too much, I promise.”

 

“Okay, now kiss me,” Jensen ordered and Jared didn’t waste anytime pushing their lips together. Jensen kissed him deeply. When he licked at Jared’s mouth Jared snaked an arm around his neck and let him in straight away. Their tongues tangled and licked against each other and Jared moaned into the passionate kiss. He loved kissing Jensen; he’d never enjoyed kissing anyone as much a he did him.

 

Suddenly, Jensen’s moist finger was rubbing down Jared’s crack and he instinctively jerked. Then he forced himself to relax and concentrated on the kiss, on tasting Jensen’s mouth while his finger rubbed gently at his opening. It didn’t feel too bad so far, a little strange but it was okay.

 

Jensen moved his hand to lift Jared’s leg and hook it over his hip, they were laying on their sides and in this new position their cocks began to rub together. Then Jensen’s finger was back, rubbing in gentle circles and through the sensation of it Jared felt himself grow harder.

 

Jared flinched when Jensen’s finger penetrated him; he pulled away from the kiss and screwed his eyes closed.

 

“Relax, baby, it’s just me,” Jensen murmured softly against his ear, kissing him gently. “Come on, Jay. Let me in.”

 

Jared panted slightly as Jensen pushed his finger further inside. It didn’t hurt, not at all. It was just – strange. He wasn’t going to go as far as to say it felt good but it was certainly different.

 

“That’s it, baby, let me in,” Jensen continued to talk to him in a calming voice and Jared felt it do its magic. He relaxed. The shaking of his body lessening and Jensen began to move his finger, pulling it out and pushing it back in.

 

“You still with me?” Jensen questioned, dusting little kisses over Jared’s face.

 

“Y-yeah, I’m okay. Keep going,” Jared reassured him. He forced his eyes open and met Jensen’s concerned ones. “I’m okay,” he said more confidently.

 

“Feels weird, right?” Jensen said with a smile, all the while still moving his finger in and out, rubbing around.

 

“You could say that,” Jared laughed a little.

 

“You think you could handle another one?” Jensen questioned carefully, a little smile on his lips.

 

“I – I have no idea,” Jared gulped.

 

“Wanna try?”

 

Jared could feel another of Jensen’s fingers pressing against his entrance and a slight thrill shot through him. _This isn’t so bad, but what would two fingers feel like?_

 

“Yeah, okay,” Jared nodded and held his breath as Jensen pushed in the second finger.

 

“Nugh,” Jared gasped, he felt himself being spread further, a slight burn coursed through the tight muscles around Jensen’s fingers. His legs trembled and he clutched onto Jensen, digging his fingers in.

 

“Okay?” Jensen queried, concerned.

 

Jared breathed out before taking another, deep breath in. “Yeah, keep going.”

 

“Jay? Kiss me?” Jensen searched for Jared’s mouth, trailing kisses until he found it. Then they kissed hard, Jensen plundered Jared’s mouth with his tongue, seeking out every little crevice. Then he twisted his fingers and –

 

“FUCK!!!” Jared screamed and curled his body around Jensen’s; clinging to him like his life depended on it. “Holy fuck, do that again.”

 

Jensen grinned and did as he was told, pressing his fingers into Jared’s prostate. Jared cried out in pleasure, Jensen was right; nothing had ever felt this good.

 

“Oh Jesus Christ, don’t stop,” Jared begged and pushed himself back against Jensen’s hand. Shots of white hot bliss coursed their way through Jared body as Jensen’s relentless fingers rubbed against that spot inside him, and all Jared could do was ride it out, he had no control over anything his body was doing, all he could feel was the amazing effects of Jensen’s fingers inside him.

 

His body shook with the most intense pleasure he’d ever experienced, he knew he was mumbling incoherently and he was pretty sure his nails were digging so hard into Jensen’s flesh that he was drawing blood. But Jensen didn’t stop; his fingers rubbed him over and over while his mouth sucked bruises into his neck.

 

“That’s it, baby,” Jensen whispered in his ear, hot breath just adding to the series of sensations Jared was enduring. “I told you it was good, didn’t I? Isn’t it amazing, baby? Doesn’t it feel amazing?” Jensen continued to murmur and Jared was more and more turned on with every word and every trust of his fingers.

 

“So gorgeous, baby. I love how I can make you fall apart,” Jensen groaned. “God, the sounds you make, Jay, you’re so hot like this. I could come just listening to you, watching you.” 

 

Jared was surprised when he suddenly shot his load, coming all over their stomachs. His whole body shook as wave after wave of pleasure poured through him, and then, everything was black.

 

 

“Jay? Jay, baby. You with me?” Jensen’s voice drifted through the darkness and Jared sighed, he liked Jensen calling him baby, it made him feel like he meant something more to him, something special. Jared opened his eyes and found Jensen sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at him. He was smiling but there was also concern filtering through his expression.

 

“Hey,” Jared said groggily. He tried to figure out why Jensen would be concerned and then it all came flooding back to him. _Holy shit that had been good._ “How long was I out?” Now came the embarrassment at having passed out.

 

“About twenty minutes,” Jensen told him. Jared looked down at himself. The come had been cleared from his and Jensen’s bodies and the covers were draped over his legs and groin. “You sure you’re okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m just a bit fucked, that’s all.” Jared motioned with his hand that Jensen should lay down with him which he did immediately. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

“It was that good, huh?” Jensen asked, half teasing and half serious.

 

“You were right, Jen, there’s no feeling like it. I mean, wow! That was so amazing. Thank you.” Jared pressed his lips against Jensen’s before they settled down in each others arms. Jared was just drifting off to sleep again when there was a bang at the door.

 

“Come on you two love birds, stop fucking and come eat.” It was Chris. Jared and Jensen burst into laughter and Jensen shouted something rude at Chris but told him they’d be right down.

 

***

 

The dinner had been embarrassing; Chris and Steve had kept giving him knowing looks and winks. Even the kind smiles Mrs. Carlson had given him hadn’t failed to send hot flushes to his cheeks.

 

Now, a couple of days later, Jared watched the reason for that embarrassment sprawled on the ground of the Carlson’s garage, his head disappearing under the Impala, his top riding up to expose the skin on his flat, muscular stomach, and Jared’s heart leapt.

 

Jensen had asked if he could take a look at the Impala and of course Jared had said yes. Now Jensen was covered in grease and oil, his tight grey tee clinging to him as the sweat caused by the afternoon sun soaked his body, and Jared had to hold himself back from the man, he looked so damn sexy.

 

Jensen had spent the day showing him all sorts of things Jared hadn’t had a clue about on his car, things to look out for, how to keep certain things in check, but still all things Jared hadn’t known about before.

 

When they were both leaning under the hood, Jensen pointing things out, and Jared could take his eyes off him. His muscles flexing as he moved, his lips and they way they wrapped themselves around the words he spoke, even though Jared found it hard to concentrate on those words.

 

Finally Jensen leaned against the car and grinned at him.

 

“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?” Jensen chuckled.

 

“That’s not true, I heard lots of words,” Jared said defensively.

 

“You just want to kiss me, don’t you?” Jensen smirked.

 

“Is that such a bad thing?” Jared asked innocently.

 

“Oh, I didn’t say that.” Jensen grinned and allowed Jared to move in close, pinning him against the car.

 

“Kissing you could never be a bad thing,” Jared confirmed quietly, as he lowered his face until he was able to claim Jensen’s lips.

 

“Hey you two. Don’t start that now,” Steve strolled into the garage like he owned the place – which considering it was his folks place wasn’t far off – and interrupted them. “Jen, if you’re wanting to come with me to the hospital you’d better get cleaned up.”

 

“Yeah, okay, gimme ten minutes and I’ll be right with ya,” Jensen reluctantly pushed Jared away. “I’ll catch you later, when I get back, okay?”

 

“You bet you will,” Jared caught another greedy kiss before Jensen grinned and went inside to shower and change.

 

 

When Jensen and Steve had left for the hospital Jared found himself at a bit of a loose end. That was until Chris appeared in front of him, handing him a beer.

 

“Thanks, man,” Jared accepted gratefully.

 

“What’s up, Big Jay, you look down,” Chris asked, using the nickname he’d given Jared.

 

“Nah, I’m okay,” Jared sighed and knew he didn’t sound convincing.

 

“Aw, come on, tell me, maybe I can help,” Chris nudged him in the side.

 

Jared sighed, maybe now was the time to talk about what was bothering him. “It’s just – this is gonna be my last night here, I’m gonna have to start making a move home tomorrow afternoon so I can get back and get settled ready to go back to work on time.”

 

“And?” Chris waited for the rest before commenting.

 

“And – I don’t wanna leave Jensen behind, but I don’t think he’ll come with me,” Jared confessed, feeling even worse now he’d voiced his concerns.

 

“Have you asked him?” Chris questioned.

 

“Yeah, I mentioned it a few day ago, but he said he didn’t think he could uproot himself like that,” Jared told him miserably. “And I can understand that, I mean, it’s not like we’ve known each other all that long, I can’t expect him to leave everything he knows behind. He’s been through a tough time recently and he needs things around him that are familiar, like you and Steve. I can’t expect him to change his whole life just for me.” Jared’s voice cracked and the reality of having to leave Jensen behind finally hit him.

 

“But you want him to? You want him to go back with you?” Chris asked, taking a gulp of his beer.

 

“I wish he could. I know it’s crazy and it’s really fast and I know that this whole gay thing is new to me, but with Jen – it’s just so right, you know?” Jared swallowed half his beer purely to fight the tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t know what to do so I don’t lose him.”

 

“From the looks of things there’s only one thing you can do about it,” Chris told him calmly, Jared looked at him and waited for some divine wisdom that would make everything okay. “You have to talk to him. Find out what he wants, how he feels. See if you can’t work something out together. You can’t just ignore it and hope it goes away, Big Jay, you want results you have to take action.”

 

Jared nodded and stared into his beer. “I know. I know I have to talk to him. But what if he says no? What if he doesn’t feel as strongly as I do? I mean, I think he does, it seems like he does, but what if I’ve read it all wrong and he doesn’t? What if he tells me to leave and that it was all just a bit of fun, satisfying some lust?”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there, buddy, you’re getting carried away with yourself,” Chris held up his hands as though Jared were a wild horse ready to bolt. “Listen, I know you mean a lot to Jen, he wouldn’t have had you stick around if you didn’t. And I think it’s likely a lot of those thoughts and fears are swimming around in his pretty little head too. God, I think I need to bash your skulls together. Now, when he gets back here, I suggest you talk to him, nice and calm like, don’t go jumping to any conclusions. You’re scared, but don’t let that be the emotion that drives you ‘cause that way leads to trouble, you get me?”

 

“Yeah, I get ya, Chris, thanks.” Jared finished off his beer. “You want another?”

 

Chris nodded and tipped his hat in thanks so Jared collected them another couple of beers. Together they sat and waited for their lovers to return home, until Chris got bored and challenged Jared to a game a hoops on the driveway, where there was a basket attached to the wall.

 

Jared gave Chris a weird look, knowing that he towered over him by miles but he agreed. It turned out that Chris used the height difference to his advantage; he was quick on his feet and ducked under Jared’s arms easily. The game was close but Jared was just in the lead when Steve and Jensen pulled up announcing they had take out.

 

Jared beamed when he saw Jensen and bounded over to him, lifting him in the air and rubbing his sweaty face in his neck. Jensen squirmed and tried to get away.

 

“Yuck, you’re gross, get off me,” Jensen complained but he was laughing.

 

Steve looked at Chris warningly, “If you even think about it you’ll be sleeping on the sofa.” Chris backed off, hands held in surrender and Steve grinned in victory.

 

“Okay you two; into the showers and be quick about it or we’ll eat your share of the food,” Jensen warned and pointed Chris and Jared inside to wash up.

 

Chris and Steve’s room had its own bathroom so Jared used the main one to have a quick, hot shower. Then he dressed and bounded down the stairs, just beating Chris to the table. Mrs. Carlson was spending the evening with her husband so it was just the four of them.

 

They ate and laughed, and drank beer until they were merry and sleepy. Soon, Steve was draping himself over Chris and whispering in his ear, it wasn’t long after that they were excusing themselves and going upstairs. Jensen laughed and watched them go, then he and Jared were alone and Jensen moved over to where Jared was seated on the sofa and straddled his legs.

 

“Hey you,” he said quietly.

 

“Hey yourself,” Jared smiled up at him, but his smile wasn’t full and Jensen could tell. “Jen, can we talk?”

 

Jensen groaned and kissed Jared’s neck, “Do we have to?” he said, moving to nibble Jared’s ear.

 

“I’d like to,” Jared said, trying not to let Jensen distract him. “Don’t you think we should?”

 

“I think –” Jensen circled his hips, pressing his already half hard dick into Jared’s crouch. “– that we should go upstairs.”

 

“Jen, you know I have to leave tomorrow,” Jared insisted but Jensen didn’t stop, instead he worked harder to arouse Jared, pushing his shirt up and biting his nipples.

 

“I know,” Jensen moaned and started work on Jared’s jeans. “So, let’s not waste anymore time, okay?”

 

“Jen, I really think –” Jared started but faltered when Jensen’s hand dug under his boxers and grabbed his dick.

 

Jensen looked directly into Jared’s fast dilating eyes, “You think too much,” he told him and then swallowed any other protest by sealing their lips together. His hand continued to work Jared’s cock until it was fully erect and Jared had no choice but to go with it. He swore to himself that they would talk after, but right now Jensen really seemed to need this and who was Jared to deny him, especially when he wanted it just as badly?

 

“Upstairs,” Jensen ordered breathlessly. “Now!” Jared nodded and they leapt to their feet and almost ran up the stairs.

 

When they were shut firmly in their room, Jensen was turning on Jared again and practically tearing his clothes off. His jeans were first to go since they were already undone, his boxers followed directly after and his top was ripped off his head dangerously fast. Somehow Jensen had been managing to shed his own clothes at the same time and he now shoved Jared against the door and fell straight to his knees.

 

This time he didn’t ask for permission, they were way past that. He took Jared’s long dick in his mouth and sucked it hard.

 

“Ngh.” Jared slammed his head back against the door and moaned loudly, his climax building quickly. Jensen was desperate, like he wanted to devour Jared through his cock, he sucked hard and fast, then he was pulling off and dragging Jared over to the bed, pushing him onto his back and climbing over to straddle him.

 

Jared didn’t even have time to catch his breath before Jensen was attacking his mouth again, slipping and sliding their bodies together.

 

Jared was forced to tear his mouth away so he could gasp some air. “Jesus, Jen,” he panted, closing his eyes at the sensation of their cocks rubbing together.

 

“Jay,” Jensen spoke into his neck, never stopping his relentless kisses. “God, Jay, I want you, I want you so badly, baby.”

 

Jared shuddered at those words. They both terrified and exhilarated him.

 

“Jen, I –” He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what he wanted.

 

“Please, baby, I need you,” Jensen begged. “I wanna feel you inside me.”

 

“I don’t know how,” Jared gasped as Jensen bit his shoulder, hard.

 

“You do, I showed you, just like I showed you,” Jensen panted. “Please, Jay, God, please?”

 

“Okay, yeah okay, Jen,” Jared was saying before he realised it, but the feel of Jensen against him, rubbing him, kissing and biting him, he was on sensory overload and he was pretty sure there wasn’t any blood left to run his brain.

 

Jensen shifted slightly, and then he was pushing the tube of lube into Jared’s hand, along with a condom. He lay next to Jared, and they stilled for a moment, breathing hard and staring each other in the eyes.

 

“You sure you want me to do this?” Jared needed to know it was okay.

 

“I’m more than sure, Jay,” Jensen confirmed. He ran a hand over Jared’s chest lightly and Jared closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy the feeling.

 

“What if I hurt you?” Jared asked, keeping his eyes closed. He felt a hand on his face and a soft kiss on his lips.

 

“Hey?” He slowly opened his eyes and met Jensen’s. “You won’t hurt me,” Jensen said seriously, his eyes confident. Jared searched those eyes before he nodded.

 

His hands shook as he tried to get the top off the lube. “Here,” Jensen whispered and took the tube, coating his fingers for him. “It’s okay, baby. I trust you.”

 

_How can you when I’m not even sure I trust myself?_ Jared thought silently. He lower his trembling hand and Jensen lifted his leg to hook it over Jared’s hip, just as he’d done to Jared, keeping things familiar and Jared was grateful for that. Cautiously Jared felt around until he found Jensen’s tight, puckered entrance. He stilled and swallowed, trying to get his breathing under control. _I don’t know if I can do this._

 

He looked to Jensen who was staring at him, a little desperation in his eyes. Jared circled Jensen’s entrance and watched as Jensen’s breath shuddered slightly. He studied the expressions darting across Jensen’s face with keen interest. Then he pushed a little harder and the tip of his finger disappeared inside. Jensen gasped, his lips parting and his eyes drifting closed. The corners of his mouth tipped into a small smile and Jared slowly pushed further inside.

 

It was nothing like fingering a woman, it was so much tighter, Jensen’s body clenching slightly around him, and the look of pleasure on Jensen’s face was enough to wash away Jared’s fears. He focused solely on Jensen’s face, gauging each and every expression it went through. Soon Jared’s finger was moving slowly but confidently and he could literally feel Jensen relaxing around him.

 

“Okay?” he spoke in a whisper, afraid to shatter this tender moment.

 

Jensen opened his eyes, his soft gaze falling on Jared and he shifted his body closer to his. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he promised. All desperation and frantic movements of before gone, now it was calm, soft, and yet sweat dripped down Jared’s back and beaded on Jensen’s forehead.

 

“Another?” Jared questioned, not wanted to do too much too fast.

 

“God yes, please?” Jensen nodded firmly and kept Jared’s eyes locked to his as Jared pushed in another finger. Jensen’s mouth opened in a silent moan, his eyes boring holes into Jared. He was pushing his body back against Jared’s hand, his movement causing their cocks to rub together and Jared sighed, happy for the friction to relieve a little of the pressure building in him.

 

“Open your fingers,” Jensen panted slightly and Jared complied, doing as he was told, scissoring his fingers and stretching Jensen further.

 

Jared wondered if he could find that spot in Jensen, so he gently began exploring the walls of Jensen’s hole, but he couldn’t find it, not until he twisted and pressed – there!

 

“Ngh,” Jensen cried out, his fingers gripping Jared’s arms tightly, digging his nails in. Jared smiled and pressed again. Jensen pressed his head against Jared’s shoulder and breathed hot hard breaths against his skin and Jared continued to stimulate that spot. “Oh fuck yes,” Jensen pushed back against him, practically fucking himself on Jared’s fingers. “That’s it, baby, more.”

 

Jared pushed in another finger, effectively losing his purchase on the spot but Jensen didn’t seem to mind, he stretched willingly, suddenly kissing Jared, his desperation coming back in full force.

 

“Now, Jay,” Jensen groaned. “I need you now.”

 

Jared nodded; his cock was so hard he barely dared touch it. It turned out he didn’t have to, Jensen took the condom from him and ripped it open. He slid it over him quickly and then slipped the top off the lube and coated his length generously, Jared biting his lip against the want to thrust into Jensen’s fist.

 

“How do we –?” Jared asked breathlessly.

 

“On my back,” Jensen said, he rolled onto his back and pulled Jared with him. “I want to see you.”

 

Jared smiled and nodded. This was good; it was familiar – in a way. He pulled his fingers out, eliciting a moan from Jensen and settled himself into position.

 

“Hey,” Jensen caught his attention before he pushed in. “Slow, okay? A little bit at a time, you’re a big boy.” Jensen grinned and leaned up to kiss him.

 

Jared nodded and moved until he could feel Jensen’s opening at the tip of his cock. His body started shaking as he pushed forward, Jensen’s hands clasped his arms and as he just breached the entrance they both drew in sharp breaths. Jared paused before pushing in a little further, stopping when Jensen’s fingers tightened on his arm.

 

Jared swallowed thickly. Jensen’s body was squeezing him so tight; he’d never before felt anything like it. His body longed to slam into that tight heat but Jensen had told him to take it slow and he never wanted to hurt Jensen so he waited, his body shaking almost violently. He could feel Jensen around him starting to loosen, to relax and so he risked pushing in further, he kept going bit by bit until he was all the way in and he almost collapsed over Jensen, the strain of staying still was exhausting.

 

“You okay?” he asked Jensen, looking down at where he was biting his lip.

 

“Jesus, you’re big,” Jensen huffed out a laugh and Jared knew he was blushing.

 

“Am I hurting you?” _Please tell me I’m not hurting you?_

 

“No, it doesn’t hurt, baby. Just gimme a second though, okay?”

 

Again the whole mood had calmed, it was like they were wavering on a knifes-edge just waiting for the whole thing to become more intense than they could handle.

 

“How about you?” Jensen questioned, checking in on Jared.

 

“You’re so tight, tighter than any –” Jared really, _really_ wanted to move.

 

“Okay, baby, I’m good,” Jensen told him and Jared almost cried with relief.

 

“You sure?”

 

“I need you to move now, please, Jay?”

 

Jared pulled out slowly, trembling with the effort to keep calm and not just fuck Jensen into the mattress straight away. When he pushed back in Jensen gasped and lifted his legs to loop them across Jared’s ass, Jensen pulled on him, helping him set the pace and pretty soon they had a good steady speed going.

 

“Yeah, baby, that’s it,” Jensen praised him and Jared thrust a little harder grunting at the effort. “That’s it, you’re doing it.”

 

“Ngh, Jen. You have – no idea how – amazing this feels,” Jared gulped and continued pumping into Jensen’s body, feeling his tightness take him in again and again, welcoming him into his heat.

 

“I’m right there with ya, baby.” Jensen curled his hand in Jared’s hair and guided him down for a kiss. It was sloppy at first, too much tongue, teeth clashing, but soon they found each other and the kiss turned deep, passionate, and full of the want and affection that emanated from each other. Jared moaned into Jensen’s welcoming mouth, his heart soaring at the fact that he got to be with Jensen like this, he couldn’t believe he’d been so worried about something so perfect.

 

Jared shifted, trying to get a better position, to get more grip, Jensen’s hip rising off the mattress. Suddenly Jensen screamed and threw his head back.

 

Jared froze. _Oh god._

 

“What? Did I hurt you?” he asked his voice panicked.

 

“Don’t you dare fucking stop,” Jensen growled and used his legs to pull Jared back to him. When Jared pushed in again Jensen cried out again and that’s when Jared understood, he knew exactly what he was hitting inside Jensen’s body to get that reaction.

 

With this in mind Jared thrust harder and watched in wonder and Jensen thrashed about beneath him, a look of excruciating pleasure glowing from his face.

 

“My God,” Jared breathed, the sight of Jensen under him, the fact that it was Jared causing him to feel so good, watching him fall apart in his hands. “You’re beautiful.”

 

Then Jared had to kiss him, he had to find out what that ecstasy tasted like. Jensen in turn gripped Jared around the head and held him to his lips, not letting him pull away. They plundered each others mouths, taking everything they needed. Jared pumped faster and harder, his body screaming for release but Jared never wanted this to end.

 

“Touch me?” Jensen hissed. “Oh fuck – I need you to touch me.”

 

Jared tried to get his head around what Jensen was asking for, it only took him a moment then he was reaching between them and gripping Jensen’s cock.

 

“Oh God, Jay,” Jensen cried out. “Oh fuck, oh fuck.”

 

Jared’s movements became erratic, his thrust into Jensen harder and harder, trying his best to keep the same rhythm with his fist.

 

Jensen screamed, he shot hot white ropes of come over his stomach and Jared’s hand, his body tensed and he clenched around Jared hard.

 

“Jen, holy shit, Jen,” Jared cried Jensen’s name as his body exploded. His vision went white and every nerve in his body sang with joy. His hips continued to thrust, as though on autopilot, because the driver certainly wasn’t all there anymore. Slowly Jared’s senses started to return back to normal, he opened his eyes to see Jensen beneath him, panting just as hard as him and looking up at him.

 

“Hi,” Jared whispered.

 

“Hi,” Jensen smiled.

 

“Wow,” Jared said, unable to breathe long enough to get more than one word at a time out.

 

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed, having the same breathing problems.

 

“Okay?”

 

“Amazing.”

 

Jared lowered his head to rest it on Jensen’s shoulder while they both fought for breath and waited to fully come down from their high. After a while Jensen shifted a little under him and Jared knew that now was the time to move. Carefully he pulled out and tied off the condom, tossing it towards the wastepaper basket he knew was there somewhere. Then he collapsed down next to Jensen, his body unable to hold him up anymore. Jensen reached to the nightstand and retrieved some tissues and they cleaned up as best they could.

 

Jared lay on his back and Jensen cuddled into his side, head on his shoulder and hand on his chest, a position that was so familiar to them now. Jared smiled and tightened his grip on Jensen, holding him closer and kissing his head affectionately.

 

That had undoubtedly been the best sex of his life, he didn’t give a shit that it was with a man, he only cared that it had been with Jensen. It had been perfect, the way their bodies fitted together, it was all so right, like it was meant to be. Now everything was good and Jared sighed a contented sigh, smiling as his eyes closed and felt Jensen’s breath against his skin, right where it should be.

 

“Come with me?” Jared said drowsily.

 

“No.”

 

And the world that had been Jared’s for the last few weeks shattered.


	9. Chapter 9

** Chapter Nine **

 

Jared was packing his bag, shoving things in violently. Jensen was nowhere to be seen, Jared hadn’t see him all day. Jensen had refused to speak to him last night, he’d just rolled over and gone to sleep, he wouldn’t even let Jared touch him. Jared hardly slept, but he must’ve dosed at some point because when he opened his eyes again, Jensen was gone.

 

Chris and Steve watched him from the doorway, their jaws set, and faces grim. They’d said they hadn’t seen Jensen, he wasn’t answering his phone and even though they’d gone out to look in some places they thought he might have gone, they hadn’t found him. Jared was going to have to get going, he’d waited nearly half the day already.

 

“I thought you were going to _talk_ to him,” Chris said, not for the first time.

 

“I told you, he didn’t want to talk about it, he flat out refused to talk about it. And then this morning, he was just gone, no note, no explanation, nothing.” Jared sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. He pressed his palms into his eye sockets to try and stem the tears that threatened to fall.

 

“I’m sorry, man, I really am,” Steve came and sat by him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I mean, isn’t he even gonna say goodbye?” Jared asked, his voice breaking. “Did it all just mean nothing to him?”

 

“Oh, I don’t think that’s the case,” Chris said kindly, stepping closer.

 

“Then why isn’t he here? Why won’t he come with me?” Jared insisted somewhat desperately.

 

“Because I can’t.”

 

Everyone looked to the doorway to see a very tired and drained looking Jensen.

 

“Jen.” Jared was on his feet and embracing Jensen before anyone knew what was happening. Jensen held him and buried his face in his neck. Jared kissed him, licking at Jensen’s lips for entrance, Jensen opened up, letting Jared in and they kissed deeply, desperately. Neither noticed Chris and Steve slip past them and down the stairs.

 

“You came back,” Jared smiled.

 

“I came to say goodbye,” Jensen told him flatly, avoiding his gaze and Jared’s smile crumbled. He looked at the floor and nodded sadly, slowly his nod turned into a shake.

 

“I don’t understand. Why won’t you come with me?” Jared questioned, searching Jensen’s face as if it held the answers.

 

Jensen sighed, “It’s just not something I can do. I – can’t change my whole life just like that.”

 

“But Jen, your life has already completely changed,” Jared tried to reason.

 

“And you want me to lose what little I have left,” Jensen insisted. “Why can’t _you_ come with _me_? You never even thought of that, did you?”

 

“Because I have a house and a job, I can’t just quit, sell my house, and move away from my family.” Jared’s voice rose. _Why didn’t Jensen understand?_

 

“Oh, so that’s it, is it? Poor Jensen’s the one with nothing, so he’s the one who has to make all the sacrifices?” Jensen shouted. He turned and stormed down the stairs, but Jared wasn’t giving up that easily, he grabbed his bag and ran after him.

 

“You know what? Yeah, why not?” he was almost shouting himself. “You said it yourself, you’ve got nothing, you’re gonna have to start a new life anyway. Why can’t you do it with me?”

 

Jensen just stared at him, mouth open; he looked as though he’d just been slapped.

 

“I barely know you,” Jensen argued. “How can you expect me to change everything I am on just a few weeks? I’m sick of being the one doing everything for everyone else; just to get it all thrown back in my face. I’m sick of being shit on, Jared, and I won’t do it again.”

 

“I’m not fucking Tom,” Jared shouted, throwing his arms in the air. “I’m not asking you to throw away your dreams, I’m not asking you to do anything for me other than _be_ with me.”

 

“Everyone wants something, Jared,” Jensen huffed.

 

“Well not me!” Jared insisted. “You promised me we’d figure something out. You said that you’d fight for me, but you’re just giving up without even trying.” Jared paused to take a breath, he hoped Jensen would jump in and tell him he’d just come up with a plan to make it all work out, but he remained silent and avoided Jared’s eyes.

 

“Look, Jen. I know I can’t guarantee everything will be perfect; there are no guarantees in life. But I _can_ guarantee that I am _not_ using you,” Jared said more calmly, knowing that screaming at each other was going to get them nowhere. “And I know we haven’t been together very long, but it was good, wasn’t it? Don’t you think it’s something worth exploring further? Finding out where it all leads?”

 

“Oh, I think you’ve done enough exploring, don’t you?” Jensen said, narrowing his eyes. “How am I supposed to know that all I’ve been to you wasn’t just an _exploration_ of your _sexuality_? And once you’ve satisfied your curiosity you’ll leave me hanging?”

 

“How dare you, you know that’s not true. These last few weeks have meant _everything_ to me,” Jared chocked out, hurt by the accusation and Steve’s words coming back to haunt them. “I trusted you with everything, how dare you tell me it meant nothing.”

 

Jensen looked away and realisation dawned on Jared.

 

“But that’s it, isn’t it? I didn’t mean anything to _you_! What was I, a conquest? Turn the straight guy gay, and get him into bed?” Jared questioned, his voice shaking as tears fell over his cheeks. “I mean, I know I’m new at all this, but I tried, I really did. I tried so fucking hard, Jen. Was I really _that bad?_ Or is it just that now we’ve fucked, you don’t wanna know?”

 

“Get out,” Jensen said coldly, he set his face and folded his arms, he didn’t flinch at the tears that fell from Jared’s eyes and Jared didn’t care to wipe them away. Jared’s heart was breaking and Jensen looked as though he couldn’t give a flying fuck.

 

“You never even considered coming with me, did you?” Jared accused brokenly.

 

“Jared, just go.” Jensen turned his back, his shoulders stiff and his fists clenched.

 

“You weren’t even willing to give us a chance. It really meant nothing to you. _I_ really meant nothing,” Jared sobbed, his chest constricting painfully. Jensen was still and silent. “Now who’s the used one?”

 

Jared couldn’t look at him anymore, he pushed past him and out the door, not sparing a glance for Chris and Steve who’d been there listening to the whole thing. He opened his trunk and threw his bag in, not even caring if there was anything breakable in it. He went to the car door and paused, it took all his strength to simply stay standing.

 

“Steve?” he said quietly.

 

“Yeah, Jared,” Steve answered equally softly.

 

“You’ve got my address in case I left anything behind?”

 

“Yeah, Jared, I got it,” he confirmed sadly. “But I don’t think I can mail what you’re leaving behind.”

 

More tears fell and Jared nodded. “Guess I should’ve known it would all end in tears, huh? I mean, you knew, didn’t you?”

 

“I knew,” Steve said, but his face told him that he wished to God he’d been wrong.

 

“Guess he really should’ve listened to his friends. Say thanks to your mom for me? I hope your dad keeps getting better.

 

“Thanks, Jay, I will.”

 

“Gonna miss you, man,” Chris said solemnly.

 

“You too buddy, you too.”

 

Jared forced himself to open the car door and sat down. He stared at the wheel for a moment, his whole being begging for Jensen to come through that door and getting in the other side, where he belonged. Jared sat there, he waited. Jensen didn’t come.

 

So he stared the engine and gave the couple watching him a sad wave before he drove away. Leaving what was left of his heart in Jensen’s possession.

 

***

 

Jared made one stop over night – not that he slept – but eventually he was pulling into his street. The journey had been quiet, no music, no laughter, no emotion. He was too tired for emotions; he just didn’t have the energy it took to make them. When he pulled onto his driveway he looked up at his big house, empty and waiting for him.

 

Jared dropped his head to the steering wheel and bit back his tears.

 

_Should I have stayed with him? Should_ **I** _have been the one to sacrifice everything, to risk everything? Have I just made the worst mistake of my life?_

 

Jared looked to the passenger side and lifted the black hoodie, burying his face in it. He’d found it on his first stop for gas, sitting on the back seat. It still smelled of Jensen, just the aroma of him brought back so many memories that Jared couldn’t keep up with them all. Jensen sitting on the other side of the car, just watching him drive. Jensen with syrup on his cheek after eating pancakes in a diner. Jensen grinning as he wiggled his ass at Jared, showing off in tight jeans. Jensen’s face under him as he came, the sheer pleasure Jared caused his body to go through.

 

He couldn’t stop them; the tears fell and soaked into the soft material.

 

“FUCK!” Jared shouted as loud as he could and hit the steering wheel so hard his hand stung. He was breathing harshly and tried to swallow the painful lump in his throat.

 

He didn’t know how long he sat there after that, it could’ve been hours, and in fact it probably was. His thoughts were awhirl in his head.

 

_It had to have meant something to him, people just don’t argue that hard over things that don’t matter to them._

 

Jared remembered Jensen telling him how he’d had taken over his life, how he had no control over himself with Jared around. Was that the problem? Was Jensen scared of that lack of control? God, Jared missed him so badly it hurt all over, but under that pain he just felt empty, and lost.

 

Jared pulled out his cell and scrolled down to Jensen’s number – like he’d done so many times on his way home – his finger hovered over the call button. _What would I say? Would he take me back if I went back to him or did he really want nothing to do with me?_

 

Jared looked up at his house. It was too big for just him and he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone other than Jensen living with him. He hadn’t been able to sleep at all at the motel the night before, he’d missed Jensen’s heat next to him, missed his body cuddled up to his, his hand on his chest, his breath on his neck.

 

_Is my house really that important to me? I don’t even like my job. My family might not want to know me when they find out I’m gay, and even if they did they’d understand if I moved away, wouldn’t they? It’s not like I have any friends, not like Jensen has. Would it really be that much of a sacrifice?_

 

“God, I’m such a selfish bastard,” Jared muttered to himself as he grabbed the key to start the engine. He could easily sell his house, he could get another job if he wanted one, and it didn’t matter where he was as long as Jensen was there too. He had to give it a chance; he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t at least try. And if Jensen really didn’t want to know, well, then at least he would know for sure and wouldn’t keep regretting it for the rest of his life.

 

Jared looked up to his house again and thought of the bed waiting for him to sink into it. Right now a warm bed and maybe some tequila sounded like heaven, he was way too tired to risk driving again right now anyway, but then, the bed would be empty and even alcohol reminded him of Jensen.

 

Wearily, Jared finally climbed out of the Impala. Sleep, he’d sleep and in the morning he’d go back, he wouldn’t call, Jensen might hang up, or worse, not answer at all. But if Jared was there, right in front of him, he’d have to deal with him. Tomorrow, he’d go back tomorrow.

 

“Baby?”

 

Jared looked up, startled. That’s what Jensen called him, but that wasn’t Jensen’s voice, it was too high, too girly, too much like Sandy. And there was Sandy, standing in his door way, dressed to impress as always, looking stunning and making Jared feel sick.

 

“You’re home, at last,” she smiled and started down the few steps, her arms held out to him as if she was going to hug him. Jared flinched away.

 

“What the fuck are you still doing here?” Jared blurted. Sandy looked at him in shocked confusion.

 

“What do you mean, baby? I live here,” she said in her soft voice.

 

“No, Sandy, you don’t. I told you to get the fuck out of my house. You’ve had three weeks, why are you still fucking here?” Jared really couldn’t deal with this right now; Sandy was the last person he’d ever wanted to see again, so of course she had to be the first.

 

“Oh sweetie, we both know you didn’t mean it, you were just upset, that’s all,” Sandy said calmly and tried again to get close to Jared. Jared backed away holding up his arms to ward her off.

 

“You cheated on me, _again_! Of course I was fucking upset. And I meant every damn word. I want you out of my house, _now_!” Jared was going to lose it pretty fucking soon if she didn’t get out of his face.

 

“What are you saying?” Sandy looked shocked. “Are you breaking up with me?”

 

“Sandy, I broke up with you _three weeks ago_.” Jared said as though talking to a child. “You were fucking my work mate, in our bed. I walked in on you. Are you so stupid to think that I would want you after that?”

 

“Okay, so I made a mistake. I’m sorry, it’ll never happen again. I love you, baby, I –”

 

“Don’t – call me baby,” Jared snarled and Sandy had the common sense to take a step back. “You don’t have the right to call me that, only one person has that right and sweetie, it ain’t you.”

 

“What do you mean only one person has the right? You cheated on me?” Sandy cried in disbelief.

 

“No, Sandy, I didn’t cheat on you, because we weren’t together. But yes, if you’re asking, I met someone else, and they are a hundred times a better person than you’ll ever be,” Jared stated and wasn’t surprised to see the anger on her face.

 

“You fucking low life, how dare you think you can treat me this way,” Sandy snapped.

 

“Treat _you_ this way? That’s a fucking laugh. You really are a nut job, aren’t you?”

 

“Who was she? Some whore you met on your travels?” Sandy snarled viciously.

 

“Don’t you dare,” Jared warned.

 

“So, where is she? If she means that much to you why didn’t you bring her back with you, huh?” Sandy looked around and Jared’s shoulders fell. “I don’t see her, Jared. Let me guess, you weren’t good enough for her! She didn’t want you bad enough to come back with you! What a fucking loser.”

 

“Just go away, Sandy,” Jared deflated, he was wiped and he didn’t need reminding how Jensen had stayed behind. Just the memory of it sent fresh tears falling down his cheeks.

 

“You really want me to go, baby? Even though I’m the only one who’ll stay with your worthless ass? Even if I do have to get my kicks elsewhere. Face it, Jared, you just weren’t good enough, not even for me,” Sandy said viciously, knowing she was cutting deep.

 

“He was plenty good enough.” Jared didn’t dare turn to see where the voice came from, he didn’t dare hope. “Just took me a while to see it.”

 

“And who the fuck are you?” Sandy spat.

 

“Me? I’m his boyfriend.”

 

“Jen?” Jared breathed, still unable to turn, just in case he was dreaming.

 

“I’m here, baby,” the voice said in his ear as warm arms circled his body and soft hands grasped his, holding them against his stomach. Jared smiled and leaned back into that hard body.

 

“You came.”

 

“I came.” Jensen pressed a kiss to Jared’s cheek.

 

“And you’re staying?” Jared closed his eyes in hope.

 

“I’m staying,” Jensen said. “If you’ll still have me.”

 

“Good, ‘cause I’m not letting you go again,” Jared grinned and turned in Jensen’s arms to finally stare at him. “Never again.” Jensen beamed that beautiful smile and then they kissed. Long and deep and so full of passion Jared thought he might explode. Jared could vaguely make out cheers and when they pulled away he saw Chris and Steve leaning against Steve’s car, clapping and whooping, with enormous grins on their faces.

 

“God, Jen. I thought –” Jared couldn’t hold back his sob.

 

“I know. I’m so sorry,” Jensen said, his voice wavering with emotion. “I was stupid, and I was scared. I was such an asshole to you and I’m so sorry, baby. I’ll never hurt you like that again, I swear.”

 

“It’s okay, you’re here now and that’s all that matters,” Jared promised and held Jensen to him, plastering his face with kisses.

 

“Excuse me?” Sandy brought the attention back to herself.

 

“Why are you still here?” Jensen said coldly.

 

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” Sandy shook her head and advanced on them. “There isn’t a hope in fucking Hell you’re dumping me for a _guy_. I’m not having people find out I turned you into a fucking fag, no one will ever come near me again.”

 

Jared sighed. “Sandy, sweetie. You didn’t turn me into a fag, I was already a fag, I just didn’t know it,” Jared spoke calmly, now Jensen was there supporting him he had all the strength in the world. “And I’m not dumping you for Jensen – and I’ll only tell you this one more time so please get it through your thick head – I dumped you three weeks ago, because you’re a cheating bitch who’s fucked nearly all of my friends and I was too much of an idiot not to get rid of you way back when you fucked Chad. You are no longer a part of my life, I don’t want you a part of my life and I want you out of my fucking house!” He got louder and louder as he spoke, walking towards Sandy and enjoying the way she shrank away from his words.

 

“No,” Sandy said, loud and clear and the four men stared at her like she was crazy, which Jared seriously thought she might be.

 

“Why the fuck not?” Jared exclaimed.

 

“Because I’m pregnant!”

 

“WHAT?” cried every observer.

 

“Don’t you dare start trying to tell me that it’s mine,” Jared growled dangerously after a long moments silence, during which time Sandy had pulled herself to her full height – which was still tiny – and had a full on smug expression. She had the power again and that was exactly how she liked it.

 

“Oh, _baby_. Yes, it is yours,” she taunted.

 

“How the fuck could you possibly know?” Jared cried. Everything had just been turned upside down. “You’ve slept with so many fucking people it could be anyone’s. And we always used protection.”

 

“It’s not a hundred percent, Jared, you know that. And I _know_ that this is your child,” she said calmly and full of certainty.

 

“Don’t listen to her, Jay; she’s just trying to get to you, to wrap you around her finger again. She doesn’t have power over you anymore. Don’t fall for this.” Jensen stood between them and focused solely on Jared.

 

“Come on, _baby_ ,” Sandy called over Jensen’s shoulder. “Surely you’re not going to listen to some faggot when it comes to your child? He’s probably only with you for your money.”

 

“Like you’re not?” Jared hissed, but there wasn’t much strength in it anymore. Jensen frowned at him and Jared just shook his head. _Not now, please?_

 

“Jay, don’t let her use you,” Jensen said, he held onto Jared’s arms and focused on his face. Jared looked at him, something inside him broke.

 

“But what if it is mine? I can’t take the chance – if there’s even a chance that it’s mine – I –” Jared was lost. “What am I supposed to do, Jen?”

 

“Don’t worry, baby, we’ll figure this out, I promise.” Jensen pulled him into his arms and Jared gladly collapsed into him, emotionally and physically drained. “You can just get a DNA test done, and then you’ll know for sure.”

 

Jared nodded. Yes, that was simple and then it would all be over.

 

“Right, glad we’ve got that settled. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to lie down, all this excitement has worn me out,” Sandy grinned triumphantly, she turned to walk back in the house but stopped to call back. “Oh and Jared, _baby_ , make sure you come to bed soon, you’ve been away for a very long time and a girl gets lonely.”

 

She disappeared inside and it was lucky Chris and Steve were there to hold Jensen back because Jared just didn’t have the strength.

 

“You are not fucking sleeping with her, Jared,” Jensen stated firmly. Jared just sank to the ground the sat with his head in his hands. Jensen immediately calmed down and sat beside him, arm around his shoulders.

 

“It’s okay, Jay, it’ll be okay,” he said softly.

 

“Don’t leave me, Jen, I couldn’t take it if you left,” Jared said brokenly.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m gonna stay right here and keep that bitch away from you,” he promised. “We’re gonna be okay.”

 

 

Chris and Steve watched the show; they looked up to where they could make out Sandy smiling like the cat that got the cream from one of the windows. They exchanged looks and nodded to each other.

 

“Hey, Big Jay,” Chris called and sat the other side of him. “What are the live bands like around here?”

 

“What?” Jared asked, confused. “Why?”

 

“Really?” Jensen said, surprised.

 

“Yeah, we could do with some new venues,” Steve said and sat next to Jensen.

 

“I don’t understand,” Jared said.

 

“How about we start by asking if you’ve got any spare rooms in that big ass house of yours and go from there?” Chris grinned and when Jared nodded they all stood and went to go inside.

 

“You guys are the best, you know that?” Jensen grinned at them, holding onto Jared like he’d never let him go again.

 

“Yeah, we know,” Steve shrugged. “But, you’re worth it, little brother.”

 

The end (for now)


	10. Interlude - Jensen's Dilemma

  
Author's notes: This is from Jensen's POV and takes place immediately after Jared left Jensen at Steve's place with a broken heart.  
*********************  


* * *

**Escape To Where? – Interlude.**

**Jensen’s Dilemma**

 

Jensen held his ground as Jared pushed past him and walked away, his heart was hammering and his breath was heavy as he listened to muffled voices coming from the garage. His nails dug into his flesh where his clenched fists turned his knuckles white, his arms still folded firmly across his chest.

 

Jensen flinched when he heard the car door close; but still he remained motionless. He clenched his jaw as he heard the Impala roar to life but he stayed routed to the spot.

 

Jensen listened to Jared pull out of the garage, the same garage where just the day before Jensen had lain under that beautiful car and shown Jared how to care for it.

 

_Please, don’t go?_ he begged silently, tears prickling in his eyes as the engine’s rumble slowly faded away.

 

Jensen felt more than heard Chris and Steve enter the room behind him. He rapidly blinked away his tears; he had to remain strong in his decision, at least on the outside.

 

“He’s gone,” Chris informed him, his voice carefully void of emotion. Jensen nodded to indicate that he’d heard but still he didn’t turn. With his jaw now painfully clenched, Jensen moved towards the stairs.

 

“Jen,” Steve began in a deep tone that caused Jensen to freeze.

 

“Don’t,” Jensen warned, his voice cracking slightly, sounding tired. “Please, just… don’t.”

 

Steve pursed his lips together before shaking his head and stalking towards Jensen.

 

“No. No _‘don’t’_ ,” he said sternly and Jensen spun to face him, eyes wide with shock. “You can’t just ignore this, I’m not letting you.”

 

“Steve –” Jensen pleaded but Steve wasn’t about to let him off the hook that easily.

 

“No, Jensen. You _begged_ me to give that boy a chance; you told me how much you liked him, how even though it might not work out, _nothing_ was going to stop you from trying to be with him.”

 

“Yeah, well, I was wrong,” Jensen blurted, holding his arms wide. “I was wrong and you were right, as always. Come on, Steve, you should be happy, you were right all along.”

 

“No, I wasn’t,” Steve said quietly and Jensen just stared at him, breathing hard. They stared at each other for a long moment, neither willing to be the first to break eye contact.

 

“Please, Steve,” Jensen said finally. “Please just drop it, it’s done, it’s over, just leave it be?”

 

“What are you doing, Jensen?” Chris moved up beside Steve who was slowly shaking his head at Jensen. “Come on, man. I know you’re scared but what you said to him, what you let him believe –”

 

“Is better in the long run,” Jensen interrupted. “Look, I know you guys mean well, but, Jared…” Jensen’s voice broke as soon as he said Jared’s name. “Jared and I, we were never gonna work out. I was a fool to think we could.”

 

Jensen headed towards the stairs, intent on climbing them and hiding himself away in his room.

 

“Why?” Steve questioned, still not letting Jensen run away. “Why wouldn’t it work? It was working. Don’t you have any idea what you meant to that guy? Yeah, so I was sceptical at first, but I watched you two together and I damn well know that you felt just as strongly about him as he did about you. So, why the Hell are you sending him away? What in the world possessed you to break the poor guy’s heart and your own in the process?”

 

“I didn’t… I never… Look, I thought maybe we could be something, but we can’t –” Jensen tried to reason with them.

 

“Why the Hell not?” Chris demanded, finally losing his temper with Jensen. “Jesus, Jen. You know I love you, man, but right now I don’t even feel like I know you. After the way Tom treated you, just throwing you away like a used piece of meat, do you even realise that you’ve just done exactly the same thing to Jared?”

 

“Don’t you fucking dare compare me to that sick motherfucker,” Jensen bellowed, rage burning in his chest at the accusation that he could as heartless as Tom.

 

“Why not?” Steve spoke this time. Jensen felt trapped, like he was being ganged up on. “That’s exactly what you did to Jared. You know he wasn’t experimenting with you; you know he’s too damned kind hearted that he could never betray you like that, lead you on or use you. But you just had to go and turn the tables and make yourself out to be the bad guy, you had to be the asshole. Why, Jen? What do you gain from it?”

 

“Because I don’t wanna hurt him!” Jensen screamed. Chris and Steve both took a step back and fell silent. Jensen’s face burned and he knew he was bright red. Slowly, Jensen took a deep breath and tried to compose himself, roughly wiping away the tears that formed in his eyes, before speaking in a quiet, broken voice. “And I know that if he stays with me that he’s gonna get hurt. And so will I. He’s been messed around enough already, he doesn’t need me holding him down, making things hard for him. It’s just best if I let him go now, before he gets too attached.”

 

“News flash, Jensen. It’s too late for that,” Steve said quietly, obviously trying to contain his anger at who he viewed as a little brother. “He is attached and you have hurt him.”

 

“Better I do it now,” Jensen said with a shrug, trying to make it look as though he didn’t care, when on the inside he was falling apart. “Jared wants a relationship, a commitment, or if he doesn’t then he soon will, and I can’t give that to him, I’m not ready to tie myself in an unstable relationship.”

 

“Why did you even start anything with him if you weren’t willing to go through with it?” Chris asked heatedly, taking a step towards Jensen and glaring at him, eyes fierce with emotion and hurt on Jared’s behalf. “Why did you let the guy fall for you just to break his damn heart?”

 

“Because I’m a selfish asshole,” Jensen blurted loudly, his feelings finally coming through for what they were. “Because I wanted him so fucking much and I couldn’t help myself. Because he’s perfect, he sweet and kind and he just gives and gives and never asks for anything in return and I wanted him to give to me so badly, I didn’t know how to push him away until I was suddenly so soaked in him that he was all I could think about. I was so out of control around him, and it scared the fuck out of me, I couldn’t think beyond Jared, I couldn’t see beyond him and it was so fucking overwhelming and then he…”

 

Jensen sank to the ground, deflated, his tears flowing freely, Chris and Steve just watched him break down, knowing that he needed to get it all out, comforting could come later.

 

“Then he asked me to go with him, I knew he was going to and I really thought that maybe I could, maybe I would be able to start a new life with him, move away from everything I know, that he’d be enough,” Jensen explained, his voice shaking with emotion and he looked up at his friends, his family, and pleaded with water logged eyes for them to understand. “But when those words finally came out, he finally asked me to go with him, all I could think was that I would be going into the unknown, somewhere I’ve never been before and I would be alone. Jared would go to work, he’d live his life but I would have nothing. I’d spend my days waiting around for him to come home and show me some attention. I’d be completely dependant on him for everything. I have hardly any money, no possessions but what’s in my case, I’d be like some fucking trophy wife and I can’t fucking live like that. I just can’t. So, I said no.”

 

“You stupid son of a bitch,” Steve sighed and sat next to him, throwing an arm over his shoulders. “Jen, man, you were falling in love, and badly from the sounds of it. That’s exactly how I felt when I met Chris; he consumed everything until it was just him I could see. It’s real love, Jen, not the shit you felt when you were with Tom and all the other assholes you’ve been with. It’s huge and it’s scary and sometimes it hurts, but it’s the best thing in the world and it’s the last thing you should throw away, ‘cause it’s fucking hard to find again.”

 

“You and Jared are made for each other,” Chris told him, crouching in front of Jensen, making sure their eyes met. “He’s the perfect guy for you and I know he feels the same for you. He’s the type of guy you fight for. I get that you’re scared, Jen, but it’s not too late; you can still make it work.”

 

“I’m not strong enough,” Jensen whispered, shaking his head. “I can’t throw myself off a cliff like that.”

 

“You think he wouldn’t catch you?” Chris asked gently.

 

“No, I think he would, and more. He’d be perfect and I’d…” Jensen broke off, his insecurities clouding his thoughts.

 

“You’d be perfect right back,” Steve said firmly, tightening his hold on Jensen’s shoulders. “You can do anything, Jen. You’re intelligent enough to rebuild your life; you would never be some trophy wife. You could easily get yourself another job and prove to the world, and yourself, that you’re strong enough to stand on your own two feet.”

 

Jensen smiled sadly. He looked from Steve to Chris before he stood up and walked to the bottom of the stairs, pausing to look back for a moment.

 

“Thanks, guys. I know you’re just trying to help but… listen, I just wanna be on my own for bit, okay?” Jensen didn’t wait for an answer; he trudged up the stairs and shut himself in his room.

 

 

 

As it turned out, sitting in his room probably wasn’t the smartest move. It felt empty without Jared there. His bag was gone, leaving a space where it should have been, his various things that had adorned the top of the dresser were missing and Jensen couldn’t stop his gaze from tracing those places, as though he could make Jared’s things magically reappear.

 

He lay, flopped on the bed, his head buried into Jared’s pillow just breathing in the sent of him. It was dark outside but he hadn’t bothered to get ready for bed. He’d refused to go down for dinner, apologising to Mrs. Carlson when she came to check on him, she’d told him she was sorry that he and Jared hadn’t worked out, that he was a really nice boy and she and Mr. Carlson had really hoped he would be ‘the one’.

 

Jensen had listened as the sounds and movements around the house and quietened and stilled as everyone shuffled about and eventually went to bed, but for Jensen sleep refused to come. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Jared’s face smiling down at him, feel his warm hand as he brushed it over Jensen’s cheek; feel his soft lips caressing his.

 

Jensen felt hollow; the ache in his chest only grew from minute to minute until he was sure it was going to kill him.

 

But he’d get over it, right? He’d stay where his family was, he’d be happy here and when the time came; he’d move back with Chris and Steve and begin to rebuild his life… alone. Everything would work out, right? He didn’t need Jared to complete him, to make him happy, right?

 

Jensen looked at the clock; it shone brightly in the dark room, telling him it was gone three in the morning. He huffed and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

 

“Fuck it,” Jensen hissed suddenly and launched himself off the bed.

 

He left his room and almost ran down the hallway, suddenly feeling very urgent. He threw open Steve’s door and watched as Chris and Steve sat up suddenly, alarmed at what had woken them up so abruptly.

 

Finally, blinking the sleep out of their eyes they regarded a very energised Jensen standing in their doorway. Then they glanced at each other and smiled.

 

“Go make some coffee, we’re already packed,” Steve told Jensen with a knowing grin.

 

“We’ll be down in five minutes,” Chris said, already climbing out of bed and pulling on his jeans. “Get the car started.”

 

Jensen didn’t say a word; he just spun and ran down the stairs to put the coffee on, silently thanking his friends for being so amazing.

 

He just hoped Jared would still want him by the time they got there.

 

End.


End file.
